proving the point

Aristotle was a smart dude, yes?  I mean, he was one of the most important founding figures in Western philosophy, his writings covering subjects from metaphysics and poetry to politics and biology.  Safe to say he could sling a phrase at someone and they would take it to heart.  And though he lived quite a long time ago, I feel as with all philosophers, his words transcend time and space.  Like this nifty one, which I so coincidentally also found on Pinterest.

That's an interesting sentiment.  Why?  Because I think a lot of people have a hard time believing it.  I myself even have a hard time believing it.  After spending 12 years on a book series and then this enthusiastically maintained blog you CONSTANTLY (right?) find yourself in, I still don't really consider myself a writer.  Or an author, as it were.  How else could I keep the clever title?  Pfft.

Couple things spit-balled into a big fuckin' mess today and left me feeling less than pleased in regards to a particular ability I may or may not show a burgeoning talent in.  Photography.  Now don't get me wrong, literally anyone with hands (or without hands, I don't know) can take a picture.  Point and shoot.  Can just anyone take a good picture?  I think so maybe, yes.  But there is a more creative aspect to photography that seems to escape a lot of people, some call it having the "eye," which sounds kind of mystical but to me just means you can see a good shot and you can capture it.  Probably means the same to you.

I don't really have much practice with real photography as of this moment.  I know what an f-stop and aperture are and I took a couple classes in high school.  I can take a pretty decent self-portrait, and I know my way around photoshop pretty well.  Right now, if you handed me a really expensive camera and tossed me in the middle of New York City with an airbrushed model, I could probably take a decent picture.  I would say when all was said and done, a solid "B" would be my score.  Does all of that combined make me a photographer?  Not really, seeing as I don't get paid for it, but then-- oh... hey.

Wait a second.

I don't get paid to write, either, now do I?  Not yet at least.  And though I like to heehaw and guffaw over my literary talents, I am a writer, through and through.  If there is one stake I claim in my life it is that I am a god damn writer.  You can't write over 1,700 pages of a series and continue to blush when you say "oh I dabble in it."  I can't vouch for how GOOD of a writer I am, I'd have to have the peanut gallery weigh in on that one, but the fact that my books have drawn tears says a little something about my skills.

I don't mean to make waves but this whole idea that you have to be paid to credit yourself as something is stupid, stupid, STUPID.  Who is anyone to say you are something other than what you want to be?  Sure, you can't call yourself an astronaut if you've never been to space.  And sure, you can't be a marine biologist if you don't know shit about aquatic life and are afraid of water.   But you can call yourself a writer if you've ever written a poem, a limmerick, a song, a blog, or hell, even a book.  You can call yourself an actor if you've ever stood in front of the lens and recited a few lines.

You can call yourself a photographer if you pick up a camera and shoot pictures of something or someone that might inspire you.  The point is that you try.

That's the beautiful thing about life; you can be whatever you want to be.  I set out this year to nail 26 "New" things to the proverbial wall and I am halfway there.  It is a lot of work, it is a lot of dedication. I never would have classified myself as a documentarian, but ya know what?  I've recorded seven months of my life so far through video and I'm not done yet, so cross that fucker off the list too.

The whole reason I am writing this tonight is because I am angry.  I'm angry that I was told today that I am NOT something I even considered myself to be in the first place.  And you know what?  It doesn't matter.  Because it is just like Aristotle said: We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, therefor, is not an act, but a habit.

I wasn't a writer until I started writing, I wasn't a documentarian until I started filming.  I can't be a photographer until I start taking pictures, so for any of you naysayers out there, sit back and watch the fucking show.  If I can dedicate as much energy into that as I have with the rest of my endeavours, you're in for a treat.  'nuff said.

a simple playlist

I think of music the way I think of any relationship; it has ups and it has downs.  It can set you shooting down a country road with the windows down, wind in your hair as you scream the lyrics at the tops of your lungs.  Conversely it can fill your ears as you lie curled on your bed, tears streaming down your face as you let the tones fill you up.  Powerful stuff, that is!  It's a wonder how when life starts getting crazy for me and things stop making sense in the way I feel they should, that a simple playlist turns it all back around.

Maybe that's because I have rockstar playlists?  I don't know.

Something's been missing from these blogs lately and I think over the last couple days I realized what it was.  Some heart... maybe a little soul, too.  Not soul in the James Brown sense, but in the "hey, I'm usually overly-emotional and it bleeds out into my words, sorry I haven't been," sense.  And I am sorry that I haven't been emotional... er... more interesting.  I think that emotion was part of the original charm of these blogs that you, my (mostly) faithful readers, came to expect.  But the last several blogs have only been about my 26 Golden Things and not the other bits of my day-to-day life that I like to think make me marginally interesting.  Well... very interesting.  I'll just come out and say what everyone is thinking ::tosses hair::

Yesterday I had dinner with @klreynol after a day that felt mostly wasted, and if there is one thing I hate more than girls who can't walk in high heels, it's wasted days off.  We were talking briefly about the blog I dutifully compose and she agreed that the stories therein were getting a little bit dry.  It's great to write about the things you commit to writing (as I have been,) but when they start feeling like a chore is when something has to change.

Lemme side-track you for a little second.

When I bought my iMac in June I was very hasty in lumping my conglomerate of music in the shiny new database and organizing it with iTuens.  Then i synced my iPod before haphazardly downloading Windows 8 on my laptop and effectively deleting the iTunes library on it.  Guess who didn't make copies of his playlists?  This tall son of a bitch right over here.

Back to it.


I have a couple playlists that continuously evolve, chief among them being the blatant "Newly Added" that has songs removed once they've been in for a month and then they are spread through the other lists.  Well I went on a CRAZY downloading spree and "Newly Added" turned into "Mish-mash of every type of music imaginable."  Except bluegrass... that has no business on my computer.  Never-the-less I've been listening to "Newly Added" in my car constantly and it started to get to me.

Usually my music is organized in a way that I can go to it for whatever mood I'm in.  "Fun!" "Mellow" "Mellow - Sad" "Hipsteresque" "Showtunes" "Before the 90's" and "Of the Most Soothing" to name a few.  There's also "Disney" but you get the picture.  Today on the drive to work I couldn't take it anymore and went for the only playlist that was already organized, simply because that is the theme of it and it has no purpose to be in the main music library.

"Christmas."

Yes, I'm one of those people.

I rocked out to Christmas music all the way to work and all the way home, a grand total of 54 minutes of drive time.  Most of the music was happy but I do have a few mopey Christmas songs, and as I was driving I found myself jumping back to the sad ones.  Then I realized the thing I was missing most was one of the playlists for that mood.  Not because I am sad, because I'm not at all.  It's just... because.

I think it's marvellous how listening to something you are craving can turn everything around.  Music to me almost acts as a mirror, and sometimes you can find a song that reflects the things you are thinking or feeling in a way that you don't quite know how to express.  What other medium can do that?  I suppose movies but everyone knows that!  It takes a bit more of a keen intellect to appreciate good music.  Not just the shit you hear on Kiss FM or something of the likes, but everything else.

How many of you have purchased a movie score simply to listen to the instrumental bits of a favorite film?  How many of you have gone on a wild downloading spree after watching a video on youtube and then clicking with reckless abandon on the video links running down the right side of the web page?  I have; I actually do it a lot.  How else are you going to find those hidden gems you otherwise never would have heard about?  Some of my favorite songs ever have never been played on the radio and I love that.

I don't love that it means the rest of the world won't ever get to hear it, but I love that I am one of a select group that gets to indulge in the tones.  Me and my freak memory can pinpoint where I first heard most of the songs in my iTunes library, either by movie or location.  And no, before you think it, not in an "alright, tell me where you were the first time you heard 'Tell Me What It Takes' by Aerosmith," way.  I associate music with certain times in my life.  My all-time favorite song is "Paint the Silence" by South, which I first heard while closing the American Eagle store in Appleton.

It happened to be on the soundtrack for season one of "The O.C."

I ran out and bought the album (one of the few compilation CD's where I still love every single song) and played it non-stop.  That was the summer of 2004, the best summer of my life, and everytime I hear "Paint the Silence" I am transported back to it in a way I can't describe.  The emotions of that summer, the happiness I had at being free of high school and fully coming out and everything that entailed.  Music does that for me.

I think it's important I keep my playlists fully-stocked, all the time.  This little event probably won't occur again until I buy another new computer, and even then I have certain safeguards in place to ensure it doesn't.  I've alrady tackled "Mellow - Sad," and I am so glad I did.  Maybe a little bit of self-reflection is what I need right now.  The days just keep getting hotter and the nights not really colder; this type of music tends to shift my focus towards fall which I suppose is just around the corner.

A few big events are quickly approaching in the next couple weeks, including but not limited to the day my best friend gets married and I have to share the title of soul-mate with her betrothed.  Those blogs will probably be pretty entertaining, re: emotional.  Huzzah for you!  I guess if I really wanted to make these more interesting I could just start taking my top off and posting the pictures more often.

But everyone knows that whores don't get a second chance.  Ciao!

hit the runway

I think most people would agree that summer is a fantastic season.  It just is.  You can run around shirtless (some people (in some places (not all places (duh)))) and soak up the sun nearly every day.  You can go tubing down the river with friends, take a walk through the crazy humid air that is so thick with moisture it feels like you can drink it, and drink as many margaritas as you'd like.  Or as I'd like, as it were.  Those are some of the reasons we love this time of year, right?  Because six months from now we'll be wishing for this weather as we suck in freezing air and feel our throats turn to ice.  Because we all can't live in California; ladies am I right?

One of the OTHER things I love about summer is that you never quite know what it is going to bring up or in.  For example, the grand openings of so many businesses in the area and the ensuing events that come with them.  And within those examples, perhaps, the grand opening of the Ash&Ember studio owned by my friend Ryan.  @caitcd, who works with him at his photography studio, asked me in early June if I wouldn't mind lending a hand for the grand opening event.  I of course said... of course...?  What I didn't know at the time was that it would lead to something else I could cross off my merry little list of Golden Things, but alas it did and here goes another blog toward my commitment:

#12 Hit the Runway; walk in a fashion show.

Earlier this spring when I tagged along with @markstyleme to a photo shoot I was able to "model" and get paid for it, so the natural progression of that would be to storm the runway, right?  Maybe in a pair of heels, maybe not.  Ended up being a resounding "not" but I'm cool with that.  @caitcd contacted me to let me know that Ash&Ember would be having a grand opening at the end of June (yes I know I am writing this in July, back off already!) and it would incorporate photography, video, and fashion in a multi-media filled night of fun and frollicking.  I added those last two verbs on my own, natch.

June kind of pranced by quickly as it tends to do and before I knew it the time had come for me to enjoy two days off of work that weren't REALLY two days off, as they were spent working for the studio.  On the 28th, @caitcd and I joined Ryan and a few others at Atomic Katz in Oshkosh, a fun vintage clothing store that was supplying some of the clothing for the fashion show.  Ryan had dubbed the evening "A Fashion Frenzy," so a specific theme needed to be adhered to.  Not too strictly so as to exclude the fun pieces (like the crazy 80's pants we picked out for @markstyleme to wear,) but mostly for the sake of the outfits fitting into the songs they were chosen for.  The first section of the show was Americana inspired, so that was fun in particular for me to pick clothes out for because I love classic American.  It ended up being a little skewed but most of the outfits were fairly iconic.  I myself got to wear an awesome cognag leather jacket and a navy blue fisherman's sweater from another store up in Green Bay called Beselli.  The second portion of the show was "Dream," and dealt with more eclectic and funky pieces.

Boy these blogs start getting dry, don't they?  I need something to bitch about again!  Anyway, keep reading, there'll be a treat later.

Okay, so we spent a good chunk of that day pulling outfits.  We goofed around a lot and joked a lot, and that was really great because it kept the mood light.  There was a lot of tension because there was a lot riding on this.  A couple hours spent in Oshkosh, lunch in Green bay and then a couple more hours pulling there.  Then we move on to the 29th and the day of the show.

I drove over to pick up @markstyleme from work around 1:30 and then together the two of us scooted on over to the studio in Menasha.  @markstyleme was one of four gents walking in the show, myself included, and there were about 15-ish or so girls walking in it as well.  Most of them were under 18, so that made for GREAT jokes throughout the day about innocence... and how the gays corrupt it.  Represent!

Immediately @markstyleme and I jumped into action organizing the runway show.  @sleetyboots, a FABULOUS friend and another Ash&Ember employee had done a great job of organizing the outfits into the six songs that would be playing, so all we had to do was put the outfits in order within those songs.  The work didn't stop there.  We had to start putting the outfits together, some of which didn't have any sort of bottom to be worn as well.  So @markstyleme and I started grabbing these girls (kids, somewhat) and grilling them on additional pieces of clothing and shoes they brought.  Who could wear what and when?  Who was walking too many times in a particular section of the show?  Who was old enough to wear a black bra under a transparent red top?  Were the time allowances for changing costumes enough?  All these things and MORE!  Oh my.

We put together a board of photos (seen above) that would end up being the "Go-To" for the rest of the show.  Every outfit, what shoes were to be worn, accessories with it, etc.  Then we had to train these kids on how to walk on the runway.  How to pose for the camera at the end of it.  All the while they are getting their hair styled, makeup applied, and the clock is winding down to our 7pm opening of the doors.

It was a very stressful 5+ hours of prep work, on a day that was hotter than shit and with the airconditioning in the studio not really doing a satisfactory job.  We were still forcing the girls up and down the runway when the doors opened and the obligatory early birds started pouring in.  So it was off to the backstage area where the dressing began.  We had an hour of final prep before Ryan went out and gave a sort of commencement speech to the crowd.  it was followed with a music-video he had made for the evening, and then the show started.

I can't really tell you how stressful and CRAZY it is backstage at a fashion show, at least one not held in New York by people that have been running them for years.  It was chaos for us.  I saw 17 year-old girls in bras and panties, tearing through the room to get changed in time.  I realized what it felt like to have sweat dripping from every pour on your body, worrying about the makeup on my face, and all the while putting on clothes that are loaned out and that I don't own.  Enjoy having my DNA on them, Atomic Katz and Besselli!  When it was time for me to walk the runway, I did it with a face of stone the first two trips down (refer to the above.)  Then I found out no one else was taking it as seriously as I was and I suddenly couldn't stop laughing during the second act of the show (refer to the below.)

The runway was a blur... it was a fairly surreal experience to have that many people looking at you at once.  Judging you (I would have been.)  Sexing you up (again, I would have been.)  You walk, hit your mark and turn, then walk again.  You get to the end of the runway, pose (somewhat, I sucked,) and turn and leave.  I remember hearing the cheers and screams, some of them from my friends that were spackled throughout the room.  When the lights dimmed and the show was over, I had a few moments to change my clothes and run out to the floor.  A lot of people had left pretty quickly but my friends remained.  I greeted them, soaked with sweat, and noticed the looks coming from the people I didn't know.

Common folk, you know.

That's when they started telling me I got the loudest cheers, to which I shrugged and said no I didn't.  And then other people told me and I couldn't help but blush (I maintain the cheers were because I was like a man-wall coming down the runway.)  And @caitcd was there and said my parents had come, which almost got me to cry because I hadn't expected them to make it and didn't make a huge deal out of the event to get them to come.  But they did... and it meant a great deal to me.  Made my night, actually.  So whatever, we took some pictures, popped champagne to celebrate, and the night was over.  With it, another item on my list of 26 Golden Things was over as well:

#12 Hit the Runway; walk in a fashion show.

Oh hey, wait, one more thing.  I very briefly mentioned in the last blog that I have been working on a video project.  The full details will wait until the end of the year, but suffice to say, I have been cataloguing everything.  My next blog post will likely include a short trailer for the video, but until then, enjoy a snippet from the finished product.  This one of course documenting the fashion show.  A very special thanks goes out to my lady Mo for taking the camera and filming the whole thing at the last minute.  Loves you!  Also a shout out to Anagen Eleven (Chris and Jess) for the fantastic hair and makeup!

Ciao, kiddos (c: