So hi!
I love July and I hate it. All at the same time and for varying reasons. I love that it's the hottest month of the year (and I hate that it's the hottest month of the year.) It means summer is in high-swing and also means summer is getting that much closer to being over. Fireworks (yay!) and mosquitos (boo!) but fun trips down the river are abound (triple yay!) This July I was only able to go down the river once but hopefully I can get a couple more trips in during August. Juuuuuust like I would hopefully make more videos...
This July was a good one though, all in all. It wasn't really great but it really wasn't bad. No boys to break my heart, plenty of time with friends, a few rough days at work that left me feeling less than pleased and of course more than enough fits of hysterical laughter to balance it out. I gave a speech a year ago about how we measure time "be it in memories or moments," and I do have to say that lately it's been measured in moments. Sometimes for me it gets measured in minutes. There are times when it is measured in seconds.
The seconds are the rough ones.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
The month started with a bang (literally, 4th of July, whoop!) We made our way up to Crivitz to go tubing down the Peshtigo, first trip of the year and an absolute blast. A year or two ago we went right after the 4th and it had been a nightmare of people there with us waiting over an hour just to get on the bus to the water. Surprisingly there was no one around this time. Well... a family of 3 but they were long gone by the time we got to scootin' down the river. I always love the trips where I don't have to drive because it means I don't have to stay sober. And while I'm not a big drinker, it's nice to cut loose every now and then.
Usually it just results in me being really groggy and bouts of silliness that can either a) amuse or b) annoy. Whichever, really.
Fireworks were in Neenah for me this year, abandoning the usual Jefferson Park in Menasha (which you can see going on middle/right of each picture.) There's something about fireworks on the 4th that seal the deal for me and if I can help it, I'll never miss them. @markstyleme joined that night with @joleneelizabeth and he asked why I liked the 4th so much. It actually got me thinking while the show was going on. We always went to fireworks when I was a kid. My hometown, Redlands, did this big parade and celebration in one of the city parks and I think it always stuck with me as a day to celebrate.
But not the year I ran home after fireworks when I was ten because I felt sick and ended up literally shitting my pants on the front porch.
True story.
I suppose it boils down to the fact that most holidays throughout the year don't really bear such visual enthusiasm (save for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas) and Independence Day sets that in motion. Sure you have Valentine's Day (barf) and Easter (blah blah) but this one puts the rest of the year on track and lets you get into the spirit. There are worse things to do than celebrate your nation's independence. I'm not about to go streaking with the American flag billowing from my butt but you know what I'm saying. Any holiday that gets me feeling nostalgic is A-okay by me!
On the 18th I flew off to Austin to visit family. It had been almost two years since I'd been there and back in June I made the spur of the moment decision I wanted to go. As always, it was a great trip and I was, once again, sad to see it end. Mostly because the return from a destination vacation (as opposed to a "staycation") means you are that much closer to going back to work. But making the best of my time is what I'm good at and it made me stop counting the seconds, even if for a little while.
The above pic was the first night I was there and taken at a place called Hula Hut. Freak windstorm picked up and was blowing shit all over the place (chips, menus, and even drinks) but it was still fun. I find the older I get the more I am starting to look like my big brother Josh... and a dark destiny unfolds.
Sorry Joshua.
We did a bunch of new things on this visit compared to those in the past. We went to a great place called Hamilton Pool (Google it) for some swimming, ran around Town Lake (though I guess it's technically "Lady Bird Lake" now?) and of course indulged in copious amounts of food and treats (Austin looooooves food.) The best part of the trip was going to the Alamo Drafthouse (seriously the coolest movie theater I've ever been to) for Master Pancake. If you've never heard of it it's basically Mystery Science Theater 3000 but LIVE! The movie they did was ConAir, which is such an incredibly stupid movie anyway, and Josh splurged for balcony seats for us.
That ALONE would be a reason to move Austin. I mean really, I can't describe how great an experience this theater is. They serve you a full meal. You can have whatever drinks you want. 18 years old and up only, lots of swearing in the pre-show, and they cut their own trailers to make fun of people that call and complain about the place? Sign. Me. Up!
There was a lot riding on this visit I'm not going to lie. The first time I went to Texas to visit my brother I was in the midst of a relationship falling apart at the seams so the last thing on my mind was if I would ever want to live there. It was June of 2010 and lemme tell you, you haven't experienced heat until you've been to Austin in June. Yikes. The second time was a little more than a year later and fell in November. Gotta say, perfect weather; low 70's, breezy, no humidity. It reminded me a lot of Southern California and that's never a bad thing. But I was living with my parents and just getting back on my feet both emotionally and financially and it just wasn't the right time to think about it.
This trip was different.
I'm financially stable and on my feet. I live on my own now. I've cut the proverbial umbilical cord to my parents supporting me (which was actually difficult for me. They make it waaaaay to easy to live with them, lol. Had they lived closer to town... can't say I wouldn't be living with them still.) So going to Austin THIS time meant I was going with the idea of "Can I live here?" It's time to admit (though some may have guessed) I can answer the question with a resounding "yes." Moving out on my own was really the first step toward figuring out what I actually wanted in life. And while Wisconsin has been good to me and I can't really complain about my life here... I just want more. I feel like I need more. I wouldn't know that until I was on my own and now that I am, it's clear.
The thing I need to realize is there is nothing wrong with feeling that. There is nothing wrong with trying to pull more from my life, to expect it to be something more than it is. What holds me back is the guilt I have in leaving people behind and even as I write that, I feel like it sounds as if I'm abandoning said people and I'm not. But there it is, case in point. The other day I had to say goodbye to one of the best associates I have ever had. Her name is Katie. Getting to know her over the last year has been such a joy for me and the day I flew out for Texas I found out she would be moving back to her home city of Orlando with her husband to begin her teaching career. I was devastated. Whenever people that make an impact on me have to move on, I write them a letter. Usually (always) it's aimed at getting a couple tears, it's just what I do. This instance really got me to start thinking though about time... and it got me to realize why I've been counting the seconds so much.
I've been waiting for something to happen. I've been waiting for a sign to show me what I want to do next, to show me how I want to execute things in my life. Going to Austin showed me where I need to go and now I just need to figure out how to do it. Will it be next year? Probably not. But in the next two years? Yes. I feel if I go next year I'll be stretching myself too thin financially, but if I wait more than two I'll never do it. I shared with Katie in her letter one of my absolute favorite quotes and it is from one of the Lemony Snicket books.
Eventually you just have to stop waiting and start doing. I can't blame her for moving on and doing what she needs to do because eventually it'll be me. And there will be people sad when I go (I assume) but that's not right now... which is alright.
Coincidentally it did get me to think about a show from... shit, over a decade ago now. The CW had a short-lived series in 2002 called "Birds of Prey" that followed the trials and tribulations of the daughter Batman had with Catwoman. It was a terrible show trying to spin itself to life from the success of Smallville and it failed miserably. I only watched a few episodes but one had this amazing quote I ended up writing down and using (in a different form) in my first book. I'll never forget this quote that came on the heels of someone pondering a big decision: "You just have to believe, make the leap, and have faith."
Who's ready to jump? I know I am (c:
So what else happened in July? I completed editing the drycopy (printed version) of my second book, lost my favortie sunglasses in the river (thanks @caitcd) and continued my goal of running. I finally finished decorating my living room, threw my back out pretty severely the day before leaving for Austin, and decided on my next tattoo. Bought the final four sessions for my laser hair removal, visited an old brothel on an island (no longer a brothel), and of course fell out of my apartment door in front of a neighbor. Got a little more tan, hopefully a little more thin, kicked a lot of ass selling furniture, and in the end continued on my path to feeling enlightened.
Toodles gang (c:
