the september update

I came home from work tonight and realized "Ahh, shitballs!  It's the end of the month!"  And you know what?  Finally.

Fiiiiiinally.

That's not a complaint, mind you.  Just an overexaggerated sigh of relief the "summer" months are finally over and we can collectively slip into the wonderful season of fall.  Or Autumn, if you prefer.  Whatevs.  I always feel like September is the final draw of breath before plunging into the cold but this year it was really just a "hold your (own) breath and count to three" until fall because for some reason, this year more than any other, I've just been dying for it to get here.

And that comes along with the knowledge that September was a pretty decent month.  Not outstanding, mind you, but pretty decent.  It did get a smidgen annoying at parts though, like the heat rising into the low 90's for a few days and then slipping back into the fifties, only to rise back up to the 80's once more.  I thought I'd be done running my airconditioner but NOPE, that'd just be wishful thinking.  With the trend of each week getting cooler and cooler it turns into more of a waiting game than anything else, all the while knowing it is just about spent.  Of course, tomorrow is supposed to be in the 80's so there's that I guess.

I'm beginning to realize I make the seasons sound like they are actually "people" dying.  Obviously that's accurate...

As I've been trending with these "updates," of course I didn't prepare anything outstanding to share tonight with my growing fanbase.  And yes, I rolled my eyes as I typed "fanbase."  Just a fact.  I got home from work and after realizing what I needed to write, I decided to clean out my car instead because, y'know, procrastination pays off right now.  I may currently be a brunette but that blond in me is REALLY dying hard.

Hey something shiny!

A big part of this month was spent focusing on my third book.  I wrote it last year and edited it/completed it all before mid July.  Having spent so much time away from it, I've got to admit it's been an absolute joy going through it with this editing process.  I know what the bulk of the story is but coming back with fresh eyes is always a great thing because you not only see so many awful errors, but you see so many more amazing ideas you put in and didn't fully hash out.  It really is like coming into a freshly built room with newly painted trim and brand new floors and all you have to do is paint the walls.  Add some color, add some intrigue, and you're off and running toward the next great thing.  And that's never a bad thing!

Then there was of course the construction of the 2013 Halloween costume, and lemme tell you what a bitch/joy it has been.  I'm working hard this year to do it on my own as much as I can without the assistance of my mother.  Mostly just to see if I can, but also because I don't need her to make me a dress.  Or a gown... or a skirt... or a corset.  Because, drumroll please... I will be a man this year!

SURPRISE!

Yes, yes, for the first time since I started doing drag back in 2005 I will be a male character this year.  I can't tell you how excited I am!  I won't need to worry about a wig or heels or anything!  Not even makeup!  Ok, maybe a smidgen of makeup but you get the point.  I won't go into very much detail on the costume because that'll be best suited to the October update.  Besides, I'm sure you can figure out who I'm going to be based on the picture below.  But if you can't, just know that you are dumb as shit.  And yeah, I said it.

I spent a lot of time this month hanging out with Miss T and enjoying our dinner/movie dates.  It's funny how you start looking forward to things as simple as that but when it is with a person who is not a part of your everyday life, it becomes a brief escape into something super easy and of course, super fun.

The other day was Octoberfest (or is it Oktoberfest with a K (who cares (I just don't know the difference (I'm kinda dumb... with a hard K that time))) and I got to spend it with two of my bests and a slew of other people I enjoy my time with almost as much.  We had a little pre-bar (pre-fest?) at 9 am in the morning, complete with PBR's and homemade pretzels.  Around noon we ventured downtown to the hustle and bustle and shortly split up.  @klreynol and I strolled up and down through the crowd, looking at people and commenting on what we saw (that's always a favorite pastime of mine.)  The beers were good, the food was great.  It was a better day in some ways than last year because we weren't downtown at 9 am until 5 in the afternoon (noone to 4 instead.)  I was a wreck by the end of THAT one!

And besides, last year I kept having to film for the video project and after a while it was bugging me.  Harumph.

You can see above I've ditched the blond in my hair (same with @klreynol) in favor of some darker tones, all in the name of Halloween approaching and me needing to fit a specific profile.  It'll be darker the week before the big event because it has some blondish/red coming through, but that's ok for now.  And all that (above) being said, I'm shocked I got this thing written so fast.  Maybe procrastination DOES pay off later as well!  I should coin that on something, like a magnet or a shirt.  "Procrastinate now; it keeps paying off."

Currently I'm eating potato salad out of a big container as I proof-read and edit this.  Don't judge me.

So what else happened in September?  Rode in a limo with a bunch of awesome chicks and @markstyleme, discovered an AMAZING drink called a Black Cap, and went to the worst drag show I've ever seen.  Decorated for Halloween on the 17th because why not, won employee of the month for August in the entire district at work, and started (and finished) The Vampire Diaries.  Started watching Breaking Bad as well, made my mom's recipe for potato salad (referenced above,) ate a Tiger Paw for the first time in my life and finally @klreynol came back to work today after a summer off with baby Noah.

This potato salad is giving me the worst breath ever.  Toodles gang!

letting go of a layer

So I have this bracelet.  You see it above.  Currently I see it on my left wrist, because that's where it has been for the last 7.75 years.  We begin with a story.

In february of 2006 I was working quite happily at Express in the Fox River Mall.  We were in the midst of a large floorset because that was what I LIVED for back then.  Changing the store around, new product being displayed, new displays going up, etc. etc.  The big project of the night was back in the denim room and it involved taking these fairly heavy plastic leg-forms for womens and hanging them from the ceiling.

First you had to concoct this fishing-line tether of sorts just to suspend them with, but then you had to cover that with red nylon rope.  They sent a whole spool of it to us and it was the first time I'd ever learned to tie a noose.  Not that I've learned how to re-tie one since... and not that I even remember how to.  Just saying.  But after trying to figure that out for a few hours I ended up with a short length of the rope left over and decided to knot the end of it and loop it over my wrist a few times.  And it stayed.

That's the story of how I came to wear the red bracelet on my left wrist for so long.  It's not super exciting and it doesn't have a significant meaning, it's just something I put on and thought it looked cool.  Decided it'd be "me."

Who all has ever noticed it?  Let's take a look back in pictures, shall we?  WE SHALL!

You get the point, I'm sure.  It seems like it's been a lot longer than what pictures show but I guess that is more to do with the things I've experienced and less with the actual amount of time to have passed.  The first month or two of wearing the bracelet I felt kind of dumb, admittedly.  I've never been much of a jewelry person and if I ever had a piece of jewelry (like a necklace, wrist cuff, etc.) it was fairly short lived.  You see the ring on my finger in a lot of these and that's about where the jewelry begins and ends.

The bracelet was different though.  Mostly because I could never actually feel it when it was on, but also because it was a pop of color and I thought it looked cool.

Cool enough, as it were.

The first journey it took with me was when I went to Florida on a road trip with Jill.  I left it on the entire time, not really minding when it was wet and kind of annoying me.  I just forgot it was there and in a way that's how life has continued.  Since then, I take it off if I'm getting wet (as I said, it annoys me otherwise.)  I started looking at the bracelet as a good luck charm eventually and because I'm superstitious, I would panic if I left the house without it in the morning.  No car-wrecks, speeding tickets or shootings (pfft) while I was wearing it and I was gonna KEEP it that way, damnit!

It survived good relationships with me.  It survived some bad ones too.  It survived an awful breakup, several relocations, and of course a few weddings and births.  Eventually I wrote it into my second book, giving it to one of my girls (Bryna) and attaching to it a sort of hidden meaning that won't immediately become apparent.  Best not to give it all away at once, y'know?  The point I'm trying to make is that over time this thing has become much more than just a piece of rope.  In several ways it has become me.  A trademark OF me.

Over the years, however, it began to fray.  The once vibrant red (see me holding my boobs way up top) eventually became more of a grayish red (see me holding baby Noah at the bottom.)  It started stretching out, and within the last year, one end of the rope snapped near the knot and I realized it was really just an outer layer of nylon over a much thinner inner layer.  I'd walk around work playing with it, sliding it up and down said inner piece, slightly worried it was all going to fall apart and I'd be without it.

And then it kind of did.

I reconnected with Scout in August and we spent an afternoon having coffee and catching up; all that good stuff.  I had taken the bracelet off and was spinning it around in my hands (as I do when I'm a little nervous) and suddenly realized the other end by the knot had snapped as well.  So I've got this, like... shell around the bracelet.  And immediately I'm impressed at the inner core because it's red and I'm shallow.

Not red like the bracelet originally was, but this kind of mottled red/purple color.

For the first time in 7.75 years (or 7 year and 9 months if you can't figure it out (like I did... because I'm a loser (and single (my cats love me though)))) I untied the knot holding it together.  And I tugged off the loose ends of the rope, dragged the loose bulk of it off, and retied it.  And it struck me.

When I started wearing the bracelet I had just fallen into the swing of things at my first REAL full-time job at Express.  I was barely 20 years old, a whiner, inexperienced at relationships and in massive credit card debt.  It saw me through the biggest changes of my life I'll probably go through (but who knows) and has taken the ride with me up until now.  Since I love attaching meaning to everything I do, here's the meaning I attached to it:

Taking off the faded, frayed outer shell of the bracelet revealed a leaner, stronger core.  After the Golden year and getting back to my basics, that's what I did to myself as well.  I sloughed off the shitty parts, decided what was important, and moved on.  Leaner, meaner (not really, but I wanted to say it anyway) and stronger.  Like the bracelet that is part of my "look," we match once again.

Hopefully I'll get another 7+ years out of it but maybe I won't.  I have several more lengths of the exact same rope in a special place because I've always thought if I ever LOST it, or it was ever too damaged to keep wearing, I'd just put a new one on.  Maybe I won't now.  It becomes the sort of thing that is irreplaceable, like a child (obviously not really the same thing.)  You get the feeling.  Just because you CAN replace something so important to you doesn't necessarily mean you should.

I apologize if this wasn't a good blog, lol.  But it was something I've had in my head for over a month and I had to just get it out.  I'm sure something better will pop up soon.

Maybe I'll be naked in it.

Not sure how that would be better.

Ciao (c;