the october update

What a month.  WHAT a MONTH!  ::tosses hair::  Y'know, for a second there I thought 2013 was going to turn into one of those "poop" years for the record books because not a lot of good stuff was happening.  Heartbreak, busted ankle, death in the family, yadda yadda yadda.  But then October (my favorite month of the year) came right on in and saved the day.  Tried and true!  And of course with today being the last of the month, that also means it is Halloween.  And it is a PERFECT day for Halloween; temps in the mid 50's, foggy and misty outside, and the annual crockpot full of chili simmering away on my kitchen counter.

The month started off on a somewhat quiet note.  In September I made a huge event on Facebook that would span the month and be the collective of "things going on" for celebrating October.  Apple farms, scary movie nights, haunted houses, pumpkin carvings, etc. etc.  Friends and family have come to know me as a little "eccentric" when it comes to Halloween and have said in numbers too numerous to count they want to DO things with me throughout the month.  Seeing as I am in an apartment this year, throwing a party just wasn't feasible for me so I figured this was the resolution.  The first couple movie nights were skipped in large though @klreynol happened to show up despite having the best reason not to (full-time job, husband & infant at home, etc.)

Around the 8th of the month my sister approached me to take pictures of her and her family.  We'd been talking about this for a while but never settled on a date, so we all met at a nature center on the north side of Appleton one afternoon.  Meg brought her camera for me to use and I just... winged it.  My fear with taking pictures is I'm going to be no good.  Not that I'm the worst in the world but I'm far away from being anywhere near the best.  I've been on several photo shoots and worked with several photographers however so I have certainly picked up a thing or two.  Chief among them being "take as many pictures as you possibly can."  It's good I took that advice with me.

Of the 180 pictures I took maybe three dozen turned out clear.  Of those three dozen, maybe 20 of them were good enough poses to warrant moving on to the next round of editing.  I knew I could save my ass in post-production, where the proverbial boxing gloves I wore while taking the pictures would come off and I could start photoshopping with the precision of a surgeon.  Just a saying... I'm not really a surgeon.  Duh.

The big surprise came when I realized how little I had to do for editing.  Sure, tidying up/beautifying people (wrinkles, stray hairs, smudges on cheeks, etc.,) but nothing as invasive as I'd feared.  It made me realize maybe I'm not the worst at this like I thought I would be and maybe it's about time I start branching out and doing it a little more often.  I shouldn't be afraid of the camera I have at home or of taking it out on random projects, it is a decent camera and I'm just a boob by always saying it's shitty.  Wouldn't hurt to have a new one though.

Several more movie nights went by, still with no one showing up.

Mid point of the month came with a trip to Door County with @markstyleme, Mr. K and Scout.  It was one of those "perfect days" you typically might think would come with fall.  It was cool but not cold, breezy but not a windstorm.  The drive to the tip of the Wisconsin peninsula was beautiful with the trees in the peak of colors they'd reach all year.  We left early in the morning for the drive and just had a great time.  I'll reiterate, a great time.  There was no awkwardness at what could have/would have/maybe should have been, we just enjoyed ourselves the way we always did as a group of four and there is nothing about that I can complain about.

I'm trying not to make this sad so let's move on.

We stopped in several towns on the way down from the tip, the best of all being Egg Harbor.  I loved it and have GOT to go back sometime soon.  We met up with some friends there during Pumpkin Fest and perused a few cute stores (one of which rips of Pottery Barn by buying our stuff and reselling it at a higher price,) including an awesome paper store called Papel that @markstyleme almost shit his pants over.  Stopped at a winery in Carlsville, drank a bit, and then hit the road.

When we got back to Appleton it was another movie night, Hocus Pocus, and that one had the best turn out with seven people showing up.  A few things happened at the end of the night that left me feeling bittersweet about it, but then it was over.  I won't get into it because this isn't really the venue for that, I'll just say "C'est la vie."  Anybody sing "c'est la vie" in the tune of the song by B*Witched?  No?  Does the cheese stand alone?  Okay.

On the 15th, @markstyleme and I drove down to Chicago for the Naked and Famous concert at the Riviera Theater.  I bought the tickets back in August because my brother had told me he'd be seeing them in Austin at the front end of the month.  A quick lookie-lou and I found them a week later in the windy city.  We decided to make a day of it, driving down and stopping to shop at Gurnee Mills and eat some dinner.  We'd be meeting Jillybean at the concert (I'd offered her the third ticket at the last minute and she was more than game for it (I can always count on her for things like that.))

After parking and walking a good distance to the venue, we were in and Jillybean showed up just a song or two into the opener's act.  Then the show started and it was absolutely amazing.  I'm beginning to realize how much I enjoy seeing live music, especially when it is one of my favorite bands and I've only ever heard them on CD (or iTunes, natch) before.  The newest album from the Naked and Famous came across as a little bit of a downer to me.  The music was noticeably much more melancholy than the previous album which to me was continuously upbeat.  Seeing it performed live?  Totally different experience.  And it was exciting, seeing them use the instruments and interact with the crowd and just be, overall, charming.

They capped it all off by playing "Young Blood," which if you remember was my theme song for 2012 and was the first played in my video for "26 Golden Things."  It was one of those moments in life where you breathe in deep, close your eyes, and know you are going to remember it forever.  I'll always cherish that moment because it held a lot more weight than I can really describe.  Just take my word for it.

Movie nights continued to go by with no-shows.

One of the events planned for the month was this "Haunted Golf Cart Tour" through a country club in Chilton.  The day of the event, people who were planning on coming started to back out.  "Dropping like flies" so to speak.  My day at work ended up being a rough one anyway and on my way home that night I got a few more cancellations.  By that point I'd had it.  The shitty thing about trying to organize things is that it is pretty fucking impossible to get people to actually DO something.  I'm guilty myself of preferring to stay indoors rather than venture out for this or that.  I'm reminded of Sally Field in Legally Blonde 2 "You cannot get the people to care."

I got home, hopped on Facebook, and cancelled the "It's Halloween Tiiiiiiiiime!" event.  IMMEDIATELY I was getting messages from people who had RSVP'd to it.  "Why is it cancelled?" "I was planning on coming to something!" "Are you still having people over for movies?" "I didn't get to come to anything yet!"

What floored me about it was how if you suddenly take something away, people panic.  And it made me even more angry.  If you RSVP to an event but never comment on it, say you want to go or don't, with no opinion about a single portion of said event, why would I think you were actually interested? Actions speak louder than words and the only people to have taken action, by all means, had.  And it was like four of them.  So I just said FUCK IT (out loud,) threw my hands up in the air (honestly,) and decided to do whatever I wanted to do to have fun.

And the Haunted Golf Carts ended up sucking anyway (went with @klreynol, @caitcd, and @joleneelizabeth) so whatever.

I think the lesson of the month was for me to stop worrying about doing things that would make other people happy and just do the things that would make ME happy.  You may think after this long I would have already figured something like that out, but... you'd be wrong!  Never too old to learn a new lesson.

Eventually the Halloween festivities came and it was time to put Superman to work, spending two packed evenings with the lovely Miss T and her version of Poison Ivy.  We went to a benefit at the Timber Rattlers stadium (where her husband's band Road Trip was playing (the best part of the event, to be honest.))  After that we trotted over to Waverly Beach for the Children's Hospital Benefit where we met up with @jonathan_kent and @leahvanrooy.  That was probably the best Halloween party I've ever been to and I will most certainly be attending in the years to come.

The first night out also reunited me with an old best, Kyle, and allowed the air to be cleared between us of whatever weirdness there had been.  The next step is acting on it but we'll get there eventually.  I just need the craziness of this month to end, first  And I need to buy more hairspray because as you can tell, I used it all and then some.

That's the only full-body shot of me in the suit, boots cape and all.  I think this was at the start of the second night but I can't honestly remember.  Superman will make one more appearance this coming Saturday and then he'll be gone, locked up in a box of costumes from the past I just can't get rid of and never seen again.  It was... different... being a dude for Halloween this year, and not just "any" dude, but the quintessential icon of comic superhero land.  Next year will be back to drag world, and if I stick to what I want to do, it'll be the ultimate costume for me and the one I've always wanted to do (outside of Superman.)  Wait and see (c;

To end this, I've got to say I don't really know why Halloween has always been my favorite holiday.  I absolutely adore December/Christmas but that is for a different reason entirely.  Unlike Christmas, Halloween is not a holiday that's only justified when spent with family.  It is a day where you can be with friends OR by yourself and still enjoy the nostalgia it offers.  You can enjoy it without feeling obligated to be with anybody in particular; just get in the spirit of things and just have fun.

Lord knows I do!

So what else happened in October?  Sorted through my MASSIVE collection of decorations and tossed a ton, got back into fighting shape, and decided to face the dating world once more.  Realized some things are best locked away and not reopened, took an unplanned hiatus on book III due to my busy schedule, and gave up trying to control the lives of those around me.  Discovered a super sexy English musician named Roo Panes, saw the Carrie remake and loved it, and of course, capped off the month carving pumpkins with mom, watching a scary movie (or two) with friends, and indulged in just a little bit of candy.

Because it's best to stop and enjoy the sweet little things when you can.  Toodles gang (c;

the man of steel

This blog is very picture heavy.  Not a warning, just a... something.  Just read it.

I've always wanted to be Superman.  Always always always.  Not really Christopher Reeve because I was never really enamored with his portrayal, but all the rest, yes.  Since I became an adult (re: openly gay) I have dressed up as women for Halloween.  Paris Hilton, Paulette Bonafonte, Glitter-Glam Barbie, Winifred Sanderson, The Baroness, Babydoll, and Twisted Sleeping Beauty.  Each year has gotten a little bit bigger than the previous, with more time and detail being paid attention to in regards to the costume, or the makeup, or the wig.  Even a prop or two.  So for 2013 I decided to buck the trend and be a male character because it would be something new and fresh for me, and something easy.

Easy being the operative word.

In 2005 when Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came out, the teaser trailer for Superman Returns was attached to it.  Super hottie Brandon Routh was in the title role and it immediately caught my interest.  I'd always liked Superman, but I had never really paid too much attention to him be it the movies, comics, cartoons, etc.  Directed by Bryan Singer (X-Men, X2) it was a modern take on the character and was SUPPOSED to throw him back into the limelight.

While the movie became a favorite of mine, it didn't do so hot in the theater and ended up kinda fizzling out.  Made some money but not enough to warrant a sequel.  The updates to the costume were good (at the time) but never really something that would push me into dressing up as him.  The problems were always wide-ranging, from not having the slightest clue of where I'd find dark red boots, to how I would make the chest shield, to then finding a blue suit that my chubby body would look decent in.

So the years went by, I succumbed to dressing in drag, and I do have to admit, every Halloween I tinkered with the notion of being him.  But then I would do something like cut my hair off, or it would be blond come Halloween time, or I had committed to something else with a friend, etc.  There was always a reason.

And then there was 2013's Man of Steel.  

And then this guy happened.

By which, of course, I mean his suit.  Totally different...

Who am I kidding?  LOOK AT HIM!  How could an innocent and young (reasonably) boy like myself not be enamored?  Impossible!  I say IMPOSSIBLE!

I hit the ground running.  I dabbled with the idea of being him all through the spring of this year and then when the movie dropped in June, I had made up my mind.  I ended up seeing Man of Steel a total of four times in the theater and I loved it more each time.  That's rare for me, actually.  I find as I get older I'm unable to watch movies repeatedly because I just feel I could be doing something better with my time.  Not the case here.

The make-or-break moment was going to be the boots and I knew that right off the bat.  If they fit, it was a go.  If they didn't, it was back to the drag drawing board.  I ordered red "Superhero" boots off the internet, hoping against all hopes my size 13 monsters would fit in the biggest size (12, which they said ran large) comfortably.  After about a week they came, and though you cannot tell in the picture above, they were a dark salmon color and not exactly the blood red I needed.  But I slipped them on, zipped 'em up, and then pranced around my apartment in excitement because they fit perfectly and I knew I could finally do the costume.

In mid July, @klreynol went to Oshkosh with me to the outlet mall so I could try on Under Armour.  I'm not a sports guy by any means and I've certainly never tried it on because it's mostly for athletes or runners and there was no reason to do so.  Whatever.  I resorted to Under Armour because every blue spandex suit I could find was awful.  They were all too bright blue and SHINY.  I didn't want to be a razzle-dazzle Superman so research into Under Armour showed a few promising things.  First, I'm not in the BEST shape ever and they offer a line of clothing called "Compression," which essentially sucks everything in in a pretty flattering way.  You can see the surprise on my face above for proof.  Second, the colors were excellent and what I wanted.  Third, it was made to keep you cool and I have a problem on Halloween of being a  big sweaty mess from running around and laughing and screaming and being generally annoying.

So I bought the top and ordered the leggings on line, happy I wouldn't have to even worry about the red undies because the new suit nixed those.  With the base of the costume ready to roll, my attention turned to the details.  Namely the shield.  You can't just go out and BUY one, and as much as I'd like to spend $300 on a movie replica from eBay some guy was manufacturing, I couldn't logically afford it.  Time to get crafty.

I started by measuring out my chest and then drawing the shield on a huge piece of tracing paper, making every angle as straight as I could and as symmetrical as possible.  I free-handed the "S" (not an "S" (symbol of hope (still looks like an "S"))) and then redrew the shield, bubbling out the outer edges because if you look closely at the new version, they are not straight lines.  I cut up an old t-shirt and spread it out, making two huge diamond shapes and painting them red and gold, respectively.  I needed the fabric to be a little stiffer but not so much so it would be like a piece of plastic.

In hindsight, I should have made it rock solid but that's just a minor grievance.

I lay a white mesh over the top of it to get a texture as close to the real deal as possible and then painted over that as well.  In reality and when all was said and done, it kind of has the pliability of a really thick piece of sandpaper.

This is the initial "put it up, see if it looks lame" test.  I was lucky enough to have a few muslin forms from my days at Express (who says hoarding doesn't pay off? (ignore the fake blood)) and it helped TREMENDOUSLY because without it, I absolutely would not have been able to make the costume work.  And I don't say that lightly; I literally could not have made this look right if I didn't have the muslin form.  If you're ever looking to get into making costumes, etc., you need to invest in one of these because they make life so much easier.

After some airbrushing with the airbrush I had from my short-lived college career, I was ready to attach it all to the top.  I had never used a thimble before and I'm certainly glad I had one on hand to do this.  It was a nightmare sewing through the shield.  Pushing that needle in was awful and then I kept catching it on things and making myself bleed (not a great seamstress by any means) and it probably took me a lot longer than it needed to.

But it ended up attaching nicely enough and you can see from the shading where the red portion of the logo would eventually go.

The finished shield.  The tricky thing with Under Armour (especially the compression line) is you can't just sew something on because the material shrinks and stretches so drastically.  The arms had to be tied back pretty tightly on the top to stretch the chest out for the shield to fit decently.  In the end I still had an awkward pucker on the front of it (can't tell here) but it was a minor grievance and not a big deal.

Then I moved on to the boots.

So the picture above is a fairly accurate depiction of the color.  Dark salmon.  The sole and heel of the boots were black as well and that in and of itself made them look fuckin' cheesy.  I thought about painting them red first but then decided just to cut out the same mesh from the shield and use a spray-adhesive to attach it to the boots.  It took a few tries before I got it all to line up the right way but in the end I was super pleased with it.

Mid painting process.  I did three coats of a latex paint I bought from JoAnn Fabrics (same paint for the shield) but I probably could have used a fourth.

All finished and paired up with the leggings to see how it would look together.  Which is fantastic, natch.  Originally the top of the boots met in a point but he doesn't have that for his suit so I had to invert said point and shoot it downward.  I cut the mesh in a way to it'd look like I had trim around the tops of the boots.  After all that it was time to do the cape.

This is actually the only picture I had of that process.  The cape was a goddamn nightmare and not one I wish to repeat any time soon.  It was originally a six foot wide piece of faux red suede, which I turned to the inside and used the slightly darker/shinier "inside" as the outer facing side of the cape.  I hope that sentence made sense to you because it did for me.  Kind of.  I ended up going to my mom for help with the cape because she's so much more talented at figuring this stuff out than I am.  Up to this point it had been simple painting/gluing/stitching, but I couldn't do the cape myself and have it look decent.

Plus she's my mom and I hadn't forced her into servitude this year as I had in years past so it was time to pony up.

We spent the day together chatting and working on it, took a couple hours until it was done but it was great when it was.  I'd gone back and forth on all sorts of things with the costume (he has a lot of blackish trim work on it, across the neck and wrapped around his wrists and sides) but in the end I decided simple was better and called it a day.  The cape reaches to the ground and has juuuuuust enough weight to it that it billows pretty nicely as I walk and when the wind catches it.

I started the construction in late July and didn't finish it until the end of September.  If I had to log all of the hours spent on it, it'd be north of 90.  That includes waiting around for paint to dry, repainting when I screwed it up, gluing crap and messing it up.  And of course wasting a ton of time on the body wrap I eventually threw away (seen below.)

Outside of the costume itself there was the physical changes I needed to make to myself.  I started exercising more frequently, watching what I ate so as to not look like a complete fat ass in essentially the most revealing costume I've ever worn (that includes Babydoll.)  I spent all summer and fall growing my hair out, dying it from blond to semi-dark brown in mid September, and then to nearly black just a week ago so as to fully get "the look" of Clark Kent.  Thankfully my eyes are already blue and I didn't need contacts this time.

This whole process was such a learning experience for me.  Eye-balling things, studying costumes, trying not to hurt my own feelings with how judgmental I am, figuring out how to conceal my penis so as not to be offensive (it was an issue, trust me.)  But in the end it all came together like it always tends to do, and I was so so so so so happy with the result.  It's not a costume that is completely accurate to any sort of Superman, but it's my own spin on it and it works.  When I put it on I feel different, as if I'm slipping into a character.  There really is nothing quite like that feeling (c:  But about that operative word I used in the beginning, "easy"?  This process was anything but.

So behold, my dear readers, the transformation of Clark Kent into the Man of Steel.  Biceps included.

And with that I bid you adieu.  Look for the October update in just a few more days (on Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year.)  There will be a few more pictures of me in costume out and about, as well as some other goodies I'm sure.  Until then, enjoy the rest of October, carve a pumpkin, eat some candy, watch a scary movie or two and HAVE FUN!  Lord knows I am (c:

third iteration

I love anniversaries, I really do.  That's how I started the last one of these puppies out but I never elaborated on it so fuckin' deal with it.  Sorry I used hooker words.

For me, the hardest part about not being in a relationship with someone is how I seldom have a positive reason to celebrate an anniversary.  Sure you've got the anniversaries of your parents and friends, but that's just a card for them (if even that.)  The fun anniversaries are those where you're celebrating one month of being together with someone... one month since your first date... six months since the inception of the relationship, etc.  Once you are outside of a relationship, you start looking at anniversaries in a different light and boiling them down to the ugly things; one four months since you cried about it, one year since you broke up, two years since you last spoke, etc.  Today, however, we are celebrating one of those rare single-person anniversaries.  Which one you ask?!?!

THE TWO YEAR 

ANNIVERSARY OF 

MUSINGS OF A SELF-PROCLAIMED AUTHOR!  

With two years down, that absolutely and without-a-doubt means we can move into the third iteration, not alone but in a group of happiness and rainbows!  Do you want to know what I love about calling these the "iterations?"  It's because an iteration is something continuously building.  More commonly it is a phrase used in mathematics and is often called "successive approximation."  I take the term and apply it to the blogs for one key reason: by referring to each year of my writing as an iteration, I am taking the previous years and compounding what I've learned in order to keep moving forward.

That quote above is what I've learned in the two years I've been writing these lover letters for all of you to peruse and breathe heavily over.  The two years spent dishing out my thoughts and ideas, my embarrassments and my triumphs, bad dates (and conversely, good dates,) amazing projects (and conversely, bad projects,) wonderful friends, wonderful nights, and maybe a few shitty months as well.  But like the quote above, I am not what has happened to me because I am what I choose to become.

I think choice is a wonderful thing, don't you?  Our choices more than anything else are what define who we are.  They allow us to change from who we were into who we will be and we alone are the ones to control it.  I really enter this third year of writing with a clean conscience;  no more collateral damage, no over-achieving projects clouding my thought process.  Just me being me and looking forward.

Last year when I sat down to pump the second iteration out, I was still in the midst of a mess and wondering if it was going to clean itself up (as you always hope messes will do) or if it was going to crash and burn all around me (as they tend to do, regardless.)   I was chipping away at the 26 Golden Things and trying to keep a weather eye on the horizon, some days succeeding and some days really losing.  It was borderline easy in 2012 to write blogs so frequently because I was constantly updating you with the Golden Things and it gave me more than enough reason to write.

In the first year of this page, I wrote 40 blogs.

I thought I had been doing a really piss poor job this year of doing the same, but as I sat down to write this I counted and realized in the last 12 months I still wrote another 32 blogs.  That's nothing to sneeze at by any means and really, it ended up being close to the previous tally.  Not that this is a race or anything, and if it were it would only be a race against myself... and I suppose I just said a proverbial mouthful.  But you get my drift, yeah?  The blogs seem a little lonely to me at times and I feel like oceans rest between each entry, but when I take a step back and look at the collection of works I'm continuously building, I have to smile and realize how I'm doing something mostly for myself that will only build my character that much more.

Because obviously I lack character(...)  and I'll add again (.......... (those are moments of silence, in case you can't tell(...)))

It's difficult for me to not write about where I want to go from here or where I've been to GET here, because that's best left to the New Year's Eve blogs and not these iterational (iterational is not a word, apparently (using it anyway)) blogs.  I will say I am pleased with how far I've come, and it's alright for me to say so, right?

I'm still shocked I'm writing these things, to be perfectly honest.  It isn't easy to pop blogs out, sometimes (and most times) when you've really not got much to say.  I was always such a proponent of starting things and never finishing them so to work on something that is technically NEVER finished but instead evolves and changes with me, is another experience all together.  In a year I've gone from sitting and writing these in bedroom at my parent's house to now sitting in the office of my own place (obviously in just my underwear ) and halfway thinking about what next year will bring.  Still living here in this apartment?  I dunno.  Still writing?  Of course.

Last year I left you with Muse's "Madness" because I couldn't get it off my mind and this year I think I'll swing you toward the Naked and Famous' "Hearts Like Ours."  I get to see them next week in Chicago with the best @markstyleme and my wonderful Jillybean, and I just can't wait.  There are so so so many more blogs to come so please keep reading them.  For everyone who has been reading up until now, thank you SO much for sticking with me on the journey.  Keep spreading the word (or start spreading it if you haven't) and keep sharing the links (or start sharing if you haven't (dick.))

Above all it all just keep laughing.  With me... or even at me.  God knows I do.

Like she sings below, there's an animal inside.  Indeed (c: