the february update: second edition

For being the shortest month it certainly felt like a long one, yeah?  Well that's more of a yes AND no answer to my rhetorical question.  At least for me.  While it wasn't as freeze-your-tits-off cold as January, it was still a cold one and it just so happens that by this point in winter... ya just don't care anymore.  The days are starting to get longer, there is moisture in the air again, and almost inexplicably yet despite the sub-zero temperatures, the ice and snow seems to continue its disappearing act.

I always refer to this time of year as the "upswing" because you know the shit-show of cold/snow/ice/freezing rain is juuuuuust about at the end of its run.  The weather shows it is supposed to snow this afternoon and into the evening but all I can do is shrug and plan my night out anyway.  Things to do, people to see, all that jazz.  You know you're from Wisconsin when by the end of February the weather is completely inconsequential to your daily life.  Maybe you'll wear a different jacket or a different pair of shoes, accordingly, but really you just say "oh fuck it" and do what ya need to do.

All that being said, February was a decent month.  Started it with the Superbowl and AGAIN picked the wrong team based off colors alone.  Will I ever learn?   The next day was our store inventory, and then the rest of the days just kinda ho-hummed by.  Valentine's day showed up and reared it's ugly face (don't try to justify it as a holiday; it's not a holiday) and eventually the 28th arrives and I'm sitting here drinking lemonade and eating Wheat Thins while I pound this sucker out and try to recall what happened this month.

Just before Valentine's day I was invited with Miss T to a dinner party at our friend Rachel's house.  Rachel had hired a private chef for the evening and it was just a small group of us there to get to know each other and chit -hat on a random Tuesday evening.  We had all sorts of fancy wine and champagne and then fantastic steak and lobster for dinner.  I've never been to dinner like that where there was a private chef so it was a really fun experience to have and one I won't soon forget.  Plus I'd never really had lobster before and if you're gonna do it you might as well do it right, right?  Right!  And with three rights you can't go wrong!

But you can make a left.

I'm grasping at straws.

Don't act like it's not the best picture collage you've ever seen.
Notice @markstyleme behind me.
It's hard to replicate old selfies, just so you know.

I went to the dentist a week or so ago and mentioned to him I'd chipped my tooth again.  The picture on the left is from August and if you look at my front teeth (front two incisors and the lateral incisor to the right) they are all chipped.  One was from eating cereal too fast and nailing my tooth with the spoon.  Honestly.  Well in November I got a little excited after (successfully) singing karaoke and banged one so hard with a beer bottle that it had a really bad chip taken out (no photographic evidence, so sorry.)

The dentist said he wanted to fill the uglier of the chips with bone-colored filling (you can tell which one I'm referring to (and don't forget it looked worse after November)) and then he'd smooth out the others.  Immediately I was terrified because as @klreynol will tell you, he smoothed hers out like 15 years ago and cocked the whole thing up (causing her to then switch dentists.)  Most of my fear came from the possibility the filling would be visible and a totally different color from my teeth.  However, as you can see that isn't the case and he did a fantastic job.  I don't think my front teeth have looked so nice since before I had my braces for the second time!  Because once wasn't enough!

OH!  Speaking of braces!  @klreynol must have been going through some pretty old stuff because she found THIS gem in a photo album and sent it to me the other day while I was working.  I literally screamed in laughter.

I believe that's my 13th birthday picture on the left (so dramatic, with a perfect bowl cut) and then my freshman high school picture (with said braces.)  That year was the first year I had cut all of my hair off, and it was never the same after.  Good thing I grew into my mouth because holy damn were those lips big.

That's about all though I suppose... unless you want to see all of the pictures I took of my cats this month and thus the reason I'm still single.

So what else happened in February?  Continued the never-ending work on my books, bought plane tickets and reserved a rental car for Austin in June, and discovered Jeep brought back the Cherokee (this holds more weight than it probably should.)  Fell in love with Olympic Ice Dancing, decided against buying a house, then buckled and got cable.  I began outlining my fourth book, finally (hopefully) realized some people will never make up their minds, paid off a few credit cards and then started planning for my future.

Because as Benjamin Button said, "it's never too late, or in my case too early, to become exactly who you want to be."

The warmer weather will bring more exciting topics to discuss, and maybe a few experimental blog ideas along the way.  Until then, enjoy a happy song from me to you and get ready for March (c:

 

ugh, thoughts.

I used to turn to this blog more frequently when I started having trouble processing my own thoughts.  It was an avenue I could walk down, spilling words like diarrhea from my fingers (there's an image for you) and sorting them out in the process.  Adoring someone from afar, being so pissed at a former friend I didn't know what else to do but write, finding a random speck of gold from a family vacation 20 years earlier and remembering the whole story surrounding.

Trivial things, really, compared to the thoughts in my head lately.  I'm not happy in my apartment, should I buy a house?  If I buy a house, how long does that lock me up for in Wisconsin?  If I'm locked up in Wisconsin, how far off does that push moving to Texas?  If I push Texas off for five years, does that mean I'll be a washed-up-mid-30-something-gay-guy when I get there?

I'm only halfway worried about the last part.  You decide which and we'll just go with it.

28 isn't old and I know that, but it isn't young either.  I was talking to someone the other day at work and commenting on how many people refer to me as "just a baby" or "still so young" and how annoying it can be.  On the flip side, eventually I know that will all go away and it'll be a sad day for me when it does, but the point remains.

At what age am I supposed to stop pulling up my big boy pants, realize they are already around my waist, and just get a move on?  Stop guessing and fretting and just start doing.  Nike built an empire out of saying "Just Do It" and still I find myself not listening and wondering what will happen if I do.  My sister pinned something today that caught my eye:

And it's just... true.  It's true.  I can't tell you how many times in my life I've stopped myself from doing something simply because I was too edgy about the outcome.  What about you?  It is the same old song and dance that I have been whining about for three years but I feel it's because it is still such a valid one.  With unlimited money and no debt at all, I'm sure this decision would be done in a snap.  Want a house?  Go buy one.  Want to move across the country?  Go nuts.

But I don't have unlimited quantities of cash, I'm certainly not debt free, and thus the decision is more of a snaaaoooope.  Nope.

I think about what the worst is that could happen in each scenario.  I move to Texas: can't find a place to live, wear out my welcome with my brother, and end up calling home for help so I can move back with my tail between my legs.  I buy a house: uncover all sorts of problems, bite off more than I can chew, end up upside down on the property and take a huge hit to my credit in the process.  I stay in Appleton forever: end up miserable, single, and wondering why I never gave any of it a chance when I was young.  And there you have it, my beloved blog readers.

"When I was young."

I look back on my life and think about how many possibilities lay before me.  It doesn't happen too often, and really it's mostly happening now because of the Olympics, the rare occasion you get to watch people who have trained for something their entire life for a moment of glory.  And you sit on the couch and eat your pizza and drink your lemonade and think "that'd be neat."  Not to be specific, of course.

I like to think my parents would have supported me being an Olympian, but I'll never know, because I never tried.  I never asked if I could participate in a specific sport or if I did, pushed to stay with it.  The only thing I've ever pushed myself to do is to finish my books, which is an Olympic event all on its own.  Or it should be ::tosses hair::

I know what I need to do and for the most part, I know how I need to do it.  I need to put my nose down, write out a plan with as much detail as I put into my book outlines, and then I need to get it over with.  Easier said than done but I did it with "26 Golden Things" and I don't see why this should be any different.  I know I've got the support group behind me should I need it, I know I've got the helping hands ready to reach out should I require them.  Sometimes it feels like it is enough and a lot of other times it feels like it's not.  What is right and what is wrong?  I dunno.

Maybe I'll figure it out when I get there; I just really fucking hate being wrong.