It felt like it took an eternity to get here. Really, it did, and I'm not just saying that because it took me more than a full week to write this stupid thing. Aside from that I don't mean just in terms of time but in emotion as well. Personal growth, the prowess of personal inspiration, success through sheer will... yadda yadda. I knew from day one that eventually I would hitch up the saddle and march the finished product of the "26 Golden Things" into the public eye but there were more than enough moments that left me thinking it would never come. When it eventually did, I was a mixed bag of emotions. George Lucas once said "Films aren't finished, they're abandoned," and it's true. I could have worked on this project forever; new pictures seem to pop of continuously from 2012 that I would have loved to include but to wait around would be to delay. While I am such a fan of delaying things, I knew the time had come to sign, seal, and deliver it. So I did.
The road to a venue that would screen the project was a little bumpy. At first I approached movie theaters in the area to see what sort of options there were available. That one quickly was tossed out the window for two reasons, 1) It would have to be early on a Saturday and 2) The cost even at the CHEAP SEATS was $300. Get bent! I turned to a couple banquet halls but that just wasn't feasible either, as I'd have to find a projector to rent, etc. I spent a lot of money last year. A lot. I went from being debt-free to "whoops, you're in debt." And while most of that debt was spent on myself and funding the antics that make this video what it is, it still happened. So when I say "I'd already spent too much money," I am fully aware it wasn't on the majority of you. But it was still spent and I was still tired of spending it. So I called in a favor.
Ryan, the owner/creator/photographer/main dude/a good friend at Ash & Ember (check them out: http://www.facebook.com/ashandember ) had always been in my mind as the owner of a perfect venue. His studio is in downtown Menasha and truly is a great space for all sorts of creative things (fashion shows, photoshoots, premiers...) Me being me, I had neglected to ask him. I'm weird about asking for favors, generally because I don't like cashing them in and I also don't like feeling I owe anyone anything. But we had worked together a few times before so I approached him about the premier and he was so fantastic with his response of "FUCK YEA" (I may be exaggerating,) which lead to us talking and figuring out the details. The project was originally supposed to premier in January but scheduling conflicts with the bests (who obviously needed to be present) pushed it back a bit to February.
I was disappointed I would have to wait that long because I just wanted to get it over with, but in the same respect I was relieved because it gave me more time to mentally prepare for it. I'm a big mental preparer-er for those of you who don't know me at all. In the week or two before the premier I bought DVD's to burn the project, and the stickers to cover the DVD's (above) and make them look fancy as hell. Then I waited. And the day drew closer and closer and sooner rather than later it was here. And I was sick to my stomach.
I spent the day of the premier with my best @klreynol, which was great because she was the first of the bests and we don't get to see each other much outside of the job we share, so to be together on such a big day was important. We went to lunch, and I fretted over the premier. Then we went and bought goodies to put together the grab-bags. And I fretted. Then we drove out to the manor and assembled the grab bags, and I fretted some more. I don't think at any point did I stop thinking about the pendulum swinging above my head. You can chuckle and say I'm being dramatic, but showing off something like this... a piece of work that took a year and countless hours to finess... it's scary. I have no problem admitting that I was scared.
Once we were at the studio I did that thing where you know you're in full on panic mode but you don't know what to do; I let my fingers get ice cold and started pacing. And by pacing I mean "act like you are doing something important and keep leaving the room." I suppose my biggest fear of the night was that the video wouldn't play, and that was quickly abolished because it played very well from the projector and the image was better than I had anticipated. People started showing up pretty quickly after that and I felt the control slowly slipping from my hands. My cold and probably sweaty hands, to clarify.
After a few cups of champagne and greetings to the individual guests, I was politely (re: forcefully) reminded a couple times by @roamingmo that it was 7:45 and time to get the show rolling. Everyone took their seats and I stood up to start my chat:
It's a lot different getting up in front of your friends, family, and co-workers. Trust me.
Everyone is there because they know you, many of them love you, a good portion trust you, and a few probably think you're kind of an asshole. Fair is fair, right? Just being honest. But then I started talking and as the words were leaving my mouth I felt like being 26 was finally slipping away from me. This huge and incredible year of life... of my life... was really over. The reality of the situation was that I never wanted it to end. I tried to tell myself that you could make your life what you wanted it to be, and that's true, you can. I didn't realize how hard it would slap me in the face when it was over. What next? Where do you go? That all made me lose my train of thought a couple times and it was miraculous that I finished rambling off my speech without crying (came close once.) When it was done I quickly dropped onto a white sofa with my best @markstyleme at my side. When I heard the opening notes of crickets and crackling firewood that accompany my video, I started to cry.
I didn't really stop crying for most of the film, though it wasn't the sort of crying you'd think. I've watched the video no less than a couple hundred times, pouring over it and editing it and changing it and tinkering with it like a mad scientist. But watching it in that room, huge on the wall in front of me, seeing my choices, my actions, my thoughts, my wishes, the people I love and the memories I'll carry with me forever... it felt like I was seeing it for the first time. Really seeing it. And that made the entire project worth it.
When it was over... when M83's "Outro" finished with it's final notes and it was just me in a white shirt and blue vest waving goodbye to an audience I hoped was truly captive, I didn't know what to do. A smattering of applause started. @markstyleme pushed me to get up and then the applause really started. And they didn't stop as quickly as I thought they would, they continued. And there was cheering and some whooping and maybe a few tears on a few faces who didn't think I'd notice (I always notice when I make one of you fuckers cry, don't ever forget that.) I took my bow and explained that that was all, but people sat and stared. And I didn't really know what else to do, honestly. Maybe I should have planned a song and dance? Bent over and shot fireworks out of my ass? Seemed like that would have been a fitting end; "I did that, and now watch THIS!"
I wanted the project to be something more than images of a pretty face (see picture above (obviously.)) I wanted it to be meaningful and have an effect on the people who saw it, and it did. Or at least they said it did. The last minute addition I made was the tagline "get inspired." Short and simple, you get the message; take a look at what I did, hold on to it, and build off of it. I've always been one to take the creative ideas of another person and build on them, making them into something of my own. And in a digital age, I welcome any of you to do the same to me. Just give me credit when you do (c;
How else will I get published this year?
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