In february of 2006 I was working quite happily at Express in the Fox River Mall. We were in the midst of a large floorset because that was what I LIVED for back then. Changing the store around, new product being displayed, new displays going up, etc. etc. The big project of the night was back in the denim room and it involved taking these fairly heavy plastic leg-forms for womens and hanging them from the ceiling.
First you had to concoct this fishing-line tether of sorts just to suspend them with, but then you had to cover that with red nylon rope. They sent a whole spool of it to us and it was the first time I'd ever learned to tie a noose. Not that I've learned how to re-tie one since... and not that I even remember how to. Just saying. But after trying to figure that out for a few hours I ended up with a short length of the rope left over and decided to knot the end of it and loop it over my wrist a few times. And it stayed.
That's the story of how I came to wear the red bracelet on my left wrist for so long. It's not super exciting and it doesn't have a significant meaning, it's just something I put on and thought it looked cool. Decided it'd be "me."
Who all has ever noticed it? Let's take a look back in pictures, shall we? WE SHALL!
You get the point, I'm sure. It seems like it's been a lot longer than what pictures show but I guess that is more to do with the things I've experienced and less with the actual amount of time to have passed. The first month or two of wearing the bracelet I felt kind of dumb, admittedly. I've never been much of a jewelry person and if I ever had a piece of jewelry (like a necklace, wrist cuff, etc.) it was fairly short lived. You see the ring on my finger in a lot of these and that's about where the jewelry begins and ends.
The bracelet was different though. Mostly because I could never actually feel it when it was on, but also because it was a pop of color and I thought it looked cool.
Cool enough, as it were.
The first journey it took with me was when I went to Florida on a road trip with Jill. I left it on the entire time, not really minding when it was wet and kind of annoying me. I just forgot it was there and in a way that's how life has continued. Since then, I take it off if I'm getting wet (as I said, it annoys me otherwise.) I started looking at the bracelet as a good luck charm eventually and because I'm superstitious, I would panic if I left the house without it in the morning. No car-wrecks, speeding tickets or shootings (pfft) while I was wearing it and I was gonna KEEP it that way, damnit!
It survived good relationships with me. It survived some bad ones too. It survived an awful breakup, several relocations, and of course a few weddings and births. Eventually I wrote it into my second book, giving it to one of my girls (Bryna) and attaching to it a sort of hidden meaning that won't immediately become apparent. Best not to give it all away at once, y'know? The point I'm trying to make is that over time this thing has become much more than just a piece of rope. In several ways it has become me. A trademark OF me.
Over the years, however, it began to fray. The once vibrant red (see me holding my boobs way up top) eventually became more of a grayish red (see me holding baby Noah at the bottom.) It started stretching out, and within the last year, one end of the rope snapped near the knot and I realized it was really just an outer layer of nylon over a much thinner inner layer. I'd walk around work playing with it, sliding it up and down said inner piece, slightly worried it was all going to fall apart and I'd be without it.
And then it kind of did.
I reconnected with Scout in August and we spent an afternoon having coffee and catching up; all that good stuff. I had taken the bracelet off and was spinning it around in my hands (as I do when I'm a little nervous) and suddenly realized the other end by the knot had snapped as well. So I've got this, like... shell around the bracelet. And immediately I'm impressed at the inner core because it's red and I'm shallow.
Not red like the bracelet originally was, but this kind of mottled red/purple color.
For the first time in 7.75 years (or 7 year and 9 months if you can't figure it out (like I did... because I'm a loser (and single (my cats love me though)))) I untied the knot holding it together. And I tugged off the loose ends of the rope, dragged the loose bulk of it off, and retied it. And it struck me.
When I started wearing the bracelet I had just fallen into the swing of things at my first REAL full-time job at Express. I was barely 20 years old, a whiner, inexperienced at relationships and in massive credit card debt. It saw me through the biggest changes of my life I'll probably go through (but who knows) and has taken the ride with me up until now. Since I love attaching meaning to everything I do, here's the meaning I attached to it:
Taking off the faded, frayed outer shell of the bracelet revealed a leaner, stronger core. After the Golden year and getting back to my basics, that's what I did to myself as well. I sloughed off the shitty parts, decided what was important, and moved on. Leaner, meaner (not really, but I wanted to say it anyway) and stronger. Like the bracelet that is part of my "look," we match once again.
Hopefully I'll get another 7+ years out of it but maybe I won't. I have several more lengths of the exact same rope in a special place because I've always thought if I ever LOST it, or it was ever too damaged to keep wearing, I'd just put a new one on. Maybe I won't now. It becomes the sort of thing that is irreplaceable, like a child (obviously not really the same thing.) You get the feeling. Just because you CAN replace something so important to you doesn't necessarily mean you should.
I apologize if this wasn't a good blog, lol. But it was something I've had in my head for over a month and I had to just get it out. I'm sure something better will pop up soon.
Maybe I'll be naked in it.
Not sure how that would be better.
Ciao (c;
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