Updated Author's Note:
I failed to mention one of the annual Halloween rituals! How could I forget my mother's yearly warning when we set our pumpkins out? Josh and Megan, you know what I'm about to say. Every year we would carve pumpkins either the day before or the day of Halloween. Any earlier and they would rot. And every year, without fail, up until probably 2010 before my parents moved out to the boonies, my mother had the same warning.
"Don't put those pumpkins too close to the door! The last thing we need is a fairy princess catching her dress on fire." Some years it alternated to "a ballerina," but you catch my drift.
Because the tealight inside of a pumpkin could set flame-retardant material on fire in such an absolute flash that it would set a child ablaze before you could even say "Ooh, watch out for that candle!" I love you mom!
1986
Everyone knows what my favorite holiday is. It's not hard to figure it out if you know me and my theatrical qualities at all ::tosses hair::
When people tell me they don't get into Halloween, I think a small piece of me dies. It shrivels up, it rots away, and it dies. Forever. How can you NOT get into Halloween? It's the one time of year you can let your inner freak out without fear of the consequences! Dress up, go out, have a blast and return to normal life the next day!
Well, not really normal for me, at least. Typically I dress up a few times and the razor burn and makeup lasts a little bit longer than anyone intended. But I digress.
Saying you don't get into Halloween automatically makes me think you grew up in the most religious, reserved house in the world. I think my dad enjoyed Halloween but I know my mom sure as shit has always loved it and the proof to that is in the pudding. Let's review 28 years worth of Halloween and all that it meant! Or just skip to the end if you want to know what I'll be this year.
1986, 1988, 1989
I don't remember much about those first years. I'm sure most of you are thinking "Well no shit, you're hardly bigger than the sperm that made you," but that would play no effect here. I have a crazy memory about things in general, but I can remember weird details with pinpoint accuracy particularly when it comes to holidays gone by.
Those years, however, there's nothing to recall.
So we've of course got the cute little farmer, with drawn on (and subsequently smeared) freckles. Then the first and last time I'll ever be a fucking clown (thanks mom). And then Merlin, which is pretty cool I must say because I was a wizard with a taped and stapled hat and really, does it get any better? Nope.
1990
Alrighty, here we go, and indeed it DOES get better! This was the last Halloween at Lanfair Street, and it is the first one I can remember. My FIRST time as Peter Pan! The Disney version came out on VHS that year, and upon seeing it I was in love. What wasn't there to adore about a boy who could fly, wield a dagger and NEVER grow up? I was hooked. We grew up in a house that seldom (if ever) bought our costumes from a store. If you were buying it from a store, you were buying random pieces to make the whole look.
My mom was the best mom in the world because she made us our costumes each year. And no, not by putting things together, she actually went with us to the fabric store and we picked out a costume and pattern, and then she sewed the damn thing. Case in point, exhibit below.
1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1996
We moved to a new house on Knightsbridge Lane and with it ushered in a new era of costumes and traditions. We've got the Grim Reaper (and an introduction to makeup that would in later years become... something else) and a Pirate (and probably a gay pirate because hello, check out the shirt and fancy vest). Then there was my second go at Peter Pan, with a new costume that was based off of "Hook" because it was a live action version and I liked wearing the tights. Better shade of green, too.
In 1994 I was initially just a dead guy, but then decided with the OJ Simpson trial in full swing, I was Ron Goldman. Which was tactless, I admit, but I was 8 and didn't care. What was more tactless was when I shouted it at the neighbor lady when she answered the door.
"Haha, hi Sean! Who are you supposed to be?"
"I'm Ron Goldman!"
"Oh... ohhh..."
1995 is unaccounted for. I can neither confirm nor deny I tried fitting into the Peter Pan costume again. So... that happened.
And then in 1996 (which was the last Halloween we spent living in California), I went as this weird Warlock thing and reused my brother's vampire cape that I had taken to running around the house and backyard in. It was one of those foam mask things that you paint yourself and then stick on, but it didn't stay on and I think we ended up just kinda painting my face before going out Trick'r'Treating. You can see my face is all scrunched up as I tried to keep it on.
The tradition I spoke of was obviously the chili tradition, which still holds sway now as many of you can attest to. And I make a pretty damn good chili. We would come home from school and start dicking around with our costumes while mom made dinner. We weren't allowed to leave until we ate, so there was no point in even trying to convince my mom otherwise. "Siddown (not "sit down," it was "siddown") and eat! You're not going anywhere 'til you're done!" And out in California (not sure how it is now), you started going door to door when it got dark, and you went home when you felt like it.
None of this "4-8" bullshit.
So if it was dark outside and the doorbell was starting to ring, we'd get ants in our pants and start freaking out as if all of the candy would be gone. And sometimes it was all gone from certain houses... one year it was our house that ran out. And then we got toilet papered.
1998, 2000, 2001
We moved to Wisconsin in 1997 and that year I was a hippie. It was a wasted effort that was boring as hell and you don't get to see a picture of it. Mostly because it was bad enough that mom didn't even take a picture.
But my days of Trick'r'Treating were nearing an end anyway because I was encroaching on six feet of height and just getting older in general. In 1998 I was home from school for a couple months due to my gallbladder illness, and with surgery being on October 21st that year I wasn't healed up enough to go out. So I put on my Scream costume and pretended I was a dummy on the front porch.
And I scared the living shit out of any kid that took candy from the bowl.
It's the simple things in life and we all know how much I like to scare people in general. What a hoot! I did it in 2000 with @klreynol as my companion and again in 2001 for the last time. That's my dad being an asshole behind me.
1999
Ah yes, the first year in drag. What a glimpse of things to come! This was in 8th grade and @klreynol and I went out together for the first time ever. The gown and wig were both from Goodwill (what a shit wig) and the various bullet wounds were obviously from a Halloween store. People kept saying "Oh it's Carrie!" and I went with it, but in my head I kept thinking about how dumb they were because Carrie never got shot, she was doused in pig's blood.
It also took place in the 70's, while CLEARLY I was a dead prom queen from the 80's. With washcloths for boobs. Dummies.
2002
This was the last time I went out for candy, and yes, I was a Junior in High School. My friend Jenny and I didn't care, she went as a goth person and I was a frozen mountain climber. I think we only did two blocks and then went home and watched a movie. Talk about going out with a whimper and not a bang.
The Era of Drag BEGINS
2005
I took 2004 off because I had started working in retail and Express had the Christmas floorset on Halloween night. It was a definite bummer to spend my first Halloween as an adult by working until 4 am, but there was all kinds of candy there and we had a good time in the end.
The next year, however, was a different tune. Albeit a lower-key one.
I worked at a call center called Converygs and there was a costume contest on Halloween. Anybody could dress up, anybody could enter. And I figured "What the fuck?" and went as a demented fairy. I was decently chubby so I wore that lighter pink around my stomach so that I could cinch it tight behind me and suck in my gut in the process. It sucked having to sit in that stupid outfit all day long at work but the result was that I won first place in the costume contest.
Didn't matter I won "scariest," I still won a DVD player. And then promptly took it to Wal-Mart the next day to exchange for a couple movies because I already had a DVD player and it was a crappy one anyway. Then things got real.
2006
The first year I ever picked a character was Paris Hilton in 2006. I didn't really succeed, but I had a great time that night in Chicago. When I got down there, I went with @kconn to buy my very first pair of heels (size 15, natch) to stomp around his apartment in. The skirt was an old black t-shirt that I cut the sleeves off of and then pushed down over my hips to tuck into my underwear.
This was the last year I'd ever have a shitty wig (from a cheap-o store) and bad makeup, though I suppose the makeup aspect is in the eye of the beholder. I covered myself in bronzer (super thick) and eyeliner, and I suppose I was more of a precursor to Snooki than I was to Paris Hilton. But people got the joke and it was all good.
2007
Then came Paulette Bonafonte from Legally Blonde, and probably the most fun I have ever had on Halloween in my life. I think part of it worked because I had Jennifer Coolidge's manish face, and the other part was because I absolutely nailed her voice. @kconn was Elle Woods and we marched all over Chicago that night in our stilettos, earning our blisters and laughing hysterically the entire time.
And what was better was that people actually KNEW who we were. What a compliment! And people knew who I was! From that stupid ass shirt (It's All About ME!) to the denim vest and skirt, all courtesy of "Faded Glory" at Wal-Mart, I owned the character. I also got kissed by some guy dressed as a farmer with the best pecs I've ever seen in person, and really, how could the night have gone wrong after that?
Answer: it didn't.
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2008
Then Ken and I met, and though the first year and the last year we were together weren't really the best costumes, the second year was a blast. I thought "Glitter Glam Barbie" and "Perfect Date Ken" was a cute couple idea (my first couple costume) and ran with it. Ken didn't want to wear foundation but I forced him to because I said he needed to look like plastic. I got my clothes at Express and re-used @kconn's wig from the year before. Probably the least I have ever spent on a costume.
2009
Hocus Pocus. I went from the cheapest costume to the most expensive (I think when all was said and done it was north of $250 for everything). This was also the first year since I was a kid that I enlisted my mom for her help, and she made me the awesome dress for Winifred Sanderson from scratch. It was big enough to fit two of me inside, but I had a belt to hold it back so all was well in the end. And again, as had happened two years earlier, everyone knew who we were.
And they were ecstatic.
Hocus Pocus is just one of those movies that people adore at Halloween time (even if it didn't do very well when it originally came out in theaters) but it isn't a costume you see very often. Partly because it's a pain in the ass. @kconn was a fantastic Mary and after a lot of coaxing I got Ken to agree to dress in drag and be Sarah. We wore them twice, once for the big Halloween party Ken and I put on, and then again a week later to go out to the bars. I won first place at my own party. We won second place at the bar as a group, and that was fine because it was a $50 tab whereas first place was for a keg party. Who gives a shit about beer?
2010
The Baroness. Ken and I were having our second Halloween party (which was absolutely out of control, huge, and a RAGING success) and knew we couldn't blow a ton of money on our costumes. So I got thrifty at Goodwill and put together this puppy. I decided I wanted to do an ugly year, a pretty year, an ugly year, etc., and this was my ugly year (not to say Winifred was pretty).
Sure.
2011
Oh man, I was so skinny. Break-ups are great things, lol. I was obsessed with the movie "Suckerpunch" and decided I would be Babydoll in 2011. It was a one night only costume, because I not only had to shave my legs, but my stomach and chest as well (and that's no small feat) and the razor burn was an absolute horrible nightmare the day after.
Right before this event was also when I started writing the blog, so that's something you can just take with you all the way to the bank.
Babydoll was another creation of my mother's though, and aside from me ironing the pleats into the skirt, she made that costume from the top to the bottom. And I keep every costume (for whatever reason, because I'll never double-dip like Peter Pan again) and I'm pleased this one still fits. Kind of. Well not really, but somewhat and I'm sure with a little grease I could get back into it just fine.
2012
Twisted Sleeping Beauty. I was inspired by the collection of pictures this guy drew of all of the Disney princesses as evil versions and thought Sleeping Beauty would be the most attainable. I had a pretty good time with this one, but those contacts were a awful and I ended up flicking one out the car window at one point and then just dealing with the other one the rest of the night. I don't ever want to do contacts again, but I'll never say never.
For the full details on that year, you can read all about it here.
2013
Finally we come to last year and my return to dressing as a dude as Superman. I made the costume myself and the only bummer of the three times I wore it last year was that people thought I bought it from the store. That's really disappointing when you spend countless hours on something, lol, but it is what it is. And it was a fantastic costume because really, a cape is the coolest thing you can wear.
The full recount can be viewed here.
And then we come to this year. I didn't want to go from being macho Superman last year to delicate lady this year (ahem), and since I traditionally do an ugly year and then a somewhat attractive year, 2014 falls into the former. Best kick this bitch off in 5-inch heel/platform stilettos as a sweet transvestite.
From transexual... Transylvania... that is (c;
I'll put up the makeup test soon, and then at the end of the month you'll hear all about how good (or bad) it went. I'm looking forward to a new challenge like this and I have the voice down already. I'm a smidgen nervous to show so much skin but hey, if you can't do it on Halloween, when can you? I'll remember not to eat chili first. No one needs that. Ciao!
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