I know lately I've been writing this to let everyone in on the wonderful things that I have been forcing through my life this year, but right now I am writing simply to write. To sit back, extended my fingers, and stretch my mind. How many of you know how to do that? Stretch your mind? It's not really a learned skill, but it is indeed a skill. I guess it comes from not having a filter and hey, as most of you know, my mouth certainly lacks a filter times. Most times, actually.
Earlier today it started to finally hit me what has happened this year. It's been a lot in a surprisingly short amount of time. I've chronicled it all through the blogs, but still... it's a surreal experience. Buying a new car, finishing my third book, getting over an ex, giving out my number, finding a new job, leaving an old one, etc. etc. Some of those have yet to be explained and believe me they will, but this blog isn't about them. It's about getting out of my head.
Someone asked me the other day how I was handling all of it. It's a big step to buy a new car... it's an even bigger step to quit the job you've had for several years to head off to a new company. To some people, that's a lot. To other people, that's too much. I, being a champion for change, haven't thought too much about it. But today I started realizing that (officially) I have crossed off 11 items from my list of 26 Golden Things. 11 big changes in five months from totally new experiences, and that's... something. That's almost daunting.
Daunting for the sole reason that I have 14 things to go.
I'm not psyching myself out by any means because these are things I have wanted for a long time, but it does scare me in a particular way. Why did it take me this long to get the ball rolling? I've been upset for a long time with my job; I was upset with Bethel the Jeep for even longer. I never acted on either of them. I labeled 2012 as a special year, sure, but why does that grant me licence to change all of these things? Things that happen to me or that I myself cause?
I found this quote/image a while ago and I saved it. Sometimes I simply like the way these things sound at the time and when I come back to them a couple weeks or months later to re-read them, I discover they have taken on a new meaning.
I think the reason things are happening and changing for me is because I finally told my mind to just shut the fuck up.
Shut. Up.
Wounds happen every day in our lives; physically and emotionally, they are constant. Sometimes those wounds build up, add up, and eventually take hold. What I love about that quote is that it is such a simple and true one; deep down you know what you need to do to get better. On January 1st, 2012, when I made a prophecy for my golden year, I didn't realize what I was really doing.
It didn't feel like I was kicking off something so much larger than me. It didn't feel like I was getting ready to embark on a journey that would end up making me a bigger personality and a better person that I had been before. At the time it felt like a grand ambition, one of many that I had had before that would fade away in the dust. I've sometimes had problems with the follow through on my little personal missions. And that's the great thing about writing these blogs, these little love letters from me to the ether... the more you guys read them, the more it drives me forward.
Some people look at blog writing as a way to bitch and moan to the world, and they're right. But it is also a pretty effective tool at keeping yourself honest. For me personally, it keeps me honest. I won't say I am going to do something in here unless I really mean to do it, because otherwise I am embarrassing myself by not living up to it.
I suppose as of now I have three blogs to write about new items for the list of 26 things. If I can get two more things accomplished by the end of the month, I will be half way to my final goal.
I don't think that will happen, as May is kind of a bland month, but the summer will bring big opportunities and so will the new job I will be embarking on in just a couple weeks. The only reason I wanted to write tonight was because after a failed attempt at sleep, I needed to vent my thoughts. Otherwise they go round and round and I get annoyed. And then the cat bites my knee through the bedsheets (no shit, she did it last night) and then I scream like a bitch and throw her off.
Rambling. Okay, that's all I've got. My hair look awful right now. Goodnight gang.
PS, on a side note... feel free to share my blog with people. With anyone, I don't care. I'd love to have an audience that continues to grow. Unless you think these are shit, and that's fine. But then I would also wonder why you are still reading...
Maybe you're waiting for something...
like...
THIS!
Hahahaha, check out the fucking gap in my teeth. Braces twice, ya'll! Goodnight for reals (c:
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