the april update: second edition

April.  Great month.  Great, great, great month.  This thought process, or "adoration" of the month, is possibly the first time since back in 2008 that I've felt this way.  But I do, again.  There is a definite reason for said feelings, but unfortunately they won't be divulged in this blog.  They will be in the NEXT blog, posting probably early next week.  It's written and all that, I just need to get it out for you.

Hint: it has to do with my date.

So why was April great?  It just... was.  It was a fantastic month, they actually DO happen!  The weather finally started shifting and rearranging itself into a mostly tolerable temperature and such a thing tends have have a very subliminal yet profound effect on me.  On you?  I assume on everybody but y'all know what happens when you assume: you're an asshole.

Proof's in the pudding!

As I sit down to write this update I feel like in some ways, everything yet nothing happened in April.  Does that ever happen to any of you?  You know you experienced some great things, and at the time they were of course great, but when you look back at the reminders you just kind of go "oh, yeah."  I dunno, maybe it's just me.

The weather was super nice at the start of the month and that got me out and running again.  Unfortunately it was a short lived endeavor (for now) because the cold that remains and the WIND that remains is just too much for me right now.  I feel like an obese asthmatic when I get home from a mile long run and that's just not right.  Until the gale force winds stop, I'll be exercising at home.  Because I know you care.

I can already tell this blog is gonna be a rambler.  Sorry in advance!

I started painting again, I suppose that's a big thing?  I used to limit myself to painting the "lyric" paintings but I want to expand into other things.  The blue tree branch last year was a start but now I just want to keep going and moving on to other things.  Anything really.  And I would like an alternate means of earning money so what better way (until I'm published) than doing it off of my talents?  I'm sure the things I paint aren't for everyone, but I think there's an audience out there and I'm hoping to reach them somehow.  Have something you want done?  Drop me a line.  Thought my abundant free-time could possibly be drawing to a close, I still have free time.  Get at me!

I went to Chicago around the middle of the month to visit Jillybean for the first time at her home.  It was a great trip, filled with lots of walking as we have grown accustomed to over the years of knowing each other.  I don't know why, either.  It's just what we do.  And sometimes we don't even talk that much, we just walk.  It's nice having a friend you can do that with, not having to fill the voids of silence with words.  Everything important has been said and sometimes it is just comforting being around someone you don't have to prove anything to.

Hmmmm what else have I got before I tie this up with a big bow... OH, the babies turned four on the 12th!  I know, you forgot to send your gifts, but really that's okay this time.  Paolo gave himself a new haircut (by licking the hair off his tummy (he had an 11-inch turd in his gut (you're welcome))) and Sophia decided it was time to start cuddling again.  I know you've all seen my cats and you know they're important to me, but sometimes I forget what they were meant to do and what they ended up doing and thus, in the end, I take them for granted.

Constant companionship aside, they weren't meant for that originally.  They were meant to fix something that was breaking more and more daily (my last real relationship.)  I suppose the way two people might have a baby to see if it changes the demise of their love, these little tykes were brought in to mend a few broken fences.  Ken called me one day while I was working at Express and said animal control in Green Bay had been called to pick up to strays from underneath someone's hot tub, and they found two kittens.  The 'lil boy and girl were hardly a week old and filthy.  Ken asked if we could have them (we hadn't discussed owning any pets up til that point) and I said we could take one of them.

One.

So then he sent a picture of someone holding the two of them in one hand and instantly my heart melted.  How could I even think of saying no to one OR the other, splitting them up forever?  I'm that person who humanizes pets (I think any great pet-owner humanizes their pets) and immediately knew as brother and sister, they had to be together.  Fooooreeevvvvverrrrr (the way that kid from the Sandlot said it.)  So they both came home that night.

Originally I'd named them Orion and Ellie but after a couple days of that, I decided I didn't like the names and changed them again.  Ken didn't care either way so I was ecstatic to be choosy about it (control freak, right here (never got to name a pet before (fish don't count (or the pet rats in CA (...or my hamsters.)))))  I loved a song called "Last Request" by Paolo Nutini and thought that would be the perfect name for the boy.  Then I needed an Italian name for the girl to match it and immediately went to Sophia.  Over the following months, Paolo became "my" cat.  He always wanted to be on my lap when we watched TV, cuddled up with me at night when we went to bed, or he just tended to follow me around the house as I was the unofficial "mama."  Sophia therefore took a shining to Ken and became more of his cat.

Our relationship bit the dust less than a year later, and Ken originally wanted to take her with him when he moved out.  I protested, feeling even stronger than I did before that you shouldn't split them up because they were brother and sister.  And even if the cats hadn't fixed "us" as a couple, we couldn't break up them as a dynamic brother and sister duo.  So I kept both of them.

I've probably now put more thought into this than I need to but being single for so long and mostly just having them during my down time, I can't help it.

For a long time I looked at Sophia bitterly because she represented Ken and I didn't like that.  But after that first year being away from him, she changed a little.  She got really mean to strangers, HATED my mom, and only behaved for me and one or two of my friends.  Since moving to the apartment she's been better and much more social, but still a bit tempermental around people.  And y'know what?  That's fine.  They've been through a lot, they've been moved around a lot, and if she wants to be a sassy bitch to my friends so be it.  She still cuddles up to me every night when it's bed time and that, coupled with the fact she's always had softer fur than Paolo, earns her a comfy spot at my side.  As my cat now, no one elses.  Paolo is still just a butthole that never leaves me alone.

Holy shit, this blog has become a love letter to my cats.  Sorry 'bout that...

So, what else happened in April?  Watched Miss T sing with Roadtrip on her birthday, rode the Metro in Chicago for the first time ever (surprisingly,) and had my first deep dish pizza.  Ever.  Learned sometimes it's the people closest that disappoint the most, set my oven on fire, and shared a second consecutive Easter with the Reynolds family.  But most of all?  I took me being single and struck a match toward it.  If that match sets the whole situation on fire, we shall see, but all I will say until the next blog is that where there's smoke, there's fire.

And trust you me, there's a whoooooole lot of smoke around that singleness!

So this time I think I'll leave you with a video from Glee.  Yes, Glee.  Now, I'll preface this by saying I haven't been amazed by Glee in a long time (if amazed is even the right word (...excited?)) but last week it got to me.  Rachel finally gets her broadway debut, nails it, and the group goes out to celebrate. Immediately I'm interested because they go to a gay club and then what's more, they perform "Pumpin Blood" by NONONO.  The song is one of those songs that resonates with me, I found it last summer and had compeltely forgotten about it until now.

So the characters feeling excited, having fun the way they used to, and singing a really good song, all that combined... struck me.  And I realized how right now, for the first time in a really, really long time, I'm genuinely happy.

It's been six years this month since I've felt this way, to be exact.  Toodles gang (c:

 

random truths, first edition

Alright, time to unveil one of the "new" blogs!  So excited I could just spit.  I find it's easier for me to write these things when I have a storyline to follow (not really a storyline, but more of a guide if you know what I mean.)  The existing storyline blogs are the yearly "iteration" blogs, the yearly "new resolution" blogs, and of course the most read of 'em all, the "monthly update" blogs.

I should give you statistics sometime on who actually reads what.  You might feel sympathy for me, haha.

So today, before your very eyes, I am unveiling the newest addition to the storyline blogs, "random truths."  I'll keep it to a list of ten each time, and these won't be monthly but maybe every couple months.  I've been storing thoughts and ideas for these things for coming up on a year now, trying to build an arsenal of topics to write about.  Some of these are funny, some maybe less so; some are random memories, and a lot of them are things that have happened and are maybe just plain ridiculous.  In the end, they are all random truths about me (your favorite self-proclaimed author) and just what it is that makes me tick.  Or come undone, as it were.

Enjoy (c:

1.) Sometimes when people profess a thought or emotion to me in regards to my well being, I want to ask them why they care.  And it's not to be mean or a bitch, I actually genuinely want to know why they care.  It's probably just the natural curiosity in me looking for detail and reason behind any kind of logic, or it may be because I am constantly trying to get people to prove things to me.  I dunno.  There was one time I mentioned to a coworker that I over analyze everything, be it people or places or things, and that I kind of hated it about myself.  She told me it's the writer in me, looking for detail and reasoning so I can better explain things in my own words; I found something comforting in that.

I used to think I was overly judgmental by picking people apart with my mind, in a good way or a bad way, but now I realize it maybe isn't being judgmental.  It's just being observant.

Downtown Redlands

2.) I grew up in a city in Southern California named Redlands, part of the "Inland Empire" which to me makes it sound really fancy.  I never thought it was a fancy city, and it wasn't, but looking at pictures of the place now certainly evokes a sense of something a lot nicer than how I remember it.  Maybe it's one of those things where you don't notice until it's gone from your life, but I was only 11 when we moved away so how the hell would I know the difference?

This picture is dated 2009... the sign implies otherwise.

There was a mall though, the Redlands Mall, and the other day while I was at work we were talking about the Easter Bunny outside our store and I got to thinking about that mall.  It wasn't the kind of place you really went to for big shopping, but it had enough stores (Miller's Outpost sticks out for some reason) to get you to go and there was always the excitement of seeing "Hot Dog on a Stick" and their big machines of bubbling fresh lemonade that my mom would never let us have.  For a reason lost on me, the biggest thing I can remember is the smell of a cafe just inside one of the entrances.  Sometimes my mom would take me inside and we'd get hot chocolate and a donut, and the smell of that place permeated the majority of the mall.  I don't know why that's what I remember, but if I close my eyes and focus I can recall exactly what the aroma was like.  I guess the mall closed a few years ago and I won't get to experience that ever again, but I can hold on to it as long as I'd like.

3.) In the second house I ever lived in (our first two-story home) I remember spending a day building a fort in my bedroom.  Sheets from the foot of the bed to a couple chairs, pillows for walls, etc. etc.  My dad was the kind of dad that left for work at 5 am every morning and came home in time for dinner at 6 pm every evening, and we were supposed to leave him alone after that so he could unwind.  I remember this day in particular because after dinner I went outside and was playing with my big brother Josh.  I was probably 8 and he would be about 15.  For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to bounce up and down on the front bumper of my dad's car.

Something like this.

It wasn't some luxurious car, we never had one of those, but it was a company car.  I don't remember the exact make and model but it was some kind of gray town-car looking thinking.  Maybe an Oldsmobile, I dunno, but I was bouncing on that front bumper all the same.  And at some point, I bounced in juuuuuust the wrong way and tore the license plate off.  I remember staring at my brother in absolute horror and he just said "You should go inside."  I didn't need to be told twice, and I fuckin' BOOKED it up to my fort in my bedroom to hide.

It felt like I hid forever, but then again 30 minutes feels like a lifetime to a kid and that's probably all it was.

Now, I don't know if my brother put the plate back on without saying a word or if he told my father and he himself then had to put the plate back on.  All I know is I never got in trouble for it and the plate was magically fixed.  And really, that's the kind of family we've always been.  Super passive-aggressive.  You didn't get in trouble unless you really cocked up because we just weren't big on confrontation.  And in the end, maybe it wasn't a big deal at all.  I don't know what I was so afraid of, we never really got hit (a couple spanks or swats for swearing, that's about it) but I was sure he was going to rip my pretty blond hair out and then stab my eyes with a fork.

Because that's the most obvious form of punishment.

4.) Speaking of being passive aggressive, a few years ago when one of my friendships bit the proverbial dust, I was told I was the most passive aggressive person she'd ever known.  Your immediate first thought when someone tells you that is "Eat shit and die!  I am NOT passive aggressive!"  But time goes on and some words stick, and eventually you realize that maybe they were right.  I don't think being passive aggressive is necessarily a bad thing, nor always a good thing, but it does have a way of getting me what I want.  Sometimes it's all in the eyes... and how crazy they look (c:

Babydoll and BB Bottoms

5.) The smell of Tresemme hairspray will forever remind me of Halloween 2011 with @markstyleme.  I dressed up as Babydoll from the movie Suckerpunch and it was the first time I ever went as something even remotely "sexy."  I don't look at Halloween as an opportunity to dress like a whore, I look at it as an opportunity to dress up as a character and just have fun, not to be on the prowl to find a prospective date (though I did find a short-lived boyfriend that evening.)

Twinkles!

Those bangs had a lot of hairspray in them to keep 'em off my face, and it was the first time I'd ever used that brand.  Because of it, I will always associate the smell with that night.  It was so much fun and it was an evening that involved me wiping out on my ass in the middle of the street (thanks a lot, spinning high-kicks (and Malibu (...and Mary Jane heels.)))

Paparazzi and me without a stitch of makeup?

6.) Speaking of drag, the first time I ever did it reveals how my skill changed over the years.  The above was in 2006 when I went to Chicago to spend Halloween with my friend Kyle and his roommates.  @markstyleme was SUPPOSED to come, he was going to be the Nicole Richie to my Paris Hilton, but he backed out and I'd already purchased the stuff.  The shirt was from Express, the wig was $10 from a costume store, and the skirt was a t-shirt I cut the top off of and then tucked into my underwear; a far cry from the handmade Babydoll costume.  It was also the first time I ever wore heels.

Velma Kelly and Paris

I've got to say, it was an absolute blast.  I clearly had no idea what I was doing with the makeup and covered myself completely in bronzer as a result (though I got away with it when I said I was Paris Hilton because then people "got it.")  I marched around in those heels for the entire night, making myself 6'7", and knew it'd be something I'd do for almost every Halloween after.  I was nervous to do drag but in the end the fun aspect of it took over.  I'd never do it as a profession, I hate shaving with a razor, but for once a year it's not bad.  And it turns a lot of heads, hahaha.

7.) Sometimes when I drive over bridges at night, I wonder what I would do if the bridge collapsed beneath me and I survived the fall.  Is that weird?  I dunno.  I always figure I'd smash the window open (with what, I have no clue (a heel if it was Halloween...)) and then swim to shore with an AMAZING story to tell.  I also hope this never actually happens to me.

8.) I get really annoyed when people use too many exclamation points.  You know what I mean, right!?!?!?!?  One of them is sufficient enough, two of them if used sparingly and ONLY when you're super excited, but when you hit three you've lost me and I think you just let your fat finger sit on the button for too long.

9.) THAT being said, wanna know the most overused punctuation of all?  The ellipsis (this puppy "...".)  I feel like I am going to have a seizure when people say something to me OR anyone else, and end their statement with an ellipsis when it should just be a period or question mark.  For example:

"Happy Birthday..."

"What are you doing later..."

"I had such a good time last night..."

An ellipsis denotes you have more to say... I hope everyone knows that.  And when I say those words, I know it's foolish because clearly everyone does NOT know.  When I see comments like those above, I automatically fill in the rest.

"Happy Birthday... grandma died."

"What are you doing later... I already have plans but I'm curious."

"I had such a good time last night... oh and by the way, I have crabs.  Sorry 'bout it."

Party of the Summer (2006)

10.) The girl in the picture above is Selena, but I coined the nickname Cha-Cha for her a really long time ago and it just stuck (eventually we mostly called her Chach.)  She's not dead or anything morbid, she moved away to Florida about four years ago and we eventually fell out of touch.  Chach was one of those people that brought out the life in you.  She was fun, carefree, and while being so she was also the most caring.  I called her once on Valentine's Day years and years ago and left her a nice voicemail.  I'll tell anyone how I don't ever remember anything that comes out of my mouth in the moment because I don't have a filter and rarely think about things when I'm trying to be funny.  I just say them.  Whatever I said must have been incredibly nice because she kept that voicemail for years after and told me she'd listen to it whenever she needed a pick-me-up.  It always made me feel good about myself when she would tell me that because it reminded me I wasn't that shitty of a person.

New Years Eve

One of my favorite memories with Chach was in the summer of 2005. She had a roommate named Doug (Dougie) and we just liiiiiiived to give him shit.  It was always in a fun way, never to be mean, but regardless.  We did it.  One time we'd gone for a long night-walk and when we got back to her house, we walked up the driveway and looked through the window into the living room.  Dougie was passed out on the couch with the TV on.  Naturally we started giggling like a couple of little girls and whispering stuff through the window, trying to wake him up.  So Dougie starts rolling around and looks up, trying to see where it's coming from (and probably knowing it was us through the giggles.)  Then Chach says "Oh my gosh, Seanny, look."  I turn my head and not five inches away from my face is a spider the size of a golf-ball.

I screamed so loud and for so long that it's a wonder the police didn't show up thinking a woman had been murdered.

SO...

That's the end of the first blog of random truths.  Thoughts?  Questions?  What do you want to see in here?  Strike back on my page ( here ) and let me know!  Is there a favorite memory you have of us?  A story I've told a million times that never really gets old?  Something you've always wanted to know?  Do you want me to tell a story each time through video?  Let me know; these are for you guys and not really for me.  Just something fun and light-hearted, especially for days like today in mid-April when it snows a fews inches and we collectively want to throw our hands up and say "fuck it."

Ciao for now (c: