random truths, first edition

Alright, time to unveil one of the "new" blogs!  So excited I could just spit.  I find it's easier for me to write these things when I have a storyline to follow (not really a storyline, but more of a guide if you know what I mean.)  The existing storyline blogs are the yearly "iteration" blogs, the yearly "new resolution" blogs, and of course the most read of 'em all, the "monthly update" blogs.

I should give you statistics sometime on who actually reads what.  You might feel sympathy for me, haha.

So today, before your very eyes, I am unveiling the newest addition to the storyline blogs, "random truths."  I'll keep it to a list of ten each time, and these won't be monthly but maybe every couple months.  I've been storing thoughts and ideas for these things for coming up on a year now, trying to build an arsenal of topics to write about.  Some of these are funny, some maybe less so; some are random memories, and a lot of them are things that have happened and are maybe just plain ridiculous.  In the end, they are all random truths about me (your favorite self-proclaimed author) and just what it is that makes me tick.  Or come undone, as it were.

Enjoy (c:

1.) Sometimes when people profess a thought or emotion to me in regards to my well being, I want to ask them why they care.  And it's not to be mean or a bitch, I actually genuinely want to know why they care.  It's probably just the natural curiosity in me looking for detail and reason behind any kind of logic, or it may be because I am constantly trying to get people to prove things to me.  I dunno.  There was one time I mentioned to a coworker that I over analyze everything, be it people or places or things, and that I kind of hated it about myself.  She told me it's the writer in me, looking for detail and reasoning so I can better explain things in my own words; I found something comforting in that.

I used to think I was overly judgmental by picking people apart with my mind, in a good way or a bad way, but now I realize it maybe isn't being judgmental.  It's just being observant.

Downtown Redlands

2.) I grew up in a city in Southern California named Redlands, part of the "Inland Empire" which to me makes it sound really fancy.  I never thought it was a fancy city, and it wasn't, but looking at pictures of the place now certainly evokes a sense of something a lot nicer than how I remember it.  Maybe it's one of those things where you don't notice until it's gone from your life, but I was only 11 when we moved away so how the hell would I know the difference?

This picture is dated 2009... the sign implies otherwise.

There was a mall though, the Redlands Mall, and the other day while I was at work we were talking about the Easter Bunny outside our store and I got to thinking about that mall.  It wasn't the kind of place you really went to for big shopping, but it had enough stores (Miller's Outpost sticks out for some reason) to get you to go and there was always the excitement of seeing "Hot Dog on a Stick" and their big machines of bubbling fresh lemonade that my mom would never let us have.  For a reason lost on me, the biggest thing I can remember is the smell of a cafe just inside one of the entrances.  Sometimes my mom would take me inside and we'd get hot chocolate and a donut, and the smell of that place permeated the majority of the mall.  I don't know why that's what I remember, but if I close my eyes and focus I can recall exactly what the aroma was like.  I guess the mall closed a few years ago and I won't get to experience that ever again, but I can hold on to it as long as I'd like.

3.) In the second house I ever lived in (our first two-story home) I remember spending a day building a fort in my bedroom.  Sheets from the foot of the bed to a couple chairs, pillows for walls, etc. etc.  My dad was the kind of dad that left for work at 5 am every morning and came home in time for dinner at 6 pm every evening, and we were supposed to leave him alone after that so he could unwind.  I remember this day in particular because after dinner I went outside and was playing with my big brother Josh.  I was probably 8 and he would be about 15.  For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to bounce up and down on the front bumper of my dad's car.

Something like this.

It wasn't some luxurious car, we never had one of those, but it was a company car.  I don't remember the exact make and model but it was some kind of gray town-car looking thinking.  Maybe an Oldsmobile, I dunno, but I was bouncing on that front bumper all the same.  And at some point, I bounced in juuuuuust the wrong way and tore the license plate off.  I remember staring at my brother in absolute horror and he just said "You should go inside."  I didn't need to be told twice, and I fuckin' BOOKED it up to my fort in my bedroom to hide.

It felt like I hid forever, but then again 30 minutes feels like a lifetime to a kid and that's probably all it was.

Now, I don't know if my brother put the plate back on without saying a word or if he told my father and he himself then had to put the plate back on.  All I know is I never got in trouble for it and the plate was magically fixed.  And really, that's the kind of family we've always been.  Super passive-aggressive.  You didn't get in trouble unless you really cocked up because we just weren't big on confrontation.  And in the end, maybe it wasn't a big deal at all.  I don't know what I was so afraid of, we never really got hit (a couple spanks or swats for swearing, that's about it) but I was sure he was going to rip my pretty blond hair out and then stab my eyes with a fork.

Because that's the most obvious form of punishment.

4.) Speaking of being passive aggressive, a few years ago when one of my friendships bit the proverbial dust, I was told I was the most passive aggressive person she'd ever known.  Your immediate first thought when someone tells you that is "Eat shit and die!  I am NOT passive aggressive!"  But time goes on and some words stick, and eventually you realize that maybe they were right.  I don't think being passive aggressive is necessarily a bad thing, nor always a good thing, but it does have a way of getting me what I want.  Sometimes it's all in the eyes... and how crazy they look (c:

Babydoll and BB Bottoms

5.) The smell of Tresemme hairspray will forever remind me of Halloween 2011 with @markstyleme.  I dressed up as Babydoll from the movie Suckerpunch and it was the first time I ever went as something even remotely "sexy."  I don't look at Halloween as an opportunity to dress like a whore, I look at it as an opportunity to dress up as a character and just have fun, not to be on the prowl to find a prospective date (though I did find a short-lived boyfriend that evening.)

Twinkles!

Those bangs had a lot of hairspray in them to keep 'em off my face, and it was the first time I'd ever used that brand.  Because of it, I will always associate the smell with that night.  It was so much fun and it was an evening that involved me wiping out on my ass in the middle of the street (thanks a lot, spinning high-kicks (and Malibu (...and Mary Jane heels.)))

Paparazzi and me without a stitch of makeup?

6.) Speaking of drag, the first time I ever did it reveals how my skill changed over the years.  The above was in 2006 when I went to Chicago to spend Halloween with my friend Kyle and his roommates.  @markstyleme was SUPPOSED to come, he was going to be the Nicole Richie to my Paris Hilton, but he backed out and I'd already purchased the stuff.  The shirt was from Express, the wig was $10 from a costume store, and the skirt was a t-shirt I cut the top off of and then tucked into my underwear; a far cry from the handmade Babydoll costume.  It was also the first time I ever wore heels.

Velma Kelly and Paris

I've got to say, it was an absolute blast.  I clearly had no idea what I was doing with the makeup and covered myself completely in bronzer as a result (though I got away with it when I said I was Paris Hilton because then people "got it.")  I marched around in those heels for the entire night, making myself 6'7", and knew it'd be something I'd do for almost every Halloween after.  I was nervous to do drag but in the end the fun aspect of it took over.  I'd never do it as a profession, I hate shaving with a razor, but for once a year it's not bad.  And it turns a lot of heads, hahaha.

7.) Sometimes when I drive over bridges at night, I wonder what I would do if the bridge collapsed beneath me and I survived the fall.  Is that weird?  I dunno.  I always figure I'd smash the window open (with what, I have no clue (a heel if it was Halloween...)) and then swim to shore with an AMAZING story to tell.  I also hope this never actually happens to me.

8.) I get really annoyed when people use too many exclamation points.  You know what I mean, right!?!?!?!?  One of them is sufficient enough, two of them if used sparingly and ONLY when you're super excited, but when you hit three you've lost me and I think you just let your fat finger sit on the button for too long.

9.) THAT being said, wanna know the most overused punctuation of all?  The ellipsis (this puppy "...".)  I feel like I am going to have a seizure when people say something to me OR anyone else, and end their statement with an ellipsis when it should just be a period or question mark.  For example:

"Happy Birthday..."

"What are you doing later..."

"I had such a good time last night..."

An ellipsis denotes you have more to say... I hope everyone knows that.  And when I say those words, I know it's foolish because clearly everyone does NOT know.  When I see comments like those above, I automatically fill in the rest.

"Happy Birthday... grandma died."

"What are you doing later... I already have plans but I'm curious."

"I had such a good time last night... oh and by the way, I have crabs.  Sorry 'bout it."

Party of the Summer (2006)

10.) The girl in the picture above is Selena, but I coined the nickname Cha-Cha for her a really long time ago and it just stuck (eventually we mostly called her Chach.)  She's not dead or anything morbid, she moved away to Florida about four years ago and we eventually fell out of touch.  Chach was one of those people that brought out the life in you.  She was fun, carefree, and while being so she was also the most caring.  I called her once on Valentine's Day years and years ago and left her a nice voicemail.  I'll tell anyone how I don't ever remember anything that comes out of my mouth in the moment because I don't have a filter and rarely think about things when I'm trying to be funny.  I just say them.  Whatever I said must have been incredibly nice because she kept that voicemail for years after and told me she'd listen to it whenever she needed a pick-me-up.  It always made me feel good about myself when she would tell me that because it reminded me I wasn't that shitty of a person.

New Years Eve

One of my favorite memories with Chach was in the summer of 2005. She had a roommate named Doug (Dougie) and we just liiiiiiived to give him shit.  It was always in a fun way, never to be mean, but regardless.  We did it.  One time we'd gone for a long night-walk and when we got back to her house, we walked up the driveway and looked through the window into the living room.  Dougie was passed out on the couch with the TV on.  Naturally we started giggling like a couple of little girls and whispering stuff through the window, trying to wake him up.  So Dougie starts rolling around and looks up, trying to see where it's coming from (and probably knowing it was us through the giggles.)  Then Chach says "Oh my gosh, Seanny, look."  I turn my head and not five inches away from my face is a spider the size of a golf-ball.

I screamed so loud and for so long that it's a wonder the police didn't show up thinking a woman had been murdered.

SO...

That's the end of the first blog of random truths.  Thoughts?  Questions?  What do you want to see in here?  Strike back on my page ( here ) and let me know!  Is there a favorite memory you have of us?  A story I've told a million times that never really gets old?  Something you've always wanted to know?  Do you want me to tell a story each time through video?  Let me know; these are for you guys and not really for me.  Just something fun and light-hearted, especially for days like today in mid-April when it snows a fews inches and we collectively want to throw our hands up and say "fuck it."

Ciao for now (c: