the december update: second edition

I'm always a little bit surprised with how quickly the end of the month approaches.  This year in particular it felt like December started and began in the same breath of air, but I suppose if you're too busy to watch the days go by then you miss most of them altogether.  Kinda sad/not sad in the same instant.  December is and always has been my favorite month of the year for reasons both obvious and invisible.  And while it tidies up so many of the loose ends from throughout the year, it also creates a few news ones that will stretch into the following.  It's difficult not to make this update a "year in review" rather than just a month, but I'll do my darndest.

Getting loves from the babes.

The month started off in a ball of stress wrapped in a button down shirt with a Pottery Barn nametag on it reading "Sean."  I try not to talk much about my job, good or bad, because I don't ever want to paint myself into a corner I can't tapdance with a backflip out of.  I think it goes without saying that any person who is the General Manager (re: Store Manager) of a retail establishment during the holiday season is going to be stressed out.  And while nothing happened that would cause said stress to be unbearable for me, I tend to over-think things and events and stress myself out over them like there's no tomorrow.

As I started writing this I realized I really have not taken many pictures of myself this month... not that that's a bad thing, I just haven't.  Really, this year in general has been a pretty picture-less one.  I blame my hair.  I ALMOST cut it all off a few weeks ago but several concerned parties stopped me from doing so and I'm glad they did.  As of tomorrow, I will have gone a full calendar year without cutting my hair off!  Technically it was a year in July but I said "calendar," if you'll notice, so there.

Pay attention.

I never got tired of my tree this year.

Above, you see how my initial attempt at decorating my first Christmas tree while living on my own was less than inspired.  It was all of the old stuff I had, filled with the old memories of a failed relationship and visual cues as to what life had been like the last time I'd seen 'em.  Plus they were cheap-o Hobby Lobby glass ornaments and weren't cutting it anymore.  So I started over.

Burlap is such a huge "thing" right now that it just made sense to use a garland and buy a big swath of it in red to wrap around the base for a skirt.  I focused mainly on silver orbs and the fogged glass ones (I love how they light up when they catch the light), and made the tree topper myself.  Lots of folding and cutting on that one and I would be lying if I said I nailed it on the first try.

Didn't!

The tree ended up looking a little more inspired than the previous incarnation and I was happy for that.  I bought all of this stuff to make my own ornaments (burlap squares, fancy paper, etc.) but I ended up not having the ambition to do it and will save them until next year.  I started getting sick shortly after putting the tree up and that sickness stayed with me for the entirety of the month.  It was a little more complex than just a cold or the flu, but in the end I am OK and have been treated for what ailed me.  You're stuck with me for now, I'm not dying.

 The painting I will never paint again (after making 9 of them)

The OTHER reason I didn't want to make the ornaments is because I kept having to paint canvas projects for people.  Which don't get me wrong, I needed the money it brought in and I had a decent time doing it, but then EVERYBODY wanted the one you see above.  So after those final two were made, I decided that "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" will never be back.  Ever.

It's fairly simple for me to do these and it really doesn't take much time, so if any of you reading are in need of some hand-drawn art (doesn't even need to be Christmas related), I have no problem making some chalk designs (though it's not chalk) for you to enjoy in your home.  For a relatively cheap amount.  Lemme know!

What a sight! 

One of the major highlights this month came when I got a text from my mom telling me she was at the Appleton Public Library and my book was sitting on the shelf.  I immediately got choked up and felt my eyes watering.

I don't know if you're aware of this but I published my first book in August.  If you don't know this, you should just go away now.

Like... now.  Go.  Close the browser or turn off your phone or drop your tablet.  Unless this is your first blog of mine... in which case welcome!  Bienvenido!

I'm not very good at marketing myself and I know that.  When I ask for people to share a link or maybe one of my Facebook pages, I feel guilty and weird and I don't know why that is other than the fact that I hate being pushy.  So finding out that somehow, someway, my book made it into the library?  It's an incredible feeling.  It's an emotional feeling.  And it certainly gives me hope that "The Onyxus Chronicles: Episode I" was not dead-in-the-water a month after it was released.  If you are feeling generous or know someone that likes to be a promoter, let me know.  I'm always looking for a leg up!

I want to go down to the library sometime though and see if it's there.  Ask if it's being checked out.  Maybe cry if it's not, but if it is, shamelessly announce who I am and wait for the applause to start.

A guy can dream.

After all that was said and done, the weeks went by and then we hit Christmas.  I had my guy and my parents over for brunch in the morning, trying my hand at a Blueberry French Toast bake and homemade blueberry syrup, plus these little breakfast casserole things that had hashbrowns, eggs, cheese and bacon in them.  It was pretty fantastic.  The green concoctions are Grinch Coolers (delicious Mimosa-esque drinks that I'll for sure make again) though the festive red cherries dropped to the bottom of the glasses and ruined the look.  Damnit.

#nailedit

After brunch we went as a group to see "Exodus: Gods and Kings" which was kind of a snooze but a pretty decent movie overall.  Parted ways for a bit, I made an AMAZING Shepherd's Pie, and then I scooted on out to the Manor to finish the day out with my family.  We had a great dinner and opened gifts, laughing and hee-hawing our way through the evening with some good conversation at the tail end, and then I was off to go home.

I opened at work the next day, my 29th birthday, but the antibiotics I was on had me feeling like absolute and utter shit.  Nauseated, dizzy, and like I had been hit by a truck.  So I went home after a couple hours and slept for several more then contemplated cancelling my birthday dinner but ended up not.  My birthday was the day they discovered what was going on with me health-wise so I finally got the correct antibiotics and was able to start the healing process.

We had a quiet dinner (not too quiet with my nieces and nephew (though my nephew was very quiet)) at Pullman's with my family and a few friends.  Nothing huge or la-de-da, but quaint and meaningful.  It was my first time not having @klreynol around for my birthday in a long time and something I kept thinking about through the evening.  I was still happy to have the people with me that could make it, don't get me wrong.

After dinner we went over to @markstyleme's house for cocktails though I was still feeling pretty icky and kept it to soda and juice for the most part.  Turning 29 just wasn't a big deal for me, not like 30 is going to be or 26 was.  It's just a filler birthday.  I keep thinking about where I might be for my 30th but that's something for another blog (a new resolution part iv) at another time (tomorrow).  I also keep thinking about how little interaction I have had through Facebook this month and how quiet my status updates have been.  Not many pictures, not many witty remarks, just a lot of silence.

A couple bests and my guy.

I suppose the biggest reason I've been so silent is because I've been spending time with Derek, the handsome gent you see on the right.  And there is still no nickname for him to use in these blogs and I'm fine with that.  When it comes to me meeting new people as prospective "partners" if you will, I'm picky.  Picky to a fault.  The biggest thing I look at after a month has gone by is "am I still falling or have I fallen and already picked myself back up?"  And of course that refers to falling in love.  After a month, if you're not there, you're not gonna be there.  That's of course my own opinion but who is to say it's any less valid than someone else's?

But with Derek I was still falling after two weeks.  Still falling after three weeks... and then just a few days after four weeks, I couldn't hold it in anymore and had to blurt it out.  The words I hadn't said in almost four years and the words I hadn't truly meant in almost five.

"I love you."

And he said he loved me back.  And everything I've had waiting in the air around me for so many years, everything I've doubted and been hoping would come back in full force some day, finally did.  And I teared up because that's what I do, and maybe he teared up a little too, but there it was.  The hopeless romantic who mostly believed love would never find him again, finally did.  And we're encroaching six weeks now and I am happy to report I'm still falling.

Whether it's his green eyes I've only ever imagined for a character in my book, his smile that makes me blush and grin in return, or just the simple way he gives me a hug and then takes my hand and gives it a little wiggle as if to say "hello, I'm here with you," it's enough.  It's more than enough, and I am over the moon while under the sun and all the freezing wind and bitter air of Northeast Wisconsin couldn't stop my heart from beating any warmer.

2014 has ended on the highest note I could have predicted.

So what else happened in December?  Had my first case of dehydration ever, saw the doctor more times in two weeks than I have in the last 6 years combined, and successfully watched all of Phase 1 of the Marvel movies with Derek (he'd never seen ANY).  Learned how to manage my stress a little better, stopped backing down from certain confrontations, and somehow managed not to write a single damn thing for my second book.  I avoided not one or two but THREE potential oven fires, saw "Into the Woods" and hated it, and finally (most importantly?) I fell in love with someone who completely and whole-heartedly has earned it.  Things are looking up (c:

See you in the New Year!

the november update: second edition

Clearly I'm Robin in this scenario.

I always feel like a total shit when it comes time to write an update and I realize I didn't write a single thing throughout the month leading up to it.  As if I owe it to you all because my life depends on it, and if I don't get one of these out then the world will implode.  Or explode.  Whichever,  I don't know.

But really I do end up feeling bad when I don't write anything.  Part of the reason I write so much is because I need an outlet to express whatever form of disappointment I find myself stuck in, either disappointment in myself or in some external force. It's weird to write that out but there you have it.  I guess the reason I didn't feel the need to write in November is because I haven't been disappointed.  Particularly in myself, because I've actually been quite proud.

@klreynol leaving town was a big slap of reality and it made me think about one of my favorite quotes.  "All great changes are preceded by chaos." It doesn't take a genius to look back at my October and see how much of a shit show it ended up becoming, for better or for worse.  I think the quote is applicable to real life because if you are too busy to look around, you're missing things.  As soon as the chaos stops, you have a chance to catch your breath and then you see what's waiting right in front of your face.  Perhaps it's the new guy working at your local Starbucks.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The month started quietly.  Best friend very gone to Arizona, Halloween events at an end, work settling into the quick pace of Holiday 2014... it was quiet.  I had the time at my disposal to work on The Onyxus Chronicles: Episode II without interruption.  And for a couple of weeks, that's how it went.  And y'know what, I'm just going to say right now that I wasn't going to write about the new addition in my life but hell, fuck it.  Because I like him and I've never gotten ahead by keeping these sorts of things to myself.

I met Derek.  Blog alias still pending.

It's been a really long time since I've been able to think about someone and just start grinning but I have, and there's something pretty great about that.  Not to put the cart before the horse or anything.

And really he was a huge part of my November.  Everything kind of fell by the wayside, including but not limited to the book (though I did finish the big edit), friends, and several phone calls that still need to happen.  I spent all of my free time with him and while I'm now starting to get the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I need to pay attention again to everyone else, I'm not too bothered by it.

So get over it if you're mad at me.

Outside of the whole "relationship status" thing, life really did start ramping up again toward the end of the month.  Ye 'ol boss lady, Courtney, had her baby girl a week before Black Friday.  That event effectively had her stepping away from the store and allowing me to slide into the "Acting General Manager" role I spent most of the year getting a firmer grasp of.

There was initially panic, I admit it.  Quickly that panic began to flow away though because you realize you're ready for this, you've been ready for this, and it's just a matter of taking a big breath and stepping in to start waving your arms like a conductor.  Or a lunatic, either one.

A few days later was the Christmas Parade and the 6th year in a row that I've attended.  I don't really know why I enjoy going to the parade so much, it's never as fun as I think it is going to be.  Plus you usually have to watch your mouth because there are kids around and I have a certain knack for swearing dramatically to emphasize a statement.

i.e. "Well THAT float is a big piece of shit."

But the company was pretty perfect and what's more, it wasn't tooooo cold this year (last year it was like -5 or something) though my toes were fairly numb by the time we got back to the car.  A couple day later it was time for Thanksgiving, of which I have a very love hate relationship for.

I'm just plain and simple not a fan of it.  I never have been.  I mean, I enjoy eating as much as the next guy but calling it a holiday with a "message" is just silly.  There are a handful of movies that take place around Thanksgiving and the fact that more and more retailers are open on the day of it, who gives a crap anymore?  And don't call me a Grinch.  That's better reserved for the better holiday following.

This year I of course participated both with my family and with the family of @markstyleme (pictured above) out in New London.  Now that the Reynold's clan has transplanted to Arizona, I wasn't able to spend part of the day with them so I transposed myself nicely like a leech into his.  Had a great start to the day though and ate my fair share, then drove on out to Parker Manor to be with my family.

Aside from a perfect sunset, I suppose it's a good day for the sole reason that I get to spend some time with my family that I don't really see all that often.  At least, not in official capacity.

Then you've got Black Friday (puke) and the ensuing chaos that is the season of holiday consumers.  I was lucky enough to have Sunday off and went to cut down a Christmas tree with my parents.  This is a tradition that I will continue as long as I possibly can, no matter where I live.  Obviously in a warmer climate it won't be as nostalgic, but up here you've got snow and crisp air and some good pine trees to fill in the background.  Obviously.

I was going to write this on the 30th and fulfill my unofficial obligation to all of you to have these out actually on time, but Derek came over to help me decorate the tree.  Then we watched a movie.  Then I made dinner, and then I realized that the things that are important (and increasingly so), are right before your eyes.  I learned a long time ago that burying myself in the magical world of The Onyxus Chronicles (or even now in blogs) doesn't actually do any good to the people around you.  And if you sabotage those relationships, what else would you write about?  Amen!

So what else happened in November?  Moved on to the second-to-last step of editing Episode II, started to get sick of growing my hair out after a year and a half, and stopped taking shit from a certain individual.  Screwed up the tickets for a magic show (day late, whoops), launched a so far VERY successful St. Jude's campaign at Pottery Barn, and started going to the movies again.  Laughed a lot, started to feel a lot, and all because I achieved boyfriend status with a very special guy.

December can hardly be disappointing at this rate (c: