traditions

I wasn't going to decorate this year.  For anything, be it October or December.

All things considered, the point in doing so seemed a little bit lost to me.  While I adore Halloween with a passion that rivals my love for my own parents (...), this year I haven't been feeling much in the spirit.  I had my costume decided on of course because that needs to be taken care of before August ends.  And I had my plans in store for what I'd be doing, but everything else?  Figured I'd pass.

I've always been a "go big or go home" kind of guy and decorating for things is no exception.  Unless it's the 4th of July, in which case, like... no.  But Halloween and Christmas?  Absolutely!  While Christmas decorating is a little more intense with the amount of greenery, berries, plastic ornaments to fill clear vases, a gigantic tree and all the lights, Halloween is almost as just.  Spooky cloth and skull lanterns, lots of pumpkins and general creepiness.  So to DO all of that takes time, and effort, and commitment.  And I've been lacking the last two.

Anyway.

The other day I was outside chopping the hostas down to nothing (because screw them, right?  Pretty for like two weeks when they're flowering and then they just take over and serve as homes for spiders.  And rabbits that scare the shit out of me when I'm mowing and go streaking out from the leafy cover, but I digress.) and throwing them into the yard to mulch up with the mower.

I mentioned in a video recently how I was concerned about my neighbor, Ray.  He's the nicest man, and I'll tell anyone the same that'll listen to me.  The day I moved in he came walking across the yard to introduce himself (he'd just pulled into his driveway, so it wasn't like... he'd been watching out the window and came running at the sign of the Budget Truck).  We chatted briefly and have randomly since.  He brought treats over for Christmas and I did the same, saying at the time that his wife made them and I kinda scoffed internally because I'd never seen her before.  I assumed he was an older gay man and just pretending.

Flash forward to this September.  I was kinda caught up with my own life but had noticed over the summer that Ray wasn't really taking care of his lawn.  Now this is a man who mowed his lawn twice a week, sometimes three times a week, and was always outside trimming and maintaining and doing all the things.  So naturally it wasn't hard to notice something had changed, and flat-out I just hadn't been seeing him.  One day when I was mowing the lawn I noticed a bunch of cars outside and people making their way to the house wearing suits and dark dresses.  I assumed the worst.

Back to the hostas.

I was attacking them with reckless abandon and looked up briefly because the garage door next door was opening up.  Ray walked out and waved at me, and I have to admit I was relieved to see him.  So I pulled out my earbuds and we started to chat.  He was quick to tell me his wife had passed away in September from cancer, "so I'm alone now," and my heart just about broke.  We continued to chat and I discovered some more details about his life, that as newlyweds he and his wife purchased the house a year after it was built in 1964.  They raised all five of their children in it, put small additions on (a sun room and the garage), but that it was largely unchanged.  He explained that all five kids live within 20 miles, and combined he has 10 grandchildren from them.

I felt comfortable telling him I was alone now, too.  That it was a different circumstance but how I understood the general feeling.  He sort of nodded and said he was sorry.  He must have known we were "together," even though we never frolicked in the backyard holding hands or anything super gay like that.  But he knew.

Then Ray asked me if I was going to put my Halloween decorations outside like I had last year.  "I really enjoyed seeing those... no one ever decorated over there before."  And without hesitation I said yes, and that I would be putting them out that same day.  So we said goodbye and he drove off with his sister that had come over to visit, and I walked down to the basement and pulled all of the totes of Halloween stuff out, grabbed 20 strands of lights and set to work.

While I know it's not too late to make myself happy, I haven't really been wanting to.  But for Ray?  For someone who went through a much harder loss than I did and could maybe find a simple pleasure from a few lights and cobwebs?  I can do that.  I am happy to do that.  This also got my mind spinning on other creative things to do.

So with that I got my mind cooking on the next multiples video and how I want to start producing them more frequently.  They cheer me up, give me an outlet, and allow me to play around with makeup in one form or another.  Especially this time.

I keep everything for Halloween.  A lot of it I really should toss at this point because it's gotten kind of junky, but for better or worse I still have it.  Maybe because as a child there was no greater thrill than opening up a box mom got down from storage and seeing all of the familiar and spooky things from the year before?  So I keep it all.  I also keep all of my costumes, even the bad ones.  I polled Facebook for what costumes I should break out of storage for this next video, aptly titled "Halloween Party," and here are the winners: Superman, Winifred Sanderson, Dr. Frank'n'Furter, Paulette Bonafonte, and Nicole.

Doing this required a lot of makeup, a lot of time, and a lot of planning.  Facial hair is one thing; five eventual faces of makeup is another.  Frank'n'Furter had to be a standalone paint job.  Paulette had to be a standalone paint job.  For Winifred I had to glue down all of the hair on my chest, come it outward, and set it with powder and foundation (because the FUCK if am I shaving it off (didn't quite turn out how I wanted but whatever)).  The good thing about Winifred Sanderson is that she actually doesn't have eyebrows.  So for the face I only had to wipe off the lips, refill them, add extra eyeshadow and then brows.  Done!  And for the final look, well... you can see it above.

I think when Halloween wraps this year it'll have just been a slightly "off" year for me.  I still decorated in a small way, it cheered me up a bit to do so, and hopefully it made Ray smile to come home and see the house lit up in orange, purple and green.  Halloween night I'll get the fog machine out and some creepy music to play through a crack in the garage door, and I'll do my usual tradition of chili all day long while carving pumpkins and watching movies.

Because I do love Halloween.  I love the feeling that comes with it, the finality it seems to bring of the warm months being officially over and kicking off the final "ugly" stage of fall as it leads into beautiful winter.  I want to recognize it and celebrate it and do whatever I feel willing to do.  I was afraid as the day drew closer that I'd be feeling more down in the dumps.  No one to carve pumpkins with, no one to make said chili with, no one to watch movies and hand out candy with.  Then it kind of struck me.

Those were my traditions.

I started those when I moved out, some of them had continued on from my childhood, but all the same.  They were mine.  Why did I think I needed a boyfriend to be with me for them?  That's just bullshit no matter how you look at it.  Ya did it before, do it again.  So I did.

Traditions done the right way; with the guy who created them.

I woke up this morning and started the chili, listening to Halloween music as I chopped onions and got out the crock pot.  I enjoyed my coffee, watched Strangers Things 2, and sat with the cats.  Got an idea for a multiples picture, did all that, and then ran to the store for champagne to make a cider cocktail tonight.  I can't say I'll feel the same way for Thanksgiving, but who knows?  I shudder to think I'd say the same thing for Christmas or my birthday.  Maybe I'll get a tree and do all the lights.  Fill my vases with cranberries and snow, gather up the garland and string it around the house.  I don't know yet.  What I do know is how that's the funny thing about traditions.

When they go bad, you can always make new ones.  If they were never bad traditions before and really aren't still?  You can keep doing them.  People come and go, circumstances change and ebb... and maybe I'm starting to change too.  It's a little early still, but like the finality Halloween brings to fall and the traditions that are ingrained in my heart, it's there.  Just need to start reaching out for it.

Happy Halloween gang (c: