the december update: third edition

Author's note: this WAS written in December, and I'm posting it only two days after the month ended, so I AM getting better. I'm tired of always being pushed around by you!

    - Additional Note: I'm not pushed by literally anyone and I live inside my own fantasy world.

We begin with a tree.

December started like most others for me, with the Christmas tree having been cut down at the end of November and the ornaments being put on and added to a beefed-up, etc. 

This blog is off to a compelling start, yowza. 

I was actually in panic mode the first two weeks of the month, getting ready for three things: 1) Andrew coming on the 13th to stay for a couple weeks for the holiday, 2) the Christmas party I was hosting on the 22nd, and 3) hosting Christmas for my family on Christmas Eve.

In hindsight, I bit off more than I could chew, but when am I not doing that, really?

I'd love to show off photos of what I was doing to the house, but that has to wait until the big reveal in March. The house was a total disaster when the month started, with gallons of paint strewn about the countertops and tables, floors filthy, scraps of wood trim all over the kitchen, and debris from new Christmas decorations peppered throughout. On top of my work upstairs in the hallway, I wanted to refinish the stairwell as it was the big eye-sore in the dead center of the house, so that involved lots of time (re: frustration) to get it all buckled up nicely. There were a few mistakes made during the process, one being me thinking the stain was dry and then traipsing across it in my socks and pulling the color off in the process like a real asshole.

I did cry about it, rest assured.

By 7pm on the 13th though, when everything had been put away and the candy had filled bowls and new wall-flowers were plugged in and floors were scrubbed and counters wiped down and mirrors spot-checked, I had such a tremendous sense of relief over what I had achieved. I think it's safe to say 90% of the house's interior at that point was "done," with one room in particular being 100% done, and that being... ::drumroll:: ... Andrew's bedroom. 

So that's the big reveal here, that Andrew is moving in with me at the end of January. He's not loved living in Maine, I've not loved living alone, and I'm certainly not loving the cost of home renovations, so it's a win-win for both of us. I wanted to get his room (my former office upstairs) totally finished as a surprise to him, so that he could envision his things in it and not have me saying, "I'll get this done before you move in, and I'll finish that thing too!" It's a wrap from the baseboards to the ceiling, so I won't need to be in his space working on projects or making messes. 

Anyway, I went and picked him up from the airport that evening of the 13th, and then it was going to be two weeks of (essentially) relaxing as all of the hard work paid off.

Trail of Lights at the Green Bay Botanical Gardens

We tried to cram in a few Christmas-themed things while he was here, as the weather was so unseasonably warm, and there was literally no snow on the ground. We visited Green Bay for an evening of beers at one of the breweries (Cocoon Brewing in De Pere), and then went to the Green Bay Botanical Gardens for the trail of lights. It was a fun and easy night; we got some spiked hot chocolate from the food vendor there and caught up, looking at all the lights. We also had an "aging millennial" moment with a couple that offered to take our picture if we took there's, and none of us could figure out how to work the flash on our iPhones.

It's fun no longer being at the forefront of knowing technology 😅😅

As the party drew closer, I purchased more groceries than I'd ever bought for an event in my life. I didn't need half of them, but it is what it is and I won't complain. I'd rather have made too much food than too little. Despite all of the stress leading up to the event and fumbling my way through some of the things, it went off without a hitch. Everyone who RSVP'd came (about 25 people), a few additional people showed up, and it was perfect. 

Perfect.

Clockwise from top left, Caitlin, Jill, Tina, and Leah

The first hour of the party was mostly me giving tours of the house because most of the people there had never seen the Estate, or if they had, only saw it in the beginning. It was so fun to keep saying, "Yep, I replaced that," or "Yes, I painted that," or "Yes, that's new" to almost every single question. Because though the year flashed in a blur, and I've been nose-down for most of it, I have to realize the sheer amount of progress made here is pretty fucking astounding.

There were several moments through the night where I had to take a breath and sort of... for lack of a better term... calm my heart. Because it was full. Hearing the conversations going on in so many rooms of the house, many between people who had never met before, was a fantastic feeling and one that I've been chasing since purchasing my first house. I love to host and entertain, providing a happy, clean, and pretty place for people to congregate, and here it was. People showed up, which alone was enough to put me over the moon.

A couple days later, I hosted Christmas for my family on the Eve (my sister and her clan would be flying to New York for the holiday), which was also a perfect event. The food turned out great; everything was finished and ready to eat on time, the tunes were going all day, and it was awesome. It's funny how it all shakes out to be perfect, almost as if the universe knows you were busting your ass for months and months, and hey, maybe you deserve a break.

Or maybe not.

When everyone left, I sat in my living room chair and felt just wiped out. That is understandable, of course, with all things considered. But it progressed into a sore throat, and I woke up sick on Christmas morning. Andrew and I went to my parents for brunch but returned home at noon because I was so miserable. Surprise, it was Covid (who's fuckin' surprised by that anymore, really). So I spent the next six hours sleeping through my fevers, then went to bed early that evening.

Happy Birthday to me

The next day, my birthday, I was just a sweaty mess through the bulk of it. Andrew was great and was helping me with whatever I needed, and he went and bought balloons and cake to celebrate my birthday. Lemme tell ya, sitting at the kitchen island and blowing the candles out with sweat running down my back was just the icing on the proverbial cake of the year. Maybe it was a lesson in humility... that when it's all going your way, expect storms? I dunno. What I do know is that this round of Covid has very much kicked my ass. 

It wasn't what I wanted, wrapping up the holiday season this way. It was different from what I thought or certainly hoped would happen, obviously, but y'know what... when is it ever ALL that we want? When is the holiday precisely what we hoped it would be, or is the season as perfect as we wanted? It never is. The only true hope is that the holiday season is at least nearly that... or that maybe there were enough moments during the month that were genuinely perfect and warranted it being a great season. 

And that part definitely happened.

Does anyone else ever look at December as the "hit the pause button" month for your life? As in... you just stop doing anything and everything that progresses your life because you're so busy doing all the holiday things and such that by the end... it's not that you're dying to get all the decorations and shit down because you're sick of 'em; you're just ready to just get back to living your life? That rang more true for me this year than I think any other before it. And as the days wind down to New Year's Eve, I just feel ready to greet a new year and move on with life.

Looking back on this year, I realize I never really wrote about my trip to Australia in February. I only wrote a little about the house (for obvious reasons) and didn't work on my book... at all. But also, looking back, I realize how 2023 made me start seeing things a little differently in my life. Go ahead and burn the candles you've been storing "for when it's right"; now is the time. Use the bumper stickers that make you laugh, and put them on your laptop case. Drink the wine in the cupboard, donate the clothes you haven't worn in three years, and toss the giant bin of old towels you cart from house to house. 2023 has been a year of simplifying and enjoying the things around me, because you can't take 'em with you.

So, what else happened in December? I made a plethora of Christmas cookies for the first time ever, hosted a Christmas party for the first time ever, and finally perfected a homemade alfredo sauce. I started to feel confident in my job, broke my kitchen in, and finished installing all of the door and window frames in the house. I sought to create a bespoke Christmas season, and I succeeded admirably, and y'know what else? I'm damn good at what I do.

Ciao for now (c:

Oh, and merry belated Christmas.

a new resolution part xiii

Imagine my dismay just moments ago when I sat down to entirely write this blog out, and realized I have not come up with the resolution for 2024 like I thought I had. I spent time down like a month ago re-reading a new resolution part xii, and figured, "hey, might as well start the new blog, make a few notes, and then you can come back to it!" I made a few notes, sure, but sure as shit didn't make a resolution. So now here I am, wearing a baseball T and short-shorts with knee-high socks like a real winner and coming up with fresh material on the fly. You might think I'm a writer or something.

Anyway.

Welcome!

Welcome to a new year, where new beginnings and fresh starts await and the glory of an untainted 365 days lay before us in all their splendor. Unmarred by war and sadness and death and misery and bullshit politics and homophobia and racism and inequality and all of the other things that make the Earth at present what it is. For now, we stare ahead and think, "this year, I'll do _____, and everything will be perfect because of it." I mean, that's the goal, right? Blindly assuming that because of the clock striking midnight, it also strikes out all of the bad from the previous year and gives us a fresh slate?

That's what it is for me, anyway, and I have no problem admitting that. I wonder why I feel that way? Is it the mere fact that because the date changes on the Gregorian calendar to the next year, I feel as if the page has turned, and I get to start a new chapter? Pretty much.

Last year I was in such a panic when I wrote this blog because the absolute clusterfuck of 2022 was coming to an end and I still had so many things dangling in the air that needed to be resolved. I'd gone through several of those tasks already, putting them to bed and calmly breathing at the miracle of doing so, but a few remained. That being said, my resolution for 2023 was to "enjoy my choices and follow my bliss," because the choices were wide-reaching and ultimately life-changing.

I did achieve this resolution, matter of fact. 

I followed the joy of being single and no longer working retail through the new year of 2023 and right through this new year 2024 as well. While there have been moments peppered through 2023 where I did think "hm, would be nice to be in a relationship," those moments were fleeting. I guess for that part of the equation, I just don't feel like I have the time to commit to someone. Not fully, at least, but that's for another blog. As for retail? Never looked back once. 

But the other extensive "choice" I needed to follow my bliss on was selling my house/buying the Estate/subsequently moving back to Wisconsin. I'm pleased to report that everything (obviously) worked out the way it was supposed to, and I have also never once regretted this decision. So there, Mr (Mrs?) 2023, I followed my bliss through your often treacherous waters and emerged bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on the other side.

An oft-stated but seldom achieved goal in the last several years has been to write more, either books or blogs. The book side of things has fallen by the wayside (please note, house renovations occupy mental and physical/emotional/financial space), but the blogs? Well, including this one (because it's my blog and not yours), I wrote 9 of them in 2023. Not only does that match the 9 I wrote in 2017, but it also matches the 9 I wrote in 2016. I'm still 9 short of the 18 composed in 2015 (sorry for all the numbers here, damn), but I am bound and determined to beat that in 2024. It should be easy, considering I am back to writing monthly updates (Please note, the December is written but needed to be edited more, and it won't be posted until tomorrow, but I will NOT be yelled at for that, and yes I did count that as one of my 9 blogs from last year and if you want to change that you're gonna have to pry it from my cold dead fingers).

Turning my focus to 2024, it has been a bit harder for me to quantify what I want to do. On the surface, at least, it's harder. Part of that difficulty is because I'm just so tired all the time, and can be hard for me to think clearly, but with that, my dear reader, we immediately uncover and open up the 2024 resolution.

I'm tired because this year, since purchasing the house, it has been an almost non-stop race to get it done. Racing to the point of jeopardizing my health, wearing myself out, running myself ragged... whatever you want to call it. As mentioned before, house renovations take a toll and it's never what you think it will be. Am I physically drained? Yes, but that can be turned around somewhat quickly with some Oreos and sleep. But from an emotional standpoint... not to get too deep here... but from an emotional standpoint, that feeling of being drained isn't easy to recoup.

Keeping yourself contained to your house for months on end, working and working on making it better and better, well... the world continues to spin outside the home. doesn't it? And while yes, your living conditions might be fabulous, you've also let a lot slide elsewhere. That being said, the resolution for 2024?

Slow down.

I want to take the time this year to enjoy the fruits of my labor. To go and get a glass of wine on a random Thursday evening, to hit the farmers' market on some Saturdays, and maybe go to a new antique mall in the lazy summer afternoons. To host impromptu dinners and movie nights, to go to a friend's house on a Tuesday and just chat about nothing for a few hours. I want to swing by my parents and check out the progress on the barns or the garden, to putz around with my sister and see what's up. I want to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, and know that I am living the life I've always wanted to live.

That doesn't mean work on the house stops, after all, there are two bathrooms to complete and the entire outside to paint and re-do that yard on, but the exterior is a project that can involve multiple people. It can be a gardening and bar-b-que day a few times in the summer, a painting party with cocktails and music, or evenings around the bonfire just vibing.

The point is to do it, and to enjoy it, and to savor each and every moment with my eyes lifted from the ground.

In many ways, 2023 was a growth year for me, where I turned my focus inward and just worked on myself. What would make me happy or content? What would it take to get to where I want to go? I feel like I have many of those answers now, and the greatest part is that all of the back-breaking work INSIDE the house is essentially done. This means it won't hold the mental weight any longer that it did for so much of the year.

So now I'll go off and clean the house a bit, and then make some spaghetti carbonara for dinner, and then I'll take a shower and watch a movie and hit the sack. And then tomorrow? Well, my friends... tomorrow we begin.

Happy New Year, and ciao for now (c: