a new resolution part xiii

Imagine my dismay just moments ago when I sat down to entirely write this blog out, and realized I have not come up with the resolution for 2024 like I thought I had. I spent time down like a month ago re-reading a new resolution part xii, and figured, "hey, might as well start the new blog, make a few notes, and then you can come back to it!" I made a few notes, sure, but sure as shit didn't make a resolution. So now here I am, wearing a baseball T and short-shorts with knee-high socks like a real winner and coming up with fresh material on the fly. You might think I'm a writer or something.

Anyway.

Welcome!

Welcome to a new year, where new beginnings and fresh starts await and the glory of an untainted 365 days lay before us in all their splendor. Unmarred by war and sadness and death and misery and bullshit politics and homophobia and racism and inequality and all of the other things that make the Earth at present what it is. For now, we stare ahead and think, "this year, I'll do _____, and everything will be perfect because of it." I mean, that's the goal, right? Blindly assuming that because of the clock striking midnight, it also strikes out all of the bad from the previous year and gives us a fresh slate?

That's what it is for me, anyway, and I have no problem admitting that. I wonder why I feel that way? Is it the mere fact that because the date changes on the Gregorian calendar to the next year, I feel as if the page has turned, and I get to start a new chapter? Pretty much.

Last year I was in such a panic when I wrote this blog because the absolute clusterfuck of 2022 was coming to an end and I still had so many things dangling in the air that needed to be resolved. I'd gone through several of those tasks already, putting them to bed and calmly breathing at the miracle of doing so, but a few remained. That being said, my resolution for 2023 was to "enjoy my choices and follow my bliss," because the choices were wide-reaching and ultimately life-changing.

I did achieve this resolution, matter of fact. 

I followed the joy of being single and no longer working retail through the new year of 2023 and right through this new year 2024 as well. While there have been moments peppered through 2023 where I did think "hm, would be nice to be in a relationship," those moments were fleeting. I guess for that part of the equation, I just don't feel like I have the time to commit to someone. Not fully, at least, but that's for another blog. As for retail? Never looked back once. 

But the other extensive "choice" I needed to follow my bliss on was selling my house/buying the Estate/subsequently moving back to Wisconsin. I'm pleased to report that everything (obviously) worked out the way it was supposed to, and I have also never once regretted this decision. So there, Mr (Mrs?) 2023, I followed my bliss through your often treacherous waters and emerged bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on the other side.

An oft-stated but seldom achieved goal in the last several years has been to write more, either books or blogs. The book side of things has fallen by the wayside (please note, house renovations occupy mental and physical/emotional/financial space), but the blogs? Well, including this one (because it's my blog and not yours), I wrote 9 of them in 2023. Not only does that match the 9 I wrote in 2017, but it also matches the 9 I wrote in 2016. I'm still 9 short of the 18 composed in 2015 (sorry for all the numbers here, damn), but I am bound and determined to beat that in 2024. It should be easy, considering I am back to writing monthly updates (Please note, the December is written but needed to be edited more, and it won't be posted until tomorrow, but I will NOT be yelled at for that, and yes I did count that as one of my 9 blogs from last year and if you want to change that you're gonna have to pry it from my cold dead fingers).

Turning my focus to 2024, it has been a bit harder for me to quantify what I want to do. On the surface, at least, it's harder. Part of that difficulty is because I'm just so tired all the time, and can be hard for me to think clearly, but with that, my dear reader, we immediately uncover and open up the 2024 resolution.

I'm tired because this year, since purchasing the house, it has been an almost non-stop race to get it done. Racing to the point of jeopardizing my health, wearing myself out, running myself ragged... whatever you want to call it. As mentioned before, house renovations take a toll and it's never what you think it will be. Am I physically drained? Yes, but that can be turned around somewhat quickly with some Oreos and sleep. But from an emotional standpoint... not to get too deep here... but from an emotional standpoint, that feeling of being drained isn't easy to recoup.

Keeping yourself contained to your house for months on end, working and working on making it better and better, well... the world continues to spin outside the home. doesn't it? And while yes, your living conditions might be fabulous, you've also let a lot slide elsewhere. That being said, the resolution for 2024?

Slow down.

I want to take the time this year to enjoy the fruits of my labor. To go and get a glass of wine on a random Thursday evening, to hit the farmers' market on some Saturdays, and maybe go to a new antique mall in the lazy summer afternoons. To host impromptu dinners and movie nights, to go to a friend's house on a Tuesday and just chat about nothing for a few hours. I want to swing by my parents and check out the progress on the barns or the garden, to putz around with my sister and see what's up. I want to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, and know that I am living the life I've always wanted to live.

That doesn't mean work on the house stops, after all, there are two bathrooms to complete and the entire outside to paint and re-do that yard on, but the exterior is a project that can involve multiple people. It can be a gardening and bar-b-que day a few times in the summer, a painting party with cocktails and music, or evenings around the bonfire just vibing.

The point is to do it, and to enjoy it, and to savor each and every moment with my eyes lifted from the ground.

In many ways, 2023 was a growth year for me, where I turned my focus inward and just worked on myself. What would make me happy or content? What would it take to get to where I want to go? I feel like I have many of those answers now, and the greatest part is that all of the back-breaking work INSIDE the house is essentially done. This means it won't hold the mental weight any longer that it did for so much of the year.

So now I'll go off and clean the house a bit, and then make some spaghetti carbonara for dinner, and then I'll take a shower and watch a movie and hit the sack. And then tomorrow? Well, my friends... tomorrow we begin.

Happy New Year, and ciao for now (c: