What's funny is that the ensuing 7 years and 9 months went by in such a blur that today, when they have officially come to a close, I can only remember the best parts. The happiest moments. I suppose that's the great thing about relationships that come to an amicable close (because really, this has been a relationship.) In the end, when both parties are ready to say goodbye, you reminisce on the best times and ignore all of the worst. That being said, I am writing this post due to the completion of another item on my list of 26 Golden Things. Ladies and germs, behold:
#10 - An Old Door Closes; walking away from Express.
June 1st, 2012I spent the summer after my senior year of high school working at American Eagle. I'm pretty sure they liked me there, but the proof doesn't really exist. I think I was one of "those" associates, i.e. the kind that I utterly loathe now. Flippant, called in a lot, fucked around while I was there. It didn't really come as a surprise when the summer season wound down that I was told I was there JUST for summer and needed to find a new job. Poopy. So I went straight to Express, where I had purchased a couple awesome pairs of jeans (the Interstate Rebel, represent!) and knew they were hiring. The guy who conducted the interview was Matt, the co-manager at that time and after a long time, my store manager. We'll get to that.
My first day of work was September 18th, 2004. Back then you had to wear dress clothes to Express, because the company was in the "Design Studio" phase that required a much more... classy approach to the associate projection. I wore black Producer pants, a bright red 1MX shirt, and a black tie. You had to have three pieces on at all times. It was an okay first shift, I remember being really tired at the end because I couldn't sit down at all during it. That's because I was (am) a lazy ass. Quickly the month wrapped and then we were somersaulting into the holiday season and everything became a blur. Flash forward to the summer of 2005 when I briefly left Express to work full-time at a call center (worst career move EVER) for a better pay rate.
That November, I strolled casually into the store one night and discovered they were getting ready to have a holiday launch meeting. The district manager, Julie, was there that night and the store manager Heather asked me to come into the backroom, where they proceeded to offer me a full-time position as the stockroom manager. At that point I was miserable at the call center because, quite frankly, it was a bull shit job; I had been working at Express once a month for floorsets. So I accepted the job and came back, working solely in the backroom processing shipment and loving every moment of it.
I had vacation time! I was making more money than I ever had in my life! And never would again until 2011!
September 20062006 was a fast year, and it ended with an ugly accusation from the evil bitch-troll-from-hell store manager (Heather was gone by then) about me that caused me to leave the company. Being accused of theft sucks, especially when you have to talk about it for over an hour with a TERRIFYING loss prevention man on the phone. I was acquitted, because it wasn't me at all, but the damage had been done. That snake woman was a horrible boss and she succeeded in getting me to leave. Aldo Shoes came for me at that point, offering me the Assistant Manager title and a glossy raise. I shouldn't have taken it but I did. So I wrapped up some loose ends and parted ways with Express on December 1st, 2006.
December 2006Aldo only lasted a few months. In hindsight, I wasn't ready at all to become a manager of any kind let alone an assistant. The company itself was an absolute nightmare but I had a blast working with @jeffywitt, an old Express friend who had gotten me the position. When he left Aldo in the spring of 2007, I followed suit and returned to Express with my tail between my legs. I actually took a month off, because I could, before going back to work. Then we dive into the meat of my tenure.
I came back to the store at Fox River making just more than minimum wage, so probably around $7.15 at the time. About $5 an hour less than my previous position with the company, yech. I did my time though and was thankful to have any money at all coming to me, so I kept my mouth shut. Something had changed with me while I was at Aldo; though I had not been READY to become a manager, I had indeed become one and learned a thing or two. That was suddenly quite apparent. I had gone from child to MAN! Huzzah! Cue the fanfare!
By the end of summer 2007 the management team (save for that evil bitch-troll-from-hell store manager (now referred to as EBTFH)) was rallying behind me to get me promoted to a part-time sales lead. In most other stores, this is referred to as a key holder position, but Express takes it a step further and holds them accountable for sales. Makes them feel more part of the team in a way I suppose. I got the job, nailed the interview, and things were good. I slid into the "Brand" role, which means I had a heavy hand in store visuals. I had always been more inclined to that job and it ended up being something that would pave the way for the future.
February 2008I should also mention that in the spring of 2008, a couple months after that picture was taken (coincidentally a couple days after I had gone BACK to Brookfield to set up the newly remodeled store,) that EBTFH got her ass fired. I'd say I had nothing to do with it, but... ::tapping the side of my nose and winking:: I won't. Not a lot happened over the next few years to follow all of that. In the fall of 2008 I was promoted to full-time sales lead, still making less money than I had been as the stock manager but whatever. I did my time. If there was one thing I had learned from Express over the years it was that you were never just handed anything you had to earn it.
In the fall of 2009, @kochs18 from the Green Bay store at Bay Park Square came down to our happy little store in Appleton and turned that shit on its head... not to mention, he turned me on my head. He opened my eyes. Within months I had changed, turning from what I was into what I would eventually be. I became responsible for things at work, taking the initiative to just do things myself when it was apparent no one else was going to do them. I learned how to coach my team successfully. I learned how to run the sales floor efficiently. I am indebted to him for a lot of what I learned, as he was the first person that really slammed it into my head where it stuck. So @kochs18, if you're reading this, thank you.
By the time the holiday season 2010 rolled around I was essentially an assistant manager. Not technically, because our store hadn't earned a second co-manager (same thing) title, but essentially. The logical procession was that I would get the title when it opened up, and in April of 2011 it did. And I got it.
However, co-manager came with a catch... and then things started to turn again.
April 2011The above picture was with @shizzauna on my last day at Store #114 Fox River. My last day because in order to attain co-manager status I had to transfer to Store #621 Bay Park Square, in Green Bay, and the co-manager up there had to transfer to Fox River. I was heart broken. (Trying not to deviate too far from the topic, I had been out of my relationship with the dreaded-ex for a month at that point and still living in my duplex in Wrightstown.) The only thing I wanted in my life was familiarity and that was what the store offered... because in nearly seven years (at that point) it had become a home to me. Whenever the guy came for preventative maintenance, I was the one who walked the store with him to point out everything that was broken. Me, because I knew it better than anyone else.
I of course accepted the position, and the subsequent relocation. And it doesn't matter anymore to reveal to the mass public (all five of you reading this) how devastated I was. I think if I could do it all over again, I would have refused. Either the co-manager title or the store... I'm not sure. But I would have refused because it's all the same.
July 2011It wasn't all bad, admittedly. I was coming into a team that had some very talented people and I was also increasing my knowledge while doing so. The reason for the transfer was because the powers that be felt it would be prudent for me to be the ONLY co-manager, rather than one of two. That way I wouldn't be pushing any responsibility to another person but dealing with it myself. Which does make sense. And I would be working with Mr. Matt again, my hire-er and former co-worker, who had become the store manager of Bay Park when @kochs18 came to Fox River. I hope you're still with me.
The picture above was from the only time I was able to go back to Fox River, in July of 2011, to cover for the day. That's Christine, who has since become a fantastic manager in her own right. What was remarkable was that having worked there for nearly seven years and been gone a mere three months... everything felt foreign. It wasn't my home anymore and that killed me. I don't know why I get so sentimental with some of these things but I do, and that's the way it goes. So deal with it!
August 2011My Robert Pattinson hair, thanks Chrusty B. for taking this. I guess you could say that I came into my own at Bay Park. It was great being the only co-manager, for exactly the reasons they described. As Matt's right hand it made me feel like I was more important. Like I was more of a leader. For the most part I had a great time at that store, even if the mall itself was (is) a dump. Ask anyone and they'll agree on that bit.
October 2011
April 2012This came along one day in pack-up, the recognition award I had been waiting for for such a long time. It broke my heart to look at it and feel like it didn't mean much. The five years was on there because it was for five consecutive years, my stint at Aldo having fucked up what could have been eight consecutive years. Matt presented it to me with a note he had written, and I was happy. Honestly, I was. But there was that thought in the back of my mind that while yes, I had to earn everything I got with Express... this was it? Just a pat... not even a pat... just some words... I don't know. I don't know what I expected. A parade, an awards ceremony, a dozen balloons held by a fat guy with a belly ring... something.
Two weeks later, Pottery Barn called.
And there were way too many ellipsis' in that paragraph... sorry. Sorry again.
Giving my notice to Matt was difficult but something that had to be done. He knew what I was doing while I was doing it, so it wasn't a surprise when the time came. It was still hard. Like I said at the beginning, leaving a company you've been with for nearly eight years (regardless of what that fucking picture says) is like a breakup. The difference being that instead of one goodbye, you have several. You say goodbye to the people who have shaped you. You say goodbye to the people you yourself have shaped. And for every tearful goodbye, there is another piece of the puzzle that finally sets itself down to the adhesive and doesn't ever get to move again.
Today was my last day with Express; June 1st, 2012. It was also the most unlikely thing I would achieve on my list of 26 Golden Things this year. I'm scared of the future and what it is going to bring. I'm scared to leave this place that I know so well in the dust as I burn the proverbial rubber of my life's tires. This company has brought so much into my life, from people to experiences. Birthday celebrations that lasted all night long and road trips that were filled with amazing conversations. Beautiful weddings that were awe-inspiring and sadly a funeral for a life that ended too soon. It shaped me from an 18 year-old brat into a 26 year-old brat. Maybe with better taste now than he did back then. Not sure what else.
Express has introduced me to people that I will keep with me forever; @shizzauna, @jeffywit, @trishizzle, @kochs18, @emilylau22, @corkalynn, @jessicafritz, Mr. Matt, ChaCha, Joyful, Chrusty B., Miss Kayla, Samwise, and a million others that I know I am forgetting and I'm sorry for doing so. Most importantly it brought me to two of my bests, Mrs. S and @markstyleme, without whom I would not be the same.
June 1st, 2012I think the best way to round all of this out is to end it where it began. With Mr. Matt. Where @kochs18 "showed me the light," Mr. Matt allowed me to channel it and focus it into something cohesive. Something tangible. I learned the essentials at Fox River and honed my skills at Bay Park, and because of that I am able to enter Pottery Barn as someone who knows what the hell they are doing. I find it fitting that Mr. Matt hired me, was there with me when I left the first time and will be there to take my store keys back at the end of my last day, ushering me toward the future. It makes me sad, and in fact right now it makes me cry, but I know that the time has come for it to be over and for me to move on.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be the grown up in situations like these... breakups and what not. But that's the role I am meant to play for now. And it's certainly better to be the one to leave than to get your ass fired. Ladies, am I right? I'm going to miss my Express family so incredibly much but I know that for most of them, it isn't goodbye forever. I would never want it to be goodbye forever.
But it is certainly #10 on my list of Golden Things; an old door finally closing.
Much love to all of you.
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