Welcome, one and all, to the <em>very</em> first blog written on my <em>very</em> first website, seansparker.com, and written with the sole intent on flipping a giant middle finger to blogger and the fact that it so unceremoniously DELETED the entire blog I had written and was nearly ready to post for your enjoyment. I know you all get such joy out of my blogs, right? I'd written what I felt was a pretty decent blog, detailing my miserable experience it my job since moving here but the wonderful lessons I've learned from it, spinning it in a positive way like I tend to do. No one likes a sad nelly! But alas, it's all gone, and maybe for the better. Now I can rewrite that and leave out the bulk because it just didn't matter. I needed to vent and get it out of me like drawing poison from a wound.
I just hate re-writing stuff. Hmph.
I feel like from where fall began (September 1st) to where fall ended (November 30th (I'm quite aware those aren't the real dates, thanks very much)) there were miles of changes in between. 1,293 miles, to be exact. With tolls (thank google maps). Driving down was equal parts fascinating and miserable, y'know? I've written before about the move so I won't bore you with too many of the emotions. When I pulled out of my parents driveway that morning, I was drowsy but excited. And of course overwhelmed with sadness, trying my hardest to keep a stiff upper lip because if I didn't I'd just fall apart.
I thought it'd be a good idea to let the cats roam the car, which in hindsight obviously wasn't because they were freaked out and climbing all over and there was nothing safe about that. But they distracted me enough on the back roads during the drive toward Madison that I didn't really end up crying. I wanted to, and my throat was tight like you wouldn't believe, but I didn't cry. Outside Madison I had to stop and lock them up because while Paolo was being mostly good and staying in my lap, Sophia kept getting down by the pedals and all I could hear in my head was my mom's voice calling out "They'll get behind the brakes and you won't be able to stop and you'll die."
So into the carriers they went, and then the drugs took hold and you can see above what that did to their eyes.
Then there was the drive through Illinois and Missouri, which was boring any way you looked at it. Everything was the same. St. Louis injected some excitement with how surprisingly hilly it was after I got through the city, and by that point I was encroaching the 12 hour mark of driving. The day went on, the pit-stops weren't super frequent but often enough because I'm one of those "pee-ers," and the scenery continued to change. Oklahoma was actually really pretty, partly because the sunlight was turning amber and partly because of the fields were covered in what looked like spider-webs. Then it got dark.
18 hours on the road was a long time, and there were still 5 to go. In the daylight my attention span was focused but in the dark it felt like a treacherous drive. I'd also never driven for more than 16 hours straight so this was a challenge. Dallas was terrifying to drive through because of all the assholes speeding through the city but what're ya gonna do? Eventually I got to Austin (a good hour and a half ahead of my brother and his girlfriend) and stayed at her house. I thought I'd be able to just pass right out but I couldn't on account of a) my nerves being shot and b) the gallons of caffeine rushing through me. It was a fitful rest, and eventually I just got up after four hours and drove the rest of the way to meet Derek.
It took me a few days to finally come around from feeling sick (that much caffeine is like poison) but eventually I was good. We gave up drinking soda in the early spring but indulged after unloading the truck because we could. That Dr. Pepper didn't taste as good as I imagined.
The other big change that came with the move was the official loss of my once flowing locks ::pause for silence:: after just over two years growing it out. Things didn't go exactly as planned when @markstyleme and I decided to go dark, and though there was the initial cutting of the tresses in August, once I got down to Texas I decided it'd be best to just buzz it off and start fresh.
Would you believe me if I told you I didn't even know what my natural hair color was anymore? It'd been so long since I had seen it, either going from blond to dark brown, back to blond and then brown again, always in this "heave-ho" gesture. It wasn't a mystery why my hair always felt dry and far from an Herbal Essences commercial. By buzzing it off for a few consecutive weeks I was left with nothin' but real color and a few more grays I'd rather not have seen. The mission of growing it back out commences now, with the goal of never coloring it being my focus... but who knows how long that'll last.
Moving down, I was originally supposed to be working at west elm. We all know how that fell apart because of positions not being available at the right time, yadda yadda. It sucked but it was what it was. When I drove through St. Louis I got the phone call of approval that I'd be landing at PBKids for a little while, as the store was going through a big transition and they needed support until they could get back on their feet. Probably a month max, two at the most.
It didn't start off on the right foot... I don't think there was any way I could have come into that store and not been the enemy. Every move I made was wrong in the eyes of the leaders in the building, and it of course meant that my only motivation was to ruin their lives (which couldn't have been farther from the truth). I was there to correct several wrong practices and shift everyone in the correct direction they needed to be moving in. I also came in with the belief that being new to the city, they'd welcome me and make me feel comfortable and less like a fish out of water. How wrong was I!
For every nudge I made, there was a nasty bitch slap coming back at me. Take the picture of that Christmas window, for example.
I was so excited for the holiday window to be set; I love Christmas and I was hoping it would cheer me up. This was two months into my tenure and I was starting to become exhausted. I'd been brought to the store in my normal position of Associate Store Manager but was quickly moved into an Acting General Manager to have more "pull" with the team. When I came in one morning and saw the window was set, I was overwhelmed with joy and pride in the team for executing it and took a picture for my instagram with the caption "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, eeeeeverywhere you go." The next day it got back to me that the manager who set the window released a flood of words about me, including "how dare he try to take credit for our window, he had nothing to do with it." Because clearly that's what I was doing...? That's just a small example of the pushback, and it's not worth diving into the more harsh instances because it's coming to an end now and I don't want to dwell on it. After turning over 85% of the staff, managers included, I'd rather look forward.
West elm came to me a week after I started and said they had a position for me and would hold it until I could get out of the kids store. The initial conversation was that I'd be joining them November 1st. But things happened at the kids store and that got pushed to mid November... then the end of November... then the end of December. The store just couldn't get into a position that I'd be able to leave it without any guilt, or that I'd even be allowed to leave.
Finally it is becoming a reality now, with two weeks remaining until I can go and work at the store I have wanted to work at for the last three years. And since I'm at the end of my second tenure as an Acting General Manager, I do have to say it was a great learning experience despite some of the at times overwhelming negativity that came with it.
I had a wonderful leader in my District Manager, Randi, and I am forever grateful for her guidance and help. She always answered my texts, always took my calls, and that was a great help to me. She partnered with me on everything I needed and when it comes down to it, I'm sad that I won't be getting to work with her anymore. There are a few associates I brought on board that I will miss, but now that I won't be working with them I can hopefully extend those relationships outside the store. if so, they'll be my first actual friends down here in the Lone Star state.
I learned a lot about perseverance and what it takes to make something right again. I feel like I was tossed into a big pit of cow shit, knees deep, and had to shovel my way out. I've managed to empty the pit and somewhat hose myself off, and now someone else can come in and just give it a good rinsing and then fill said pit with water. Not that you'd want to drink it, of course... but you can at least entice new people to walk toward it. I'm bad at analogies right now, get over it.
You'll have to wait for the winter update to know what happens next in the work realm, but I have a feeling it's going to be pretty great. I've done my time and taken my licks, and now I can move forward knowing I achieved something pretty good.
All that being said, October wasn't the best month for me and I didn't really feel like I was in the mood for Halloween until it was right upon us. Derek was wonderful the whole time, of course, giving me the encouragement I needed and providing a listening ear when I had to vent. As the month moved on, we watched some scary movies but didn't really do anything else. No haunted houses, certainly. The peer pressure from friends back in Wisconsin eventually pushed me into dressing up and in the end, I'm glad we did. I repurposed an old outfit from 2012 and we threw together a costume for Derek, deciding he looked like Jan Brady when all was said an done.
We went downtown that night to see the festivities on 6th Street (an absolutely crazy party that spans several city blocks) and just enjoyed the sights. We walked up one side of the street and down the other, taking in how many smart, funny, gross, interesting, and sexy costumes there were. This was not the world of Wisconsin where people dressed sensibly in case it was too cold, this was a world of "hey, it's 7o degrees outside, let's take our clothes off." We had a really good time; didn't go into a single bar or have a single drink but we still enjoyed ourselves. Drove home, laughing hysterically and singing along to songs, bitching about makeup (it was Derek's first time in drag) and then getting some burgers before going home. Next year will probably be better and I essentially already know what we're doing, but that's the advantage of time. There was just too much going on to really dive headfirst into Halloween this year, but that's okay. I lit my pumpkins and bought/ate candy just the same (c:
Mid-November saw the one year anniversary for Derek and I. We had a nice day, eating a fantastic brunch at Sandra Bullock's restaurant downtown called Walton's Fancy and Staple. After that we went to the Whole Foods flagship store and bought everything for Thanksgiving, then went home for a nap, a walk, and then Spaceballs Quote Along that night at the Alamo Drafthouse. It wasn't a big ritzy celebration or a super fancy dinner for us, but that's not really who we are. What mattered is that we got to spend a day together, laugh and joke and explore, and wrap it up with family and a couple new friends.
Tidying up the fall season (and this blog) was Thanksgiving. We had my brother Josh, his girlfriend Anne, and my niece and nephew over for lunch that day. It was my first time ever making a Thanksgiving meal and it came together pretty flawlessly. Forgot to get rolls but big fuckin' deal. The turkey was probably the best I've ever had (not a fan of turkey, as it were) and the gravy was amazing. I messed up the stuffing but remade it the next day with more goodies and then ate that for leftovers for the week to follow. I never know how to set a limit on how much to make!
After that we of course took a nap and then mosied over to my former sister-in-law's house for a second Thanksgiving. The night went by quickly and we played games and laughed to our heart's content, and it was just the perfect way to end fall. It started rocky, had an even tougher mid-section, but ended on a high note.
We don't get to choose the circumstances that greet us when we make big choices in life, I know this. A tough decision is either met with tremendous results or awful situations, and unfortunately for me I was met with the latter when it came to moving to Texas. But all's not lost, because I still have hope. And that hope is what got me through it. Best of all, I can already feel things changing and getting better and that's a sure-fire sign it wasn't the worst decision I've ever made.
Maybe in a few months I'll be able to say it was the best decision I ever made? I dunno. As usual, time will tell.
So what else happened this fall? I discovered Paolo was licking all of his hair off because of an allergy to the litter I used, Sophia can't see well in the dark and might be partially deaf, and both of them still hiss at Derek a lot. I learned what it means to partner with an HR representative, got new tires for Bernice, and ate Chik-fil-a for the first time ever. Got almost all of my Christmas shopping done in early November, started working on the final edit of Episode III, and picked up the paintbrush again to start making artwork. Took the last three months to re-find my center, to understand what I want in life, and to look forward with clear eyes once more. It's not easy to turn your world upside down, but if the ends justify the means I'm willing to go along for the ride.
How else do we learn?
Ciao for now (c;
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