the winter 2015/16 update

I know you're all here for the winter recap and fear not, for I shall get to that shortly.  But first I need to get something else out of the way.

It can safely be said that this has been the longest stretch between blogs since I began writing them five years ago.  Now normally I'd be quick to apologize for that... but in this particular instance I can't bring myself to do so.  This comes about for two reasons: 1.) I have had a lot going on in life that has kept me otherwise occupied, and 2.) I've been afraid to write because doing so meant doing something I swore I would never do.

A retraction.

I know as a collective you've all just grabbed your pearls in shock, but unfortunately it's true.  I'm embarrassed about it to a certain extent, and to another I'm surprisingly complacent.  I know I shouldn't be but I am.  So what exactly is said retraction?

I am hereby cancelling my new year's resolution for 2016: document a year of my life by achieving 30 things I've never done before and recording them through blogs, pictures and video.

Would I have liked to do this project?  Yes.  A million times over, yes yes yes.  However, a question quickly overcame me after making the resolution, and that was "is this really necessary?" The answer to that is plain and simple.  Nope!  Let me explain.

Back in 2011 when I turned 26 I was in a really low place.  I didn't know how to be in a relationship and ruined a perfectly good one because of it.  I didn't know how to enjoy my life, so I worked at a dead-end job and succumbed to a boring existence of self-pity.  By embarking on "26 Golden Things," I sought to change that.  And I succeeded, ending my golden year with a firm grasp on who I was as an individual, what I brought to the table (be it in friendship or love), and how I needed to continue my life.

By wanting to recapture lightning in a bottle the way I did back then, it implied I was in as bad of a place turning 30 as I was turning 26, and that's just not correct.  This is compounded by the fact that a week after posting said resolution, I began working at west elm and everything just sort of... came together.  It immediately made such a project pointless.

SO!  Without further ado, let us jump feet first into the not-so-cold waters of the first ever winter update (c:

December's door opened with a glimmer of hope and it was the only glimmer I needed.  Call it the miracle of the Christmas season!  Presents for everybody!  My time at PBKids would be coming to an end in 29 days, and after three months (four by then) it could not come soon enough.  Those involuntary 10-12 hour shifts would be wrapping up and it was gonna be soooo good.  I already wrote before about how beat I was so I won't really go into it here, but suffice to say it'd been a long fall season and an even longer wait to leave a brand I'd hoped to avoid during my transition into Austin.

Some things just are what they are.

Finally a hairstyle again.

When December started (and really got going), I like to look back on it in terms of my hair.

Don't laugh.

Changes were fast and hard when Derek and I got to Austin, the most visible being that of my hair and cutting it off.  Then repeatedly buzzing it off throughout the next three months so as to get rid of the remaining dye in my roots and start fresh.  I got my first actual haircut on December 8th (albeit not what I considered a good one) and it made me feel a little bit like my old self.  It was the first sign that I was starting to change again, visibly, into who I used to be.

Anyone who knows me understands I like to a exude a certain amount of control, in my life.  With such short hair all I could really do was make sure there weren't any parts flattened down by sleep and then trudge on with my day.  I'm sure there is some sort of metaphor in that for leading a depressed life, right?  Look in the mirror, shrug, and hope for the best?  But as it began to grow, I could suddenly do things with it once more.  I was able to start shaping it in different directions each day if I wanted, and as that happened, my mood started to go in different directions as well.  So there.  Hair.

Around then I got the help I so needed at PBKids, hiring a truly wonderful person named Meghann as my Visual Assistant Manager.  She came in to the business ready to roll (despite less than stellar training on account of how short staffed we were), and still made the best of it.  I will never, ever forget closing with her for the first time and commenting on something she said by replying with "Party."  Meghann's response was "Okay, Adore," which not only meant she knew I was quoting a contestant from Ru Paul's Drag Race but that she had immediately become my new favorite person.

I think what had gotten to me being at the kids store was how much most of the people there didn't like life.  Either personal or business, I don't know, but it had worn me down so much that I just stopped trying to be funny.  And again, as many of you know, I like to be funny.  I don't always succeed but that's neither here nor there.  Meghann coming into my life was the thing I needed at just the right time, and I know I haven't told her that.  Being able to open up my portfolio of sarcastic comments, sideways glances, and witty banter meant opening myself up once more to the reason I moved to Austin.  I'd become so shut-off and closed to everything around me at that point.  It happened so gradually that was lacking a specific instance to blame and thus I hadn't been able to pull myself out.

She was/is so much like my friends back home, a wonderful combination of @markstyleme and @caitcd, that I felt like I was taking in a deep breath of fresh air.  As it were, Meghann became my first official friend in Austin (along with Jon and his wife Nancy, another PBKids employee that I can't forget to mention).  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I had a new Acting GM come to PBKids and she took the reigns from me.  She and my DM gave me all of the credit where credit was due, turning over 80% of the staff (managers included) and keeping the store afloat for as long as I did, maintaining payroll and not totally screwing the pooch.  But really at the end of the day I was more than willing to give the keys over, no accolades required.  Then things got normal-ish at work, and then who woulda known, my life started happening again.

My tree; my guy.

Because there was a Christmas tree up, it felt like Christmas inside the house.  And that was it; the city didn't help at all.  Temperatures were usually in the 70's or higher and fuuuuuudge was it humid Austin.  That's not what I was used to for December.  I wanted snow, and cold, and my coats out of storage so I could actually feel involved in my favorite season of the year.  That feeling of lacking evaporated when Derek and I went to see Krampus.  Suddenly I was more than ready for the holiday (if you didn't see the movie (mostly about demons at Christmas) it was absolutely hysterical and loaded with more yuletide joy than anything I'd seen in a long time).

The Gingerbread Houses

After that I was looking forward to Christmas, my birthday, and the end of 2015 with wide eyes.  Derek and I kicked off what will now be an annual Gingerbread House Decorating Contest, each using the same kit but making our own creations from it.  I won ::tosses hair:: but for 2016 we will change it up.  Same kits, but we will each buy a ton of other decorating supplies, choose a theme to adhere to, and then put a wall up between us to ensure there's no cheatin' going on.

There were a lot of arguments and threats while we made those houses.  Mostly from me.

Christmas evening; drinks, games and treats.

Christmas came and went, ending up as a pretty joyful day all things considered.  I'd never been away from my parents for that holiday so I knew it'd be tough for me either way I looked at it.  I had a great phone chat with each of my parents in the morning, then opened gifts with my brother and his girlfriend.  Went home, opened gifts with Derek (he had to work in the morning) and then got started making dinner.  In the evening my former sister-in-law and her husband came over for food, drinks, and games.  And when the last dish was put away and the lights were turned out, I was content with how it had all come together.  Not as bad as I imagined it would be, and seeing as I was still with family all day, I felt good.

Then I turned 30.

My birthday gift of a tattoo.

Which was great!  Thought I'd go another direction on that, DIDN'T YA!?  Echoing Christmas day, I was fearing certain emotions seeing as I didn't have my circle of friends or the bulk of my family near by, but Derek did a great job keeping me company and I couldn't have asked for anything better.  Derek took me out to get my first tattoo in five years, and one I've wanted for about three years.  It represents something in The Onyxus Chronicles: Episode III.  The characters will have access to something called a "bionic suit," which is what the two black bands on my right writst symbolize.  The line on my forearm represents "the seam" of the suits, which the characters can push there hands into to retrieve certain items, weapons, etc.  It's science fiction, obviously.  When they do this though there is a mist that comes out, a different color for every person, and that's what my tattoo is for.

That and it looks cool.

My amazing Alaska cake.

After the tattoo we went home and rested for a bit, then went off to dinner.  Josh, Anne, Kelly, Justin, and my niece and nephew Mia and Gavin were all in attendance.  We did the meal then went back home for cake and ice-cream.  Derek whipped this cake out and I screamed in excitement, because it was quite simply the coolest thing I'd ever seen.  If you don't know who Alaska is, just click here and all will make sense.

It was a great birthday and a great way to do a flying roundoff out of my 20's.  Will I miss that decade?  Not really.  There were a lot of great things in it, there were a lot of shitty things in it, so cut the damn cake and move on.

In January I officially began my tenure at west elm.  Finally.  I'll absolutely admit that for the first week I thought I'd made a mistake.  Much in the way I thought I'd made a mistake when I left Express to work for Pottery Barn, actually.  Stepping out of your comfort zone is a difficult thing to do and that's what was happening with west elm.  At least at PBKids it was the same company, just a younger audience.  West elm is a totally different creature all together.  So to walk into a situation where I knew hardly anything about the product (this time quite willingly) I had a hard time.  I'm good at the "fake it 'til you make it" game, but that doesn't make life any easier.  What did make it easier was the friendliness and general warmth I received from the staff upon my arrival.

A lot of them knew who I was, or at least knew there was a new manager coming from PBKids that would be stepping in.  I'd met several people once or twice before, from both being present at a Holiday Launch meeting and for the day of a big visit with the company president.  What I especially appreciated though was that everyone at the store was excited to see me.  If not, they faked it very well.  But they were kind and light hearted and generous with information that I was so sorely lacking when it came to product knowledge.

And they were fun.  They are fun, excuse me.

I laugh so much throughout the day that going to work has nothing but a positive effect on me.  It's so nice to walk into a place and be greeted with smiles and quick-witted jokes.  These are my people, the creative types that have a million and one things to say about any topic and a humorous outlook to go along with it.  They are dreamers and do-ers, so many of them new to Austin like me and figuring it out as they go along.  They are each a wealth of information on places go, things to do, where to eat, and everything in between.  We tell stories and laugh and giggle and it elevates me like you wouldn't believe.  Whoever thought a job could do that?

It took a couple weeks to not feel like an outsider.  It took a couple more weeks to truly believe people harbored no ill-will towards me, something I'd gotten used to at PBKids.  And then after that... it became as easy as breathing.  And it was about time I had something as easy as breathing, don't you think?  It was hard for me to come to the realization I was finally doing what I set out to do so many years ago.  Back in 2013 when I wrote that blog saying "I will move to Austin and work for west elm," I didn't know if or when the day would ever come.  It was such a pipe dream.

But it has come true, and I do work in a store at the heart of a city, on the busiest intersection, looking outside at the great big sky and enjoying every moment of it.  I look forward to the opportunities I will be able to take advantage of from here, as working in this store opens the doors to a whole host of options down the line.  For now I'm content doing what I'm doing, learning new things every day and expanding my knowledge.  But I just... yeah.

I don't really have anything else to say about it other than to smile and let my eyes tell the story.

Mumma J and her boys on the left; me and my best on the right.

We did have a couple visitors as well, one at the beginning of February and one at the end.  Derek's mom came the first week of the month and was our first official visitor from out of town.  We weren't able to get off of work for much of Jackie's visit, but the time we did have with her was great.  I took her around town one of the days, walking for what must have been miles through parks, streets, and stores.  We all three took a trip out to Hamilton Pool at the end of the week and did a crap ton of hiking there as well.

Katie's visit was a little different, partly because I was able to get the whole thing off, but also because we did more hanging out than anything else.  When people come down here I want to show them what it is exactly that makes this city so special, and I think so far it's been good.  She and I just wanted to talk more than walk, haha, and that's just fine with me.  We did plenty of roaming around and as with Jackie, we ate more than enough food.  But that's the point with company, isn't it?  Eat, drink and be merry?

All of that combined is what rounds out the winter season.  I know back home in Wisconsin it's still very much winter, but as I write this I can look out the window and see not only green trees and growing lawns, but the white buds of flowers and the brilliant lime sprouts of new leaves.  It actually feels like spring, which is weird... I'm used to having spring for like, two weeks.  Then bam!  Summer!

And in regards to cancelling my2016 resolution, I do have a new one to offer up (a couple months late now, but whatever).  I put on a new swimsuit the other day and got a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  It wasn't good.  I'm pale, I've put on an uncomfortable amount of weight since moving here, and in general I'm just not in shape.  Soooooo the new resolution is to change all that!  Not with tanning beds and diet pills, of course, but with exercise and getting outside and doing stuff.  I took a before picture, and hopefully in a few months I will post it with a picture of my progress, and then hopefully a few months after that I will post once more with even more progress.  It sometimes takes a slap in the face (re: chubby belly) to spring someone into action, and I'm glad it happened now.  Full speed ahead!

So what else happened this winter?  I saw a lot of movies, Star Wars and Deadpool being amongst the most notable.  Smiled at a kid while at work and got scorned by the mother.  Got super sick in January, had a huge chunk of nastiness removed from my ear which cured my vertigo and motion sickness of the last year, and kicked the year off in a high rise looking over downtown.  Went to the Dr. Pepper museum, saw some cool animals at a small town zoo, and enjoyed whatever free time I could with Derek.  And finally I was able to wrap up the season by texting hilarious thoughts back and forth with @markstyleme whilst watching the Oscars, and feeling so much more like myself than I have in months.

Things change if you're a good person with a good heart, and I have no problem saying that about myself.  I was waiting patiently for things to turn around and eventually they did.  I had wonderful support the whole time from Derek, and I hope you see why I don't need to document another year of my life.  Because things are really only as bad as you let them get... and some times all it takes is a change of scenery to make it right again.

Ciao for now (c: