the fourteenth iteration

There's something very familiar feeling about sitting down in early October to work on a blog... apart from the obvious things, of course (re: obvious being that I literally do this every year). The crisp morning air, my fingers cold and frigid as they pluck at the keyboard, a steaming mug of coffee in front of me, and the leaves outside finally starting to tumble and scrape across the street as they finish drying out. 

I love this feeling. 

I love the feeling of being back in a comfort zone of reminiscence, where I can calmly look at the 12 months leading to today and contemplate what I wrote a year ago, and how it has changed now. Different from the 'new resolution' blogs, where I determine what my personal goal will be for the year, these blogs are reserved more for a retrospective of where I was then and where I am now on key points. Usually, it's for the better, though in the past, there were times it was for the worse. Luckily, today, it's the former. 

So without further ado, let's explore it together in my favorite blog series that I get to revisit like an old friend, every October:

The Thirteen Year Anniversary for

Musings of a 

Self-Proclaimed Author

Lucky (unlucky?) number 13; I can guarantee you that 13 years ago, I did not envision still writing blogs here. I probably figured I would putter out by the 10-year mark if I even made it that far, but I suppose that's the funny thing about determination, right? There's something to be said about forcing yourself to prove a point around what you say you are going to do and what you are actually going to do. Look at restoring_sean, for example.

A year ago, I wrote that I had created the @restoring_sean Instagram account.

That was it. 

I had most (if not ALL) of the photos and videos collected for my first two houses: 750 files for the Manor, just under 700 files for the Ranch, and another 1,800 files for my current house, the Estate (now closing in on 3,500). But apart from having these photos and videos, there was nothing else. No plan on how to show them, no plan on what the format would be or how I would write about it or really any fuckin' clue on what I was doing. But I was going to do it. Because as I wrote a year ago today, I wanted to start generating content again.

In the beginning, it was easy for me to get confused about what this was all going to look like, and a big part of me wanted to keep moving backward to things I had done in the past that (somewhat) worked. Mainly the blogs (that some of you read, and I appreciate that SO much), but also 26 Golden Things, that tried and true fail-safe that I hold up on a pedestal despite it being a 12-year-old project that needs to just... diminish and fade into the west like Galadriel.

Then I decided to file for and own a business: restoring_sean, llc

Then I decided I'd make a YouTube channel: restoring_sean

Then I decided to purchase and develop a website: www.restoringsean.com

And wouldn't ya know it, everything started falling into place, and that elusive thing I'd been wanting to JUST FUCKING DO for so many years finally started happening: I was making content.

Unsure of how exactly to provide this content to the world, I finally sat myself down and started working on it (which is a novel concept, but one I had only ever daydreamed about rather than actually figured out). Instead of going chronologically through houses in the order things happened, I would go room by room, start to finish. That made sense. So I mapped out the entire first season and what dates the episodes would drop, and then I mapped the second season.

On March 26th, 2024, I launched the first video on YouTube, an introduction to restoring_sean, and then it was off to the races. Every Wednesday at 6 a.m., a new video would drop, each one showcasing the work that went into restoring my first house, the Manor, and then my second house, the ugly red-headed stepchild that it was, the Ranch. It was trial and error for the entire process. 

- How can you make these videos engaging, funny, and informative? 

- What sort of personality do you put forth... 

    - ...the customer service one you honed at Pottery Barn?

        - ...the version your closest friends know? 

            - ...the one just acquaintances know? 

               - ...the one you showcase in the blogs, like the one you're reading now? 

Well, it took me a couple of months, but really, it's all of them. It's just "me."

Each episode of the channel is a blog written in Microsoft Word and about 8 pages worth of dialogue. With 15 episodes in the first season and 11 in the second, those two houses were wrapped up in 26 episodes that focused solely on the past (hey, look, 26... 26 Golden Things... not an accident!). Like I said before, I was ready to move on from the past, and capping it at 26 episodes was the way to do it. I just had to. 

Not that the past was holding me back, not by any means. I am a sentimental man, and I very much enjoy looking back at what brought me to where I am now. But at some point, you have to set down some of the THINGS from the past, solely as a means of freeing up your hands. Does that make sense? I hope so. With 26 episodes done, I was able to move forward this week with my first 'all-new, filmed this year with all new footage' episode: decorate the estate for halloween with me.

As of today, I have videos planned out through November of 2025. It's a daunting thing to look at that far in advance, though obviously in a helpful way as I can view things and alter the course waaaaay in advance. 

But I'll tell ya what, it's a lot less daunting to think about all of what's to come when I can now look back and see everything I've already accomplished. Two houses have been shared in their entirety and have now been put to rest, proving the point that I could follow through on my word of posting weekly and not fucking it up. The YouTube channel has not exploded yet. I've not gone viral, I've not crossed 200 views on any of my videos, but that's also just... okay. Much like with my books and these blogs (and with just about everything else in my life), it's an exploration of my own creativity that I am curious about and that I want to execute. Eventually, it becomes ingrained in who I am (like 13 years of writing blogs), and I just keep doing it. Do I want the channel to detonate and get monetized? Of course I do; that would be an awesome source of passive income for the work I've done and another incentive to continue doing it. But it's not paramount to me finishing what I started, and because it is not paramount or a deal breaker, I will just keep sharing and generating this content. If for nothing else, as something to look back on in the future and smile.

One thing does need to be mentioned, however, and it is how last year I discussed no longer having the "bandwidth" to do things and then trying to stick to my guns on choices I make. I... dunno what to say about that. 

Most of this last year was, in a word, overwhelming.

In classic "me" fashion I bit off WAY more than I could chew and then kept on biting like some annoying fuckin' dog going for your ankles. Taking on too much pays off when it's done, I can say that at least, and I feel rewarded by looking back at what I achieved. But in the moment... it's hard... and ultimately, too much is just "too much," and I don't know how to curb that. I will say, in the last month, I have started setting limits on things.

I've set limits on when I am reachable for items related to work, namely by putting a filter on my phone that prevents me from seeing messages after "work" hours.

I've set limits on friends when my own mental health is not in a state where I can handle the minutae of their own issues/struggles/problems, namely telling people they need to ask me if they can trauma dump before just doing so.

I've also become better at prioritizing the things in my life that need to be done NOW, versus the things that can wait, through the power of adderall and reminders on my phone.

I feel like this is still going to be the goal for the next year though, y'know? Maintaining limits and setting expectations for people that I can comfortably live up to, and not shit-my-pants-panic that I might drop the ball because I'm doing too much. I saw this great post on Instagram yesterday that really spoke to me, and I think is something I will make my mantra for the 12 months leading up to the 14 year anniversary blog:

"Say goodbye to urgency culture. You don't need to reply to that message now. Your email can wait. You don't have to live with anxiety because of the weird expectations of others. let yourself be human instead of forcing yourself to be a machine. your heart, nervous system, and adrenal glands will thank you" - Cory Allen

And so with that, I will wrap this up. Things are going well in my life now that the summer is over and fall has arrived. So much of what was up in the air this summer (if not this past year) has now been settled and put to bed, much of it not to be woken again. I'm very comfortable with that because it allows me to start looking forward again to what things can come next. And I think there are some very exciting things.

Ciao for now (c:

Read the 12 Year Anniversary Here

the may/june/july/august/september update: fourth edition

I needed a break.

That's the simplest... easiest... most finite way of explaining my absence. I needed a break. The YouTube videos, each an entire blog of their own, took up all of the writing creativity I had, and as of today, October 1st, we are one day away from the 26th episode (and season 2 finale) being released. That's about 14 hours worth of published video content and solid talking, and roughly 30 hours of actual filmed content that was edited down. These all come from scripts that are written for each episode, diving back in time (at least with the first season) 6 years to remember minute details from pictures and some videos. 

Those scripts also involved confronting, largely for the first time, a lot of trauma from the last house. 

Coupled with what ended up being a Herculean effort to finish projects on my house ahead of refinancing it, and then having to do MORE projects when my loan switched from conventional to FHA, and then even MORE hassles when the process was getting ready to close out, I just... I needed a break.

And truth be told, I'm having a really hard time grappling with that, to be honest. I entered this year with every intent of getting back to my roots and writing and updating and blogging. 

And I have done that... just not in the way I thought. 

That's not what I'm grappling with.

What I'm grappling with, re: struggling, is that I am still, for some reason, trying to be absolutely everything I can for everyone and everything in my life while still trying to be everything I can be for myself. You might ask what all that entails, so I'll bullet-point it for you (and me) because getting out down on paper (digital or otherwise) often helps me to organize it:

- I tried to be a best friend helping to navigate relationship issues. 

            - I mostly failed at that.

- A best friend helping to navigate home ownership. 

            - I did okay at that.

- A good son grappling with family medical issues. 

            - I'm doing fine with that. 

- An interior designer helping clients with their own projects. 

            - This is actually going well. 

- A good employee trying to project manage and write an SOP book and handle a large new client while maintaining other clients. 

            - Good days and bad days here.

- A 'content creator' trying to religiously post new YouTube videos every week with Instagram posts supplemented in between. 

            - I have yet to truly fuck this up, so it's going well.

- A planner by scheduling said YouTube videos a full YEAR in advance to make sure I've got the content planned and ready. 

            - This has gone well.

- A healthy individual who is navigating medication for ADHD while losing weight and maintaining said weight loss and trying not to fuck it up.

            - I don't know man, stay tuned.

- A good homeowner and neighbor trying to make friends and spruce up my house. 

            - Varying degrees of success here.

- A good high school alumni, taking it upon myself to orchestrate a 21-year reunion in 2025 and reaching out personally to 357 classmates to do so (read the open letter here). 

            - This is going well, but the stress is making my eye twitch.

I'm trying to be a good sibling, I'm trying to be a good friend... I am setting constant fucking reminders in my phone throughout the week to do this thing, do that thing, and reach out to people (some I haven't spoken to in months) to touch base and reconnect. In the back of my mind, I am constantly telling myself that being out of retail means more than just getting to work from home; it means having time to do all of these things that I wasn't able to do before... but I'm still wondering why I'm not doing them. 

Why do my priorities get all twisted and turned, and I lose sight, again, of who I am as a person? Because I'm just... I'm always head down and barreling forward and trying to complete everything as fast as humanly possible while maintaining an air of "reach out anytime, I'm here!" And I'm doing this all... doing it with a smile and hopefully what comes across as a friendly demeanor and wondering why some of the people I want the most to reach out and say they're thinking about me just... don't. I think some people watch the YouTube videos and get their "fix" of me, but uh... I'm still hangin' out over here, solo.

It's hard. It's been a hard summer. It hasn't been the worst summer, by any means, but it's been hard. And I've done that to myself, I know this. Me, the over-achieving Capricorn, has once again bitten off more than he can chew. I wanted this year so badly to be the one that finally eclipsed years past in terms of how many blogs I posted to this site, and I don't think I'll be able to do that now. Another disappointment set up and knocked down by yours truly. There's never enough time, there's never enough money, but there's always enough drive to want to get things knocked out.

Of course, we still have a few months to go, so I shouldn't count that out yet. But right now, it just feels like one of those lofty goals I will need to let go of. 

And it's difficult for me to let go of things. 

So let's breakdown, very loosely and very quickly, the last few months of my life so you can have a little update and I can look back at what has shifted for me, and then I can feel like this blog isn't hovering above me like some bitch troll from hell, poking me with reminders of what I haven't done.

May

In May, work continued on painting the house, shown here on the southwest facing peak. The house is now finished being painted, apart from the actual PEAKS themselves, that work is being hired out because it's just too high up for me to safely reach. It will be completed by mid-October.

June

In June, I took a before and after photo of my weight loss, comparing 281 pounds at the end of February 2024 to 245 pounds at the end of June. I'm down to 235 now, which is the lowest my weight has been since 2014. It's an uphill battle, and it has mostly plateaued, but that just tells me I need to get into the gym (especially now that working outside all summer has ended) and keep working on it. I feel more comfortable in my skin than I have in a really long time, and that makes me feel very happy.

July

In July, I reunited with Derek for dinner and ice-cream, seeing him for the first time in over five years. It was amazing being able to not only reconnect but to firmly understand that despite how it ended, being "in love" with someone for as long as I was can translate beautifully into a friendship with such a strong history. We laughed through the evening, recalling things I had completely forgotten about, and it provided an amazing sense of levity to how I had been feeling in general then.

August

In August, I had to scramble and do a 48-hour makeover of my primary bathroom upstairs to be ready for my FHA appraisal. This remodel was not in the cards at all until the spring of 2026, but my hand was forced because of the peeling wallpaper and the possibility of failing the appraisal process because of it. This meant in a mere two days I removed all wallpaper, removed all of the trim, removed the old toilet, and removed the sink faucet. I wiped down the glue, painted a primer that "sealed" the remaining glue, painted a color primer, painted the fancy paint (Pearl Noire by Sherwin Williams), and added all new trim before painting it (Iron Ore). The closet doors were repainted (Tricorn Black), a new toilet was added, the vanity was painted (Tricorn Black), the vanity top was refinished with a kit, a new faucet was added, and new hardware for the closet doors and vanity, new shades for the lights, and new artwork.

I passed the appraisal, but the house appraised $20k lower than I wanted. It is what it is.

::this reminds me; still gotta repaint that floor::

September

Finally, in September, the month was mostly a blur, but I did get to escape up north to my oldest friend's (Leah) family cabin with her and her sister for a perfect weekend of early fall weather, great laughs, and a lot of serenity. I also rode an ATV for the first time in my life, but poor planning had me in a swimsuit, so I was just trying desperately not to crush my balls. Also, I've never felt my tits jiggle the way they did. You're welcome.

So there you have it, the May/June/July/August/September update. I could've just called it the summer update and into fall, but here we are. I'm struggling, which isn't new, it's just what I do. Maybe it's what we all do. Struggle through life and keep saying "oh once this thing is done, it'll get easier." And then again, maybe that's just adulting in general. I dunno.

What I do know is that It's October now, and I can wear hoodies. All of the prep work for the Halloween videos and the recording for said videos is done, and I just have to edit them together into something cohesive. I can look forward to the fact that I don't really need to buy anything for Christmas decor this year seeing as I did so much last year, and that's awesome. It wasn't the case for Halloween. But what I also know is that it WILL get easier, it always does, it's just a rocky road to get to that. Stay tuned.

Ciao for now (c:

when it comes to reunions

- An open letter to the Appleton East Class of 2004 -

I was never the popular guy. I wanted to be… I know not EVERY teen in the early 2000s wanted that, but I did. I’d seen enough movies and TV shows to know what being popular afforded you… namely the respect… but I just wasn’t cut out for it back then. When we were all in high school, I was much too shy to try to attain such lofty goals. I was a tall, chubby-enough-to-be-morosely-uncomfortable-in-my-own-skin, fumbling but closeted gay kid. I did my best never to draw attention to myself, sometimes to my own detriment and despite how much I may have wanted it. I was called names. I was bullied. I moved through those halls more often than not with an apprehension you wouldn’t believe.

Y’see, I hated high school. Hated it. Freshman year I had maybe four friends? Three months into the school year, I pushed the best of one of those friends away for three years. And as a Sophomore? Well, that was arguably the worst year of my student life; I fit in with nobody, hung out with nobody, and I wasn’t involved in anything but tennis in the spring (and even with that, I feigned an injury halfway through the season because I found out I had to be on the team for two years to get a letter in it, so uh… there’s a truth bomb for you). It wasn’t until my Junior year that I started making real friends, and by the time Senior year came along, I was opening up.

After high school ended, everything changed for me (as I’m sure it did for many of you, as well). I shifted pretty dramatically and VERY quickly into a completely different person, one who wasn’t held back anymore by the social stigmas some of the meaner kids from our graduating class had set on me. I was free, and again, I think largely… a lot of you felt that way too.

Somehow, that was 20 years ago. I’m not dredging up the past to make anyone feel bad, and if you do, I apologize. I had my share of crappy behaviors, too; I don’t deny it. Rather, I share all of this to illustrate that, at least from a textbook perspective, I’m a prime example of the high school loner who wanted to leave it all behind and never look back. But you know what’s funny about that?

I have always looked forward to the reunions that would eventually arrive for us. Maybe it’s because I watched Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion too many times, but the idea of our class reuniting after years of falling out of touch was an idea worth being excited about. Those who knew me then, and those who know me now, understand that if nothing else, I’m a sucker for nostalgia.

At my core, for whatever reason, I am still that kid who would return to school on the first day of the year, eyes welling up with tears of excitement (and trying to blink them away) at seeing everyone again and learning about how they changed over the summer. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been drawn to a good story? Maybe that’s why I still love learning about people and what they do and what they’ve seen and where they’ve been. In high school, I hid that ‘curious’ part of myself because I was embarrassed about it. Today, pushing 39 years old? I embrace that part. And if you are one of the few people that I’ve actively stayed in touch with, or one of the 11 who showed up this past weekend for our 20-year reunion, you know that about me.

But as it were, most of our classmates weren’t at the reunion last weekend. And let me be perfectly clear: I’m not calling anyone out for that.

I’m certain a million different reasons prevented people from attending, and of those million, I’m sure at least a few hundred thousand are incredibly valid. Maybe you don’t live in Wisconsin or even the US anymore. Maybe you had to work, your kids had commitments you needed to fulfill, or you couldn’t get a sitter. Maybe you didn’t know it was happening (like me until a week before when it was texted to me as a screengrab). Maybe you only wanted to go if so-and-so was going, or you wanted to go on the condition enough people would RSVP to make it worthwhile… or… hell, maybe you flat out would have rather blinded yourself than show up.

Whatever the reason, it’s okay, and your reason is valid. But I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t bummed more people weren’t there.

I tend to wax nostalgic over high school nowadays, romanticizing it in a way that isn’t accurate or even real. After all, at our much higher attended 5-year reunion, I was casually called an f-slur by one of you as you walked past me at the bar. But it didn’t matter… partly because, y’know, hey, you technically nailed that one on the head, so, bravo! But also because that didn’t change my opinion of a reunion. Not in the slightest. I went to the lower-attended 10-year reunion, too, because how had we all changed in a DECADE? Then that question went essentially unanswered, as it were.

After 8 years of living out of state before moving back and 4 years away from Facebook (and back literally because of this post you’re reading), I thought at a 20-year reunion, it would be different. I figured I would get to see all the people I used to know and have the chance to get to know them again and maybe rekindle a few friendships. I believe in the end, for me at least, THAT is what this boils down to: what happened to the people we knew, and who are they now?

We’re only getting older. Many of us have kids (not me – I have two cats, thanks very much), and those kids are getting older, too. Our parents are getting older. Maybe we’re starting to lose people we’ve always had in our lives, and maybe that’s what has me looking back a bit more now. I moved to Wisconsin from California when I was 11 years old, just before starting 6th grade. Because of that, I lost my connection forever to the kids I had grown up with. But you guys? You replaced those kids in my life. And also, for me… I don’t want to reach my 70s and only have a few people left in my life who I can turn to and say, “Hey, remember when?”

This weekend, I didn’t know all the names. Like I said, in high school, I wasn’t popular (though I do think I was at least *liked*) and I wasn’t on a team; I was a floater amongst people I felt comfortable around (most were girls because they probably and intrinsically knew they were safe around me). This weekend, popularity didn’t matter. Or, correction, it doesn’t matter, because we’re all on the same playing field now. The facades we wore during high school have faded, and we all look the same in the light of day. And still, to me, you’re all as interesting as you were back then, if not more so, because now you’ve lived.

I want to know what you did after high school. I want to know who you married or why you didn’t and when you had kids or chose not to have kids and where you traveled and what you saw and why you went. Maybe some of you never left Appleton. Maybe some of you left and vowed to never return. Maybe some of you left for a while (hello, it’s me) and decided to return after 8 years away. Whatever the story, I want to know it. And I’m willing to bet, without a single shred of doubt, that many others do, too.

So, here’s my plea, and the point of me writing this whole thing.

This 20-year reunion was great for those of us who went;I don’t want to downplay that. Megan and team did a fine job of securing a location, reaching out to those in the class Facebook group, and keeping that group up to date. But in the end, the people who were there knew it was a bust. It’s insane that just .04% of our graduating class was in attendance, considering how, like… 40% of us live in the vicinity.

The proposal I’m making is that I will spearhead a 21-year class reunion next summer. Call it the… 20th Reunion Do-Over, I suppose. And because I am the me that I have become, I am going to make a vow right now:

I will personally reach out to each and every single one of you that I sat with in that humid, echoing, loud, BO-smelling, fluorescent-bulb-lit gymnasium 20 years ago in June of 2004 to gauge your interest in attending a reunion next year. I won’t be asking for a written-in-stone commitment right now, more of a general “Would you maybe be down to clown? And if so, do you want to be kept in the loop?”

Some of you I only ever knew by name, some of you I’m quite familiar with, and—for more of you than I probably realize—I’ve never said a damn word to you in my life. But that doesn’t matter, and this does. If you want to answer my outreach, that’s cool, and if you want to call me an f-slur and go about your way… that’s decidedly less cool, but you do you, and I’ll remember that story too, lol.

Apart from me saying ‘next summer,’ there’s not a hard date set, and there’s no specific location or time. That will all be figured out by the New Year, I promise, and that’s when the fun begins. For now, let’s call this a preliminary prodding. I like doing this stuff… I like biting off more than I can chew, and I think, in this particular instance, I’m well suited for it. Y’see, what I learned about myself as time went on, is that I’m good at bringing people together. I was never “rah-rah Appleton East,” not by any means. I didn’t care much about school spirit or what it meant, but I cared about you.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say you all cared about others, as well.

I’ll be in touch soon.

- Sean Parker

As an aside, I’ve been adding all of you as friends at a pretty brisk rate, and if you haven’t heard from me, Facebook may have told me “you don’t know this person; get lost.” If you want to add me instead, please don’t be shy! Regardless, I’ll be working to get ahold of all of you, one way or another.

the april update: fourth edition

What a busy month, holy cats. So busy, in fact, that it bled into May and now I'm three days behind on posting this.

I'm not usually that person who stops and looks around and goes, "Where did the month go!?" but I found myself doing that the last couple of days. What with housework, traveling both domestically and internationally, regular work, and continuing to pound the pavement for my YouTube channel, it just vanished. And now I get like... sweaty tits from nervousness regarding all the yard work to be done that I suddenly feel like I don't have the time for. How does that happen? Three weeks ago, I was all, "You've got the whole summer ahead of you; look at how much you will be able to DO!" and now I'm a bit more "Let's hone it back, sweet-cheeks because time's a ticking and the bank account's a drainin'."

April started with a snowstorm in Wisconsin, which isn't an oddity by any means, but it really took the wind out of that saying for March, "in like a lion, out like a lamb," because it was the total reverse. The glory of snow storms in April is that the residual snow is gone within a couple days. No harm, no foul. The DOWNside, though, of spring arriving so early, is that it only contributes to the mentality that summer is going to be over sooner rather than later. This isn't necessarily true; I just think that growing up in the Midwest taught us that Spring doesn't really strike until the middle of May or maybe the end. Just seems to get earlier and earlier every year now.

The global climate crisis has nothing to do with that or whatever.

Me and Sally

A week into April, Andrew and I took a road trip down to Indianapolis to visit my aunt and to take in the sights of the total solar eclipse. On the ride down, we stopped outside Chicago for this Titanic exhibit I was treating Andrew to for an early birthday present. The less I say, the better, because the exhibit was a joke, a waste of money, and a total loss of time. Precious time, too, might I add, because the traffic from Chicago to Indianapolis was insane and stupid, with people (like us) driving in for the eclipse.

The normal 6-hour drive took close to 8, which was... frustrating, to put it mildly. Mainly because it was raining a good portion of the way, and that was just a pain in the ass to deal with, but also the stop-and-go traffic that kept occurring for no visible reason. 

I digress.

We eventually reached Indianapolis and picked up my aunt, went and had some bomb-ass food, laughed our asses off for a few hours, and then dropped her off again before we were off to the hotel. And similar to the Titanic exhibit, the less I say about the hotel, the better. Suffice it to say, it was hands down the worst (dirtiest, grossest, smelliest) hotel I have ever stayed in. And it was $240 for the night, so needless to say, my review was scaaaaathing.

Andrew waitin'

The next day, Andrew and I were working remotely, so we found this great shared-workspace type building where there was a huge warehouse, and inside of it, there were a couple dozen smaller businesses (coffee shops, restaurants, bars, shops) with a significant shared common area. We got some coffee and just vibed there for a few hours before going to a shitty gay bar for lunch. Then we went to the north side of Indi to be with Sally and watch the eclipse from her backyard.

All within 15 minutes

It was singularly one of the coolest things I've ever witnessed in my life, and for what it's worth, I think I've been privy to some pretty cool shit. The minutes leading up to it were odd; it just felt like twilight setting in faster than expected. Animals got quieter, porch and street lights were flickering to life, and then, before you knew it... you could look at the sun. Which was remarkable in and of itself, because up to the verrrrrry very last second, that was impossible as usual.

There was this weird stillness that just sort of washed over everything, and you could hear people hooting and hollering down the block and in the distance, fireworks going off. But staring up at the sun with the moon entirely in front of it... that was just the absolute tits. It was breathtaking, really, and it truly puts your life into perspective. Also, though... ya kept sort of waiting for the world to explode or death rays to start raining down from space, but that didn't happen this time so we just went along on our business. 

But then it was done!

As quickly as it started, it was over. The moon passed, and the sun glared out, and within 15 minutes, the light was normal and we were on the road to try and beat the traffic back to Wisconsin. 

This was probably the most laughable thing of all because it took us damn near 10 hours to get home on the return trip. But it is what it is, and I don't regret going because it was such an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime thing for me to witness.

Arranging stones from around the house to make beds

Work on the house, as ever, continued in April. It actually sorta "resumed" in April, because March was just me poking around at some stuff but not really getting involved. What I mean by that is I didn't want to bite off more than I could chew, but still wanted to feel like I wasn't a worthless terd. 

So I did some yard work! 

The stones you see above were mainly buried around the opposite side of the house as some sort of garden edging. They put them in, probably in the 60s, and then never moved them again. My goal with the front of the house is to elevate and amplify what I've got, so moving them up there was the first step toward achieving that.

Now I need to order topsoil to be delivered so that I can fill in behind the rocks and have a place to plant all the things. But I'm starting to think I'm going to need to shovel up all that lava rock, and I would just rather die than do that. It's funny; yard work is great until you actually have to do more than just mow the lawn, because then you realize you're inching closer to 40 and everything hurts just from thinking about it.

Stairwell preview

I also worked on the stairwell, a huge undertaking from October that I probably... I'm just gonna say that I probably underestimated it. My dad has been my savior in this, cutting all of the necessary wood for me to climb around on scaffolding and a ladder to install it. In these pictures, you can see the OSB backer boards, which were necessary for the "original" wall to be at the same surface level as the sheetrock (the angled green). With it all installed, I could attach the hardy board panels, and then where those have seams, cover them with trim. It'll look like board and batten when it's done, but DAMN is it a pain in the ass to accomplish.

Hopefully, That work will wrap up the weekend, but don't quote me on it. There's a lot to do between now and "finished," and sometimes I just don't have the drive to do it.

Cancun with Katie

The other "big" of April was flying down to Mexico with my best friend and celebrating 25 years of hanging around each other like a couple of crustaceans on a moving ship. The world passes us by and we remain the same, naturally. We spent a week in Cancun, which was... interesting, lol. The hotel was pristinely clean, so at least, there was no repeat of Indianapolis, but there were just a few "blah" things about the week. The food was "meh," Katie took a hard hit to the back of her head on a water slide, and we had fire alarms going off through the resort at 1:30 in the morning. 

The company was good, though, and that's what matters, right? Also, I didn't get burned too bad, and my tits looked great all week, so I'm not gonna complain.

Sunrise over the gulf

But, uh... that was April. Work is progressing nicely on the YouTube stuff, I purchased a website that'll be going live in the next couple of weeks, and I'm finally in the last stretch (forever?) of talking about the Manor. It's been interesting going through my first house and rehashing everything because, in a way, it feels like I'm finally putting it to bed for good, y'know? There won't be any more reasons to organize the photos, look for any that I missed, and panic about where they are stored. They (and the stories that go with them) now live on through video. And that's awesome... and it's sad, too... but eventually, it would need to end. 

I knew that.

It's just that it feels like saying goodbye to an old friend one last time.

So what else happened in April? Got the downstairs bathroom ready to the point of needing plumbing to proceed (this is a big deal), actually got a stamp from Mexico in my passport (didn't know anyone still did stamps), and went to this weird shitty shanty-town between Appleton and Steven's Point with friends (and got a delicious butterscotch whiskey, go figure). Got sick yet again, made scalloped potatoes for the first time ever and nailed it, and started tearing my backyard apart. Hurt my back, spent a fortune on paint to *hopefully* have enough for finishing the outside of the house this summer, and ultimately, struggled to handle living for the future with scripts for my videos which are essentially each an entire blog written three at a time. Bring it on, May!

Ciao for now (c:

the march update: fourth edition

I bet you're sick of me, but here I am again, writing. Writing and writing and writing. I think this is my... sixth blog this month (I know it is, actually). But it's technically my seventh because my lazy ass waited until the 1st to write for February. That's irrelevant.

So how's everyone? Doing splendiferously well? All the things?

Good. That's good.

Oh, me? So funny you'd ask! I'm really tired! 

I feel like March was the month of reconnecting. Open to interpretation in a few ways, but it really boils down to one inalienable fact, and it's that I've reconnected to what it feels like to be putting myself out there.

After I stepped away from Facebook in the fall of 2020 (and entirely deleted it in mid-2021), as well as deleting all of my Instagram followers (save for maybe 75 people), I pushed myself away into a void of... I don't know what to call it. Removal? Is the 'removal void' a thing? That's really what it was, anyway. I stopped giving people on the periphery of my life the choice of following me and what I was doing. Not that I was doing anything extraordinary, but I just felt that at the time, I didn't want to be watched by the peanut gallery anymore. 

I've said this a few times as of late, but opinions are like assholes, and everybody's got one. And I'd grown tired of opinions.

I think the stark reality of March 2024 compared to, let's say... April 2021... is that it's not how I've grown tired of opinions; I just don't really accept them anymore. We all know you get a bit more stuck in your ways as you age, which is an excellent way of saying you become a stubborn shit, and I certainly don't intend it to come across that way. I think I've just learned how to not only remove myself from what people think of my actions but how to voice my own hot-take with a complete lack of interest in what they're telling me I should do.

It's a fine line to walk, between coming across as "well I am blazing my own path and my own trail, and I will do it the way I want to do it," and coming across as a frigid bitch that you just can't talk to. I don't always walk it well, to be honest, but it's a developing trait and one I hope to hone.

Any day now.

With all of the blogs I wrote this month and recording the first two videos of restoring_sean, there was so much work going on behind the scenes to be stressing out over. When I started this little idea of sharing my houses and what it took to make them what they'd be, knowing I have the gift of gab (when I want to), I figured I could sit in front of the camera and start talking. Over the last few months, that was honed down to the reality of what it would actually need to be, which was scripted.

Not like... verbatim scripted... but an outline with plot points that I needed to cover.

Because I'll forget details otherwise, y'know? As I started writing the outlines down, more memories were coming back, and that added a specific pressure of "you better get these down on paper now because if you don't, you're not gonna be able to come back and share them organically." And though it's all edited and the whole process is not "off the cuff," it's still supposed to feel organic, right? I am supposed to feel organic, and honest and approachable with these stories. That's the whole friggin' point behind starting a business, lol; you better be approachable otherwise you won't get clients. But each post is essentially an entire blog, just spoken.

Then, once I did start to record (which I put off until WAY too late in the game, truth be told), I didn't know what version of myself to be. 

I'm different with different people, and I think most of us are like that. What you do with one friend, you may not necessarily do with another. That includes the stories you tell, the words you use, the mannerisms you express, etc. 

So what version do I present in the video? Affable, humble, a bit sarcastic, a bit self-deprecating, confident but not TOO confident... and I feel I succeeded.

But then some feedback on the video comes along and "it's not the you that I know," from a couple people, which sorta stings. Not from a "you hurt my feelings" standpoint (even though it does because it's a rebuke of your actual personality), but it stings because there is no RIGHT version. What one person loves about you, maybe another cannot stand, so you project this amalgamation of traits that should appeal to the masses. But then if it's turning individual people off that know you well... then what do you do?

I dunno. 

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket I suppose, because again... opinions and assholes.

In a way, you start living in this bubble of reality, and that's hard to explain, but I'll try to. When you start living for other people (as I do regarding the blogs and now, really, the YouTube content), you lose sight of what's immediately around you. I start to feel like I'm operating in two worlds. Does that make sense? There's the world at large that will hopefully be taking in the content I'm generating, and then there's my small one with those directly around me that I speak to, eye-to-eye. 

I guess it's good to start realizing this now when there's still MORE than enough time to pivot and determine how I want to address this and adapt to it. Not that my social media status has been blowing up or anything like that, so no worries, I'm not like... J. Lo delulu on any of this.

But the Sean in this blog, Mr. Musings of a Self-Proclaimed Author? He's not the entirety of me. And restoring_sean, well, he's not either. To put it plainly, you don't act one way with your closest friend, and then mirror that behavior EXACTLY at work. You can't walk into your corporate job and greet the CEO with "Hey there, good mornin' fuck face!" and if you can, bully for you. 

Hopefully, you see my point here though.

This could also stem from the preternatural belief that I don't want people to ever feel like they've got me pegged, or that they can try to portray that they know me better than I know myself. When that happens, to me it feels like... I don't know; it feels like a violation. Are you readin' me on this? I totally get it if someone calls you out for saying "hey, driving your car the wrong way down the highway... that's a bit out of character for you," because sure, that's understandable. But when people try to keep you in a box of "this is who you are to me, who you always have been, and though you're maybe not that way for everyone else, you must exist only as this for me." That's when I get huffy.

I don't know... I think I'm just tired. And I'm incredibly determined for this new venture to stick, which also exacts a toll on my energy. I'm also curious about the reactions of the people around me who will watch in either encouragement or their surprise or disbelief or even, as I've gently noticed, cynicism. I know who you are, and it's okay. I'm doing this for me, not you. And for the people who reached out and watched the first video and had such lovely things to say, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, wherever you are in the country sending those warm thoughts to me, because it continues to light the fire I have burning. Thank you.

So, what else happened in March? Started the month sick as a dog, continued to gain and lose and gain and lose weight, tore out the ceiling in the basement stairwell, and watched from afar as the people across the street had a new driveway pour. Compelling stuff. Knocked a 60ft tree down in the backyard, bit by bit, merely scratched the surface of garden work (thanks to global warming), and finally opened up the gates to talking about this house. I began tossing the clothes that just no longer fit (length, not width), I learned how to make a great fruit and granola parfait, and ultimately, enjoyed learning how to speak with all facets of my voice again. Also I cut my hair off.

Ciao for now (c:

a year in the estate: part iv

current looks

One year later

I didn't want to do this blog page because I wanted to leave something to the imagination of where this all was going, but I can't leave you hanging. 

I just can't do that! 

So here is a collection of before and after photos, with minimal writing about them because, like I have said a million times, that will be for the YouTube channel and Instagram. This is just a peek at what I've been up to (with a lot of help from my parents and a couple friends occasionally) over the last 365 days.

The enclosed porch 3.2023

The enclosed porch 9.2023

The porch is essentially finished; it needs new flooring that will likely go in this summer. 

The living room 3.2023

The living room 3.2024

Apart from the unfinished stairwell walls above the "break," the living room is finished. This is where I meant the vertical pieces I installed on the wall matched the ones in front of it.

The living room 3.2023

The living room 3.2024

There will always be opportunities for decorating and changing things up, like repositioning that circular mirror because it's too low.

The parlor 3.2023

The parlor 3.2024

As stated, my favorite room in the house. It has a Bee theme, from the honeycomb-shaped medallion and chandelier to the Bee drapery holdbacks and artwork. This room still has some tricks up the sleeve before it's considered finished.

The study 3.2023

The study 12.2023

This is an older photo because, currently, the study is filled with items for the adjacent bathroom, and it is a damn mess.

The kitchen 3.2023

The kitchen 3.2024

As I said, the most significant transformation. From paneling the ceiling to adding all new trim to the cabinets, appliances, sink, windows... everything.

The kitchen 3.2023

The kitchen 3.2024

This room would not be what it is without my dad, who worked patiently with me and my plans to build the island and the spice cabinet to the right. In addition to, y'know... everything else he did.

The laundry room 3.2023

The laundry room 3.2024

Still a few things to do in here, like painting the cabinet (and one you can't see behind the door).

The half bath 3.2023

The brand new pantry 3.2024

The house's only truly "new" space is the pantry and coffee bar. My dad made the butcher block counter.

The half bath 3.2024

The half bath is now in a much smaller state of being, but it works perfectly fine like this. I have all of the random artwork pieces I've collected here, some of which I received as gifts. There are also framed samples of all the wallpaper I removed from the house.

Primary bedroom 3.2023

Primary bedroom 3.2024

She's dark, like I told ya. This room still needs the baseboards painted and installed, on top of a few other special projects later. That door leads out to the (eventual) front balcony.

The guest bedroom 3.2023

The guest bedroom 9.2023

This oxblood bedroom also needs the baseboards painted and installed. Since this photo was taken, however, the window has been painted, and all door casings and window trim have been replaced.

The back bedroom 3.2023

Notice the water damage down the sheetrock containing the chimney.

The back bedroom 12.2023

The first room to be TOTALLY finished in the house, top to bottom, as it is now rented out by Andrew. The ceiling light is the only light in the house that I reused, as it looked old (but it is from the 80s). This room has a lower ceiling than the others, making putting a ceiling fan in here impossible.

And I guess...

Because I'm nice...

And because I'm like... a show-off...

The front porch

Lastly, and to wrap this all up with a bow, is a glimpse of what the house ultimately will look like. Last summer, while I was KILLING MYSELF to get ready to host my parents' surprise 50th Anniversary party, I was hustling to complete the front porch. I ended up only getting part of the way done before the party, but the ball was rolling, and I needed to kick it in the goal box before winter came. I wanted to look at something pretty during the cold months and fantasize about the overall look when the house was finished.

You can see the black fascia, gutters, and soffits here, replacing ancient white/broken/dated materials. I wanted the front porch to evoke a shop on a side street in London, lol, so I went with all black. I replaced all of the screens, painted all the hardware brass, painted the siding, and replaced the house numbers. I repainted the railing, stained the concrete steps, and chopped down the massive bushes. The rest of the house will get this same treatment, including a balcony to be built above the porch this summer. But it's a start.

And that's my home, friends. I hope you all get to come and see it someday. But until then?

Ciao for now (c:

Go Back to Part I: Introducing The Estate

Go Back to Part II: Demolition

Go Back to Part III: Reconstruction and Painting

a year in the estate: part iii

reconstruction and painting

This post is to showcase, in drastically varied stages, how the house came back together. 

Now, I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty here of exactly why I did what I did; that's all reserved for the YouTube channel, but I'll give you a high-level overview of what was happening.

A lot of the "fancy" work was in tandem with the demo and reconstruction of the house. My goal was to move in roughly at the end of May or early June, but in May, I found out I would be having carpal tunnel surgery on June 6th. That gave me a deadline to get SO MUCH done before because I didn't know what condition my hand/wrist would be in post-surgery.

Laundry room

The laundry was actually the first room to be remotely close to "finished," and it was undoubtedly the first room in the house to be painted. I wanted to explore texture in this house, so I purchased a hopper that could be connected to my air compressor. You load it up with watered-down plaster and start machine-gun plastering the walls. After a few minutes, you drag a metal trowel across to get the "knockdown" effect. I learned my lesson in this room the hard way, which was that you definitely need to prime the texture before using the expensive paint on it.

Also, notice the green ceiling medallion hanging out on top of the box. I wanted to dress up the ceiling lighting in the house and bring a little bit more of a historical vibe to it, so I bought these PVC medallions on Amazon and painted them in whatever color I needed. Here, I was going for a color "wash," which is where you paint your walls and ceiling (and your trim work, if you want) all the same color.

Kitchen

This was the kitchen once it had been plastered, textured, and painted. I would paint it again in November, as I felt like the white was just too stark of a color. You can see part of the ceiling is fresh sheetrock, as this was where I tore the old ceiling down. You can also see the difference in height on the walls, as I had (stupidly) plastered and painted everything before deciding to rip the ceiling down. The lighting configuration I wanted was pretty involved, with can-lighting and several pendants and lights over the sink, so tearing the ceiling down saved a lot of grief.

The kitchen cabinets here are all brand new, shipped in pieces so I could build them myself. We had leveled and attached them to the walls, and I believe this was the day that Home Depot came out to measure for the quartz countertops I was putting in. 

Kitchen floors

A bit over a month later, I was starting to put the luxury vinyl plank flooring in. You can see in this photo that I've painted all of the cabinets in the kitchen, and the counters and lighting are all installed. On the right side, through the doorway, is the massive oven and microwave my dad was working to build the cabinets for. Across the kitchen, the windows have not yet been painted, and none of the new trim has been installed. 

The wood detail around the cooktop exhaust fan has also not yet been installed. This shot is looking in from what I initially planned to be the dining room, but I have instead decided to make the Parlor and (probably) my favorite room in the house.

Pantry and Half Bath

This entire space had been a gigantic half bathroom, with like... a six-foot-wide sink vanity that had matching wood towers on each side and a toilet at the far end of the room. From the suggestion of a couple friends, I decided to split this room, not really in half, more like... 30/70... with the bathroom being separated from the actual kitchen by a pantry. This saved me from using up valuable space in the kitchen for a pantry cabinet. The kitchen itself is gigantic, don't get me wrong, but I liked the idea of doing this a whole lot better. Plus, though not pictured here, there's another cabinet in the pantry with a counter that holds the coffee station.

In this photo, the pantry has been walled in, not plastered, and the bathroom is still waiting for insulation, a vapor barrier, an exhaust fan to be installed, sheetrock, additional flooring before the nice flooring, plastering, and, of course, all the paint.

Full bath

This is pretty accurate to what the full bathroom downstairs looks like now. On the left is the former closet, now opening into the bathroom to be a nook with a cabinet, open shelves, and this great green-glass pendant. On the right will be the oversized walk-in shower, missing cement-board in this photo because I'm only one man and don't have much energy.

I'm very excited for this bathroom to be finished, not only to have a second shower in the house but to start the process of having a wholly curated room, top to bottom, as envisioned when I planned out the entire house.

The study

This is my office, or the study. At this point, I had sanded down and refinished all of the original wood floors downstairs, so I was careful not to spill anything on them. I've always wanted a dark green study, so I started with the ceiling and worked my way down. The lighter-green color was a tinted primer that I got from Menards, which did not do a very good job at sealing in the plaster, but you get what you pay for, and that's on me. 

It did spare me from doing three coats of paint, though.

Those double doors are original to the house but were altered after the fire (I don't know how, don't ask, but they're too short for the door frame). Behind the door on the right was the door into the closet, so I chose that one to get the chopping block because you had to close one door to open another, and it didn't make sense to me.

From the living room into the parlor

I found out recently that this doorway was not original to the house but was actually a dead-end for the foyer (and the living room had its own opening, with pocket doors that led into the parlor but were nixed post-fire (WHY!?)). The doorway they added was maybe 6'6", barely clearing my head, and it was the same going into the kitchen (where you can see my dad standing). The kitchen doorway still had original trim, but this one had nothing, just finished drywall.

My vision was to raise these doorways up to 8 feet high, then trim them out. Eventually, I will add a transom window across each one, matching the transom windows on the front porch, but that's down the line. Fortunately, these were not load-bearing doorframes, so it was just a bit of effort and elbow grease to get them expanded.

The parlor

Finally, there is the black ceiling. This was taken the morning after I polyurethaned the freshly re-finished floors. As I said, I had to rent a belt sander twice to achieve this. The first time around, I got two rooms done, but the shellac in this room kept burning and melting, leaving streaks all across the floor. That was when my mom got busy working on it. They turned out SO beautiful, and while they're covered by rugs now, I'm so happy to have lovely floors. 

They were a nightmare to finish, but it was worth it.

When it comes to trim, I did not leave anything "as it was" in this house. This room and the living room were the only two rooms still in-tact, but the trim was damaged in a lot of areas, and because I was mimicking the trim throughout the rest of the house (and adding new trim to the cutout in the wall and the massive entryway), I elected to paint it all. 

Sue me. 

It's funny to see the brown stain against the walls, though, and that ceiling fan, which is no longer there.

The living room

The living room didn't need a ton of work, and most of what it needed was due to the floor. My dad had to replace some pretty large sections of the maple floor, as evidenced in the bottom right corner, but it blended in pretty damn well. The walls in here (and every room of the house) received the same spray-plaster treatment with the knockdown effect. This did a few things for me: it hid flaws in the plaster in here, covered up imperfections, and meant that I didn't have to remove wallpaper glue ANYWHERE in the house. This alone was so amazing, because I did not want to invest the time into that task. 

The stairwell

It still looks this way, though the vertical boards are painted now. I mimicked the placement of those from the original wood stairwell (you'll see what I mean in the next blog). A version of that pattern will extend upward, making the stairwell a genuinely grand experience when all is said and done. But to get there, I have to set up scaffolding and all that, and I just haven't had the time recently as I've been working on the bathroom.

The upstairs landing

This was immediately after the carpet installers left, and they did a fantastic job. You can't tell that there used to be a door here! Since this photo was taken, more trim is now running vertically up the wall to frame out the stairwell (and the eventual board and batten look it will have).

The guest room

This photo was taken after priming the guest bedroom for the oxblood red color I wanted to paint it. I had yet to repaint the ceiling and change the light fixture, but it was hot as hell during this process and the air conditioning was not working very well on the second floor. It will most likely be replaced this summer. But apart from wallpaper removal and flooring... and trim removal... this room needed just about the least amount of work.

The back bedroom

Check out that floor; it's nuts! It's all over the place, and one of my more considerable regrets with the house is that I didn't pull the floor up, level it, and replace it so that it wouldn't squeak so damn bad. 

But that's hindsight.

This shows the chimney after I took a grinder and powered through the concrete that was hiding the brick. The sheetrock on the left, which is new, shows how much the wall stuck out that surrounded the chimney (and also the ceiling where the water damage was). So now, not only did I gain floor space, but I also got a pretty cool architectural feature.

The primary bedroom

I wanted it to feel like a cozy cave, and I succeeded. There are a few... things... with this bedroom. Don't get me wrong, I love the color and I love the ceiling being the same as the walls, and it works wonderfully with the light carpet and my furniture. 

But here's what's up. 

This was a new "Designer" collection of colors at Sherwin Williams, and I loved this one specifically (called 'After the Storm'). At the time, you could only get it in the DeSiGnEr EdItIoN paint, and the bummer about that was that it was unavailable in a Matte finish. 

It's not that they were out of stock; it just didn't come in it. 

Now, I like a little sheen to my paint; I want it to catch the light. But I had to resign myself to buying Flat paint. Big mistake.

Not only because it's got really no sheen, but because it is so dark and has NO SHEEN, it doesn't reflect light. At all. The other problem with it, and something I admittedly did not think of, is that color drenching this dark in a bedroom, explicitly having a dark ceiling in your bedroom (with no sheen, I'll repeat it), means that reading at night is almost out of the question. 

Light from the bulbs does not reflect off anything, so you essentially have to hold your book under a lamp to read. 

This room may get a ceiling do-over at some point this year, but I have yet to decide. If it does, it'll likely be the off-white ceiling color I painted everywhere else. The big slap is that now, a year later, that Designer color is available in any of the paint collections they sell, so I can get it in Matte if I want to. 

Stay tuned; I dunno what I'm gonna do about it.

With that, though, this very highly abridged version of all the work we've done in a year is over. I was gonna show outside, but honestly, there's just not much to show at this point. 

However.

There are some before and after photos on the next page if you're so inclined.

Next -------->

Go Back to Part I: Introducing The Estate

Go Back to Part II: Demolition

Continue to Part IV: Current Looks