That was the hashtag I started all the way back in October when I decided to make a big deal out of my 26th birthday. I mean, you only get ONE golden birthday (which apparently is only a big deal in the midwest and nowhere else on earth,) and so many people get suckered out of it by being born in the early half of the month. I felt that by hashtagging my ideas, both preposterous and attainable, something would click with the bests and they would band together (for the first time) and get it done.
I realized something was up pretty early in the month, which was great. I had been out at a bar and talked to my very very very dear friend Mo, asking if I needed to plan something for myself for my birthday. All she said was "It is taken care of," which was great because it didn't reveal anything but at the same time told me all I needed to know. I don't typically make a big deal out of my birthday because it is the day after Christmas and usually people have other things going on (or in my case, my friends are all working retail.) And that is fine, really, because I don't like being a boob and demanding a lot of attention. This year I felt was different, partly because 2011 was such a load of shit but also because if you don't demand attention very often, you might as well demand it for something like this.
I know there was some drama behind the scenes, as is always the case, but I really must say that I was overwhelmed with what they did and the emotional impact it had on me. I cry a lot, which you know, but I reallllly cried that day, hahaha. Here is how it went down.
I woke up to a gift from J, explaining my I am a sweet person and also telling me there would be many gifts throughout the day to commemorate it/me. I enjoyed a lunch with my family at Parker Manor at 11:30. My brother was in town from Texas, and he came down with his girlfriend, along with my sister and her husband, as well as my nephew and two nieces. My sister made this awesome cake that was made to look like 6 gold bars, though each was a different cake flavor with a different flavored frosting. We ate and talked and were merry, and then at 1:30 @klreynol showed up to collect me. She had a gift from J, this one for me being cuddly and another for adventurous. We left and drove into Appleton, where she took me for a manicure at Salon BenMarNico's.
Before heading inside she gave me another gift from J, this one for my creativity. We walked inside and down to the Spa of the Copperleaf Hotel, and I noticed Mo right away getting her nails done. I hugged her before realizing @caitcd was sitting next to her. Surprise #1. I got my nails did and then @klreynol took me to get some coffee, providing yet another gift from J for my spell casting (not in a witchy way, but more of me casting spells on people. You know it's true.) Coffee in hand, she drove me to her house so that I could change into a fancy outfit for a private dinner with J. Another present was waiting for me at her house, this one celebrating my style.
Changed my clothes, fixed my hair, and we were off to J's. I was dropped off at his door and went inside to find him and a final present waiting, this one for my passion. All of these gifts came with lovely letters he wrote with and ink and quill set, which I thought was amazing. It kind of hurt at the same time, but more on that later. They meant a great deal to me and have already made there way into my memory box. Soon we were off to dinner. I assumed @klreynol would be there, I'll be honest. I know her well enough to know when she is keeping something from me; that and I saw her outfit hanging in her bathroom when I changed. Natch.
We arrived at Carmella's, which is a fantastic restaurant on the north side of Appleton specializing in Italian cuisine. It is kind of pricey and, as I kept saying that night, the seats are uncomfortable, but the atmosphere is fantastic and the food is delicious. J says we have a reservation and the girl leads us around the bar area to this fabric partition blocking off another room that I didn't even know they had. I was expecting @klreynol.
I can't really describe the surge of emotion as I walked around the partition to take in the sight of my entire family and all of my closest friends, clapping and cheering. It was a brief moment in time that escaped me, left me spellbound and entirely at a loss for words. I can remembered looking at the ground and blushing, not knowing where to look or who to look at. The smiles, the bright eyes, the gold balloons attached to the chairs and the gold confetti and decorations spread down the long table. I accepted a few hugs, mumbled a few words, and then took my seat. The waitress came by quickly to pour champagne and then was gone, and it was silent. I realized I should probably say something but only with realization that I actually had nothing to say. Regardless, I am the "self-proclaimed author," so I stood up.
I don't command a lot of attention... I've never been one for speeches either. I find my strength lies in my written words and not those I speak, so to have to think of them on the spot and they profess them out loud was a very different experience, especially trying to make them meaningful. I think I got out "Thank you all for being here, it means so much. As you know this was a pretty rough year--" and then I broke down crying and they clapped politely and I sat my ass back down, saying thank you and all that. Don't worry, I wasn't done yet. That was merely the diversion so that I could think of the words I needed to say. We'll go with that...
We ordered our food, we ate, and we talked. And I reveled in all of it. The most important people in my life, save for Mrs. S who was out of state, all gathered for one specific person; me. It meant a lot then, it still gets me choked up now, and I think that is a wonderful thing. I ordered a white peach Bellini during the meal, my favorite drink from Carmella's, and then I cleared my throat a stood up. It was time for the real speech.
Now, I wasn't successful in getting through the second attempt without tears. I think I would of had my words not brought the people I was talking to to tears. I started by thanking them for being there. I acknowledged quickly that it was a shit year, more of a roller coaster than anything else. And then I announced that I would like to say something to each of them individually. I started with my father, who was sitting to the right. Then I moved on to my brother in law, and then my wonderful sister which is where I started to choke up. She had this sort of... enraptured look in her eyes and immediately I realized what each of these people truly meant to me. I made it through, jumped to my brother's girlfriend, and then to my brother.
He started crying like a pussy right away, and that got me to start crying, and then everyone started shouting at me to take a drink. Good idea, because it pulled me back in and made me focus my thoughts. I moved on to my amazing mom, lost my shit, and then moved on to Mo. Mo has been at all of my birthdays as of the last few years and has made each one of them very special for very different reasons, and I couldn't imagine what it would be like if she hadn't taken me to prom when she was a senior and I was a junior. Then I turned to @klreynol and started blubbering like a jackass. On to Cookie and I was able to make myself laugh, because he is unlike the others in that our relationship is built on laughter and happiness. You need to keep those people around.
I chugged some more Bellini and moved on to @markstyleme's wonderful boyfriend, then @markstyleme himself. So much of our relationship is conveyed through looks and winks that there was less to say with words and more to say through body language. He understood, as I meant for him to and am pleased to have achieved. I turned to @caitcd and realized I had finished my drink, so Mo quickly shoved her champagne to me and I gulped on that. I know I kept crying at this point, and it felt so good and wonderful to do so. I look at tears as a form of validation... they make something real; they make my emotions concrete. And I may joke about collecting tears from my closest friends (I love making them cry by being nice,) but it is never in a mean way. I say I collect them because it proves to me that I mean something. It proves to me that I can reach them in more ways than the surface allows. I thanked @caitcd for many things, in hindsight possibly for more than anyone else, and then I turned to J.
He did such a good job keeping the events of this day from me, even under direct pressure, and it paid off. It was fantastic and wonderful and a million other tiny things that I cannot even think to write down. I thanked him for all of it, turned to the table, and told them to stick with me because this next year is going to be one of the best ever. I received an ovation and sat down, relieved to have it out of the way and successfully at that. Then @caitcd put a jar down in front of me. It was filled with pieces of paper and gold confetti, each scrap holding a wish for me or a cherished memory, from each of the people at the table (and some not present.)
I didn't have to read it right then, but with everyone turning to talk to one another I just had to. And I cried through all of it, reading these thoughts and feelings and realizing that maybe I meant as much to them as they did to me. The amazing thing about it all was that with how bad the year had been and with how hard it was to get over what happened, the only thing that mattered was what was right in front of me. That bad things happen sometimes but if you can keep your chin up and turn to the people who complete your life, they will come through for you.
After dinner I was driven to city park, where the bests were waiting for me. Each gave a small speech to me about what I am to them and what they want for me in the future, and then we moved on to a martini bar to round out the night.
All in all it was a perfect day. It was the best birthday. Everything that came before it didn't really seem to matter anymore, and that was great. It meant that I hard truly finished this year with a bang, like I had always wanted, and by letting go of the reigns I was able to enjoy something I had no part in planning. I love my family and friends so much and I am so thankful to have such wonderful people in my life, and I couldn't imagine it any other way.
Here's to looking forward (c:
My dear Mo, not making it easy for me.
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